Defeated

The 4×4 drive train something something let go on Rob’s drive to work this morning – we are now the proud owners of:
1) 1998 Honda Prelude
2) 1999 VW Carat
3) 2004 Ford Explorer
And none of them fucking drive!!!! I’ve spent the whole day at work worrying like crazy. Rob works 89 Km’s out of the city – pretty hard to do that without a vehicle. I have shooting pains in my body and chest – I’m sure from the anxiety. Stuff like this really highlights my inability to cope with day to day stuff. Rationally I know it’s not the end of the world, Irrationally (as I am 99.9% of the time) however, is another story. We don’t have a pot to piss in which is totally sad because we net over $5000 a month and STILL live pay to pay (and pay isn’t enough to get us fixed and through the next 2 weeks). I’m disgusted with us. Maybe this is what it will take to realize that we need to make some serious changes to our spending and saving habits. I feel like a total looser. I had to call my brother to borrow money to fix the truck – we think $1500 will cover it, but could be very wrong. Then, due to both of us being bankrupt and having no credit I had to ask a friend to rent a car for me on her credit card and add us as drivers so we could use it for the week. There’s nothing like having to ask for financial help that makes me feel like I’m 18 again and a total fuck up. I hate today. I hate feeling like the world is up against me and I have no energy or desire to push back. I’m defeated. Totally and utterly defeated.