Typhoid Mary Goes to the Home Show
I didnt mention that I am a might poorly, did I? I am rarely ill (which is a good thing for those around me, because I am NOT a pleasant person when Im sick) and this has knocked me for a loop.
You want to know what the REAL trouble is? The REAL trouble is that I decided to give up one of my filthy little habits and quit smoking. My body doesnt know how to behave without all the carcinogens and other vile stuff, so it has gone into revolt. Im sure thats what it is.
Sis is shoving nutritional supplements down my throat by the handful, taking full advantage of my illness induced weakness and inability to effectively fight her off. Chickie is avoiding me like I have the plague, which is probably the BEST thing to do at this point. In phone conversation with Young Stud I mentioned that I was sick. He said, oh. OH? Is that all I get OH? Hmpf. So I tell his highness that I am his MOTHER and I am looking for a little sympathy here and he says TOO BAD. TOO BAD? Well, Im not so freakin sick that Im going to let THAT go by! Excuse me, SON, but who the he** was it that cleaned up after your shi&&y little arse for all those years? And who handed out sympathy & love & care & attention by the BUCKET LOAD to YOU?? Things got quiet on Young Studs end of the phone and then he said Im sorry youre sick, Mom. Yeah, right. One more time with FEELING, buster!! By the end of the phone call I believe he was genuinely sorry that I dont feel good if only because it meant that he was catching double-barreled HE**!!
And Daddy, dearest? He who is disease phobic? He is somehow not noticing that I am threatening to hack up a lung every 3 words, OR that I have had a box of Puffs surgically attached to my side so theyre near-by, OR the carefully chosen words, I feel awful, Dad. Im really sick. THAT is how I ended up at the HOME SHOW yesterday, viewing all the latest and greatest improvements I could make to my home, if I had a barrel of $$.
Remember, back in the 70s I think, those whole house vacuums that were touted as the latest and greatest must-have technology but never really caught on? Theyre back. Not interested. Vacuuming is vacuuming. Another big item was kitchen do-overs. Again not interested UNLESS it comes with a chef who prepares all meals. They have fancy counters, hoity-toity cabinets, & built in gadgets galore but I still have to do the cooking. Why is it that people are SURE that if they spend enough money, an annoying chore will suddenly be fun? NO, its still awful, and NOW you have the additional indignity of having paid a lot of money to make yourself suffer!
I did linger a bit at the ponds and lagoons booths. They had these lovely little waterfalls cascading every so gently down into inviting looking ponds. All natural of course (rolling my eyes) and nicely landscaped to boot. I could just imagine one in my back yard . And whos gonna clean the damn algae off all that damn crap? says Daddy kindly (he was only thinking of me, you understand) bursting my bubble. Upon hearing that, I reconsidered. The cute little pond grew to encompass my entire back yard a swimming pool built like that! How cool would THAT be?! Beautifully landscaped with a waterfall at one end and a spot for the cabana boy (who will be cleaning the algae, muscles glistening in the sun ) AND a spot under the rocks to hide the bodies of all the dang nay-sayers .
Today I should spend recovering but I have to mow the grass. Its so high Im not exactly sure my lawn mower will even attempt it. I may have to go after it with scissors, one blade at a time. Daddy Dearest is griping about it. Im sick, which should buy me some time, but he has prostate cancer and sciatica, which trumps my ribs cracked from coughing so hard and years supply of snot (eeewwww). If you dont hear from me any time soon send out the national guard to look for me. I bet theyd rather do that than go fight some insane war in Iraq anyway.
From your description of how you are feeling I wouldn’t bet on the National Guard’s preference. … 😉
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Tell ya what my friend, when I get down there not only will I enjoy preparing meals, I can build ya a pond and waterfall, too! (No joke of alie…I get all my landscaping materials at wholesale too….grins!) SUre hope you’re feeling better soon. Honk, honk!
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ponds and waterfalls? funny you should mention them.. i was at sea world yesterday and in one of the stores there was a very cool fountain display with soothing water cascading down smooth edged rocks… graceful fish, frogs, birds, and other critters spurting water into the pristine waters.. all framed with lush foilage (and not a spot of algae growing anywhere! 🙂
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(foliage..grrr..too early to be typing) and i thought how cool it would be to have that in my yard, yeah! had a central vac in my last house. it was good for certain things, but didn’t find it strong enough to do the whole house. i hate vacuuming, but like cooking if i have the time..but a personal chef would be quite nice! 🙂 good on you for quiting that nasty little habit..feel better soon, SW
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“Home Improvement” has always seemed like an oxymoron to me. My home, by virtue of its being a, you know, HOUSE, never improves. In fact, it just falls apart. Last week, a new hot water heater. None of the electrical wiring is at all safe; I keep waiting for the house to short itself out. Houses self-destruct on purpose, I think. And landscaping? I don’t EVEN wanna go there. I feel for ya, SW!!!
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now, now… we can’t have the national guard getting sick 🙂 *laughs at you for having to mow the lawn* we don’t have to mow the lawn– it’s under a foot of snow 😀 hehehe… that’s the benefits of living up here. Sometimes our grass gets so long you have to go over it twice *gag* with a riding lawnmower though so the biggest hassle is the sunburn. glad you’re back… don’t give me e-germs!
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This is the second entry I have read today that sounds like spring and its still damn cold here! Sorry you are under the weather but I wish I were under YOUR weather instead of this blustery winter….crap, for want of a better word.
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Agh, sorry you’re sick! Have you tried heating a pan of water and breathing the steam? My parents almost fell for that whole-house vacuum thing years ago. By which I mean that my mom LOVED the idea but failed to get my dad to let loose of the bucks.
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…I’m not totally sure, but I think I read somewhere that algae is not a problem in those adorable pools as long as the water is constantly circulating, which it HAS to do to keep mosquitoes from breeding. Or else there’s some sort of FISH that takes care of the problem…?
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Oh poor miss sunshine! I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. But I’m kinda happy I’m far away when you’re such a grummpy patient.*smile* Sorry, but it’s hard to be sympathic about you having to cut the grass when we’re up to our keisters in snow & it’s minus 15 celcius today. …A backyard pond or water fountain would be worth the extra work for all the benefits it can bring. Feel better! *big hugs*
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{{{{{{{Sunshine Wolf}}}}}}}. Time will heal the misery, the days are long again, and Spring is on the way.
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ryn: i dunno; i think if given the option; chickie might just take the first flight out!! totally her bad though. we hurt the people that mean the most to us. and they hurt us too. ='( itll get better my friend; keep your head up…and if you cant do it on your own~ ill come over there with my tennis racket and shoo all the meanies away! soo glad your back!!!! =) =) =)
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Hey that’s what I got too!! I’ve been keeping the neighbours awake at night with my coughing! Hope you feel better soon, dream of your pool with your pool boys muscles glistening with the sweet sweat of work…
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YIKES ! Glad I am not close by…LOL Go for the pond…mentally it is wonderful and I think they have fishies or other little thingies for the algae…maybe you don’t get the algae as long as the water is constantly aerating??? Had one of those in house vacuums – not strong enough… Be well little buddy & hang in there…give you A+ for stopping ! Sending strength,hugs
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Wait a minute…can we go back to the part about the cabana boy and his glistening muscles?? Here’s wishing you a speedy recovery and much luck with leaving the cigs behind. Good for you! (Literally, figuratively and all that…) ~:) ArtImp, nsi
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ryn- a pastie is ONLY the world’s best food!!! you have to be from Upper Penninsula MI (or be related to someone who is, in this case, my grandma) to fully comprehend the goodness 🙂 sure they have shops around here, but they make the crust wrong and put too much pepper. It’s a really good crust with stuff inside– beef, potatoes, carrots, onions… so good! they made em 4 the coal miners 4 lun
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lunch. Dang FOD cutting off my notes. grrr well now that i’ve gotten an additional 400 characters I think G.S. cookies are good. esp carmel delites.:)~ and as for being under a dollar a box, minimum wage wasn’t 5.15 an hour back then either, so it all balances out. HA hahaha. gotcha there.
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the algea eater fishes get it off with no work on your part. sheesh. didn’t they tell you that? my pond doens’t have algae or algea or however it’s spelled. 🙂 RIBBIT
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I am sorry to hear you are sick and feeling rather icky. WOuld you like some homemade chicken soup. it makes everybody feel better except the chicken. 🙂 We have new organic market i have just hte thing for you organic cheese to make bunny butt pasta extra yummy! here we go!! oh and some chocolate too!
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You sound absolutely terrible and no doubt all of your stress has conributed to this sickened state you are in…sending you the wrmest cyber huggies….
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With warm blessings for the swift return of good health…
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Aww, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Just think though, your spring cold/flu will be all over just in time for spring. 🙂 p.s.. if you haven’t cut your grass yet, just have someone else do it the first time, and let THEM get it back to manageable.
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haha its tough but stay the course and look forward to a puff free future! (ugh I can’t believe I just said that, I sound like some kind of lame salesman or something)
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(((((HUGS)))) lots of light and biggest kiss on cheek, lovely Wolf friend of sunshine – I can finally write AHHH 🙂
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passing by on random: giving up smoking sounds gr8! are you still going,? this entry is not the most recent on FOD. Man, my mother would smack me if I ever drove her car without tellin her where I was goin… and b4 I got my lisense? man oh man!
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