October 31, 1999

Throw Away Kids

Perhaps I have lived a very sheltered existence. No, no perhaps about it. I HAVE lived a very sheltered life. I see the horror stories on the news and in special exposes and documentaries, but I have not lived them. Maybe it is for this reason that my home always has an Open shingle hung out. My friends have christened my home the Hotel.

Even when my oldest child was still a pre-schooler, my home was a refuge for the teenagers in the neighborhood. I have always tried to be non-judgmental, honest and open with the kids. If I dont approve of their activities, they know it, but I dont preach. They appreciate it. I dont pry, but I dont need to. They will usually tell me exactly what theyve been up to. I try to understand and I try to talk to them like adults and equals.

I have also opened my home to many different adults who were in need of a hand. My kids long ago quit questioning why I do this. They used to just shake their heads and walk off. Now they just take it for granted. My daughter has even resorted to recruiting.

Just this week we have had two episodes with my daughters friends that have left me thinking and disturbed. One little girl, Blondie, ran away from home. She ran all the way from her apartment building to mine. The buildings are right across from each other. When I asked her what was going on, heres the story I got. Her stepfather had discovered a screwdriver in her bedroom. This convinced him that she was trying to sneak out at night. He took her bedroom door off its hinges so she can have no privacy and threw away all her makeup and jewelry. She said she just couldnt take it. She left her mother a note telling her where she was and ran to my house. I told her she could stay as long as her mother knew where she was and it was OK with her. Pretty soon Mom got home, found the note, and came to get Blondie. She told her that she was going to put her in a foster home or call the police on her. Then stepdad came home. He disowned Blondie. He says he is taking her off his insurance coverage at work, will not talk to her any more and will never spend another dime on her for food, clothing, etc. Mom is holding to her threat of police or foster care. I am truly worried about Blondie.

She is a good girl, cute, eager to please, and at a very crucial crossroads in her life. With this lack of support at home, I am afraid that she will indeed be out of her house in very short order..pregnant, pot, alcoholwhat?

The other child is Pixie. She is 12 years old and no bigger than an 8 year old. She is a cutie with a face full of freckles. She is polite and also eager to help and to please. She came in the other day and announced that she is moving to Japan. I asked why. It seems that her mother has declared her unmanageable and has decided that she needs to go live with her father and get counseling. And, by the way, Dad lives in Japan. My daughter confided in me that this little angel faced Pixie is indeed very disrespectful of her mother. She said Pixie slapped her mother once.

My M asked me if I would come after her if she ran away. I assured her that I would track her down like a bloodhound and drag her, kicking and screaming, back home by the hair on her head if need be. She smiled and hugged me.

What did I miss? What happened? When did it become acceptable and usual to simply dispose of your children when times get a bit tough? Did someone change that old saying to When the going gets tough, the tough say F* it? It is a crime to abandon a dog. Should it be less of a crime to abandon your own child? I so totally dont understand the concept of disposable children. If your dog bites you, you might give it away or you might take it to obedience classes. If your child slaps you, you send her to the opposite side of the earth? If she dares to try and protect herself by leaving a harmful situation, you disown her and call the police?

I am feeling very sad because I know these are not the only two kids in this situation. But these are two that I know of and my hands are virtually tied other than lending an ear and a safe place if needed. I hope that will be enough.

My experince is that most parents deem their time, their problems, their life more important than taking time to help their children. I knot this story all too well myself.

This entry makes me think of my sister-in-law, who would make such an excellent mother, yet she’s unable to have children and can’t afford to adopt. Life seems so unfair sometimes. She would do anything

to have one of these ‘throw away kids’ and the rotten parents out there have them so easily and don’t appreciate it.

I know all too well…I’m living with the results of someone else’s disposable child…thank you so much for your notes, they mean a lot to me!

Mns

November 1, 1999

What an outstanding entry, Sunshine. It makes me angry and at the same time brings tears to my eyes. What on earth is wrong with these parents that they can treat their children like this?

If only there were more neighbors/friends like yourself who could be a safe haven for these kids. How very sad that it’s even needed….

BlueEyes

I think we have disposable people in general – kids and elder parents seem to be suffering the most. Makes me wonder why. Great entry, SW.

such a sad, sad story…and what a beautiful person you are. Shine on, Wolf, for the children, shine on! ~the bum~

My father abandoned me when I was little. I’m 28 now & I’m still feeling the effects. It’s unimagnble 2 me that some parents R capable of this. I’m having trouble having a baby. It makes me mad & sad. No fair.

Thank God for “second mothers” like you! -Aiyana-

Willy & Wilma

You’re one darn nice momma,Sunshine,to relate to kids as you do. Am sure there are many childless couples that would love to adopt and love these ‘disposable’ kids. It’s a communications problem getting them together.

Kudos to you for being there for those kids. I bet they appreciate it more than you realize.

I’m not in those parents’ shoes, so I can’t really judge them. Two adults can have completely different perspectives of a situation, so I’m pretty sure an adult and a child can also. You’ve given us food for thought.

What you’re doing is most excellent, but it’s sad that it needs doing. Root cause is everyone moving around, no family to step in and take over when parents or step-parents aren’t up to doing the job.

On the other hand, staying put in one place has lots of problems too, as I suspect you know.

It must stem from a profound disregard for miracles. I have my ideas about it and must admit to being a bit judgemental too. Save the children (and the cows.)

sophist

and sometimes that’s all we can do….and it is enough *hug*

Kidd J

I was a through away kid, (only when it was convenient for my parents), but as soon as they deemed necessary, I was ‘their’ daughter again. I don’t get it either…..

Just to throw in a wrench – a teen can make an entire household miserable and drive parents right up to the edge, and over it. My brother did. So, there are at least two sides to every story.

Society has a very serious problem on its hands with the state of our families. Today’s kids are being born to and raised by our parents kids, who often were “thrown away” in divorce or dysfunctional homes. There are no easy answers.

children are a gift to be loved and treasured unconditionally.

You are a lady with a big heart and an open door in a world filled with neglect and abuse. My parents thought I was headed straight for reform school or worse, but looking back, I realize I was just an ordinary kid trying to do my best.

Some people are too selfish to be parents… it makes me so mad.

Well, I probably shouldn’t even be leaving a note to this one. Let’s just say sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. It’s not done out of selfishness or neglect, rather out of love.

I respect you much for respecting teens (and preteens) and helping them out.

Things like that always hurt when you realize they’re not just stories… Wish I could do more about it.

The familiar African proverb says: “It takes a village to raise a child.” One is left to wonder why American society with all its wealth regards this goal as hopelessly Utopian.

Races with Deer

November 2, 1999

Blondie’s parents are probably required by law to take care of her ’til she’s 18. If she wants, she can call DCFS herself to get help. I think there’s much more to both stories than any outsider knows.

I just sat here a sighed deeply several times..I have no answers on this one. My home is similar to yours..Even tho, I was the one who ran away as a teen.

It is hard to get your head around these things, and maybe there needs to be more support out there for parents who have good hearts but have run out of ideas.

this has brough a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. At least B and P have your apartment to run to or who knows where they may go. {{{{{blondie, Pixie and all the others}}}}}

wolf, you’re a beautiful person… you’re so much like my mother… she also has similar beliefs and has helped out those in need as often as she could… *huggles* you’re great :o)