Thinking, Rethinking, and Rethinking My Rethinking
In cruising through OD land the last couple of days I have read a lot of entries about the past. People telling their story. I always enjoy people’s stories. Sometimes it is SO very different from my own story that I am (at least temporarily) without words. Sometimes, it is SO very LIKE my own story that I am likewise flummoxed. In almost every diary I find a word, an entry, an emotion or a picture that reaches in and stimulates some sort of familiar reaction in me.
All that background, just to say, I’ve been thinking – about what I’ve been thinking. More specifically, about what I USED to think. Going backwards down the twisted path of my mind makes an unusual trip at times. You see, I USED to see things in a very black and white manner. There was right – and there was wrong. Period. All right – a little gray snuck in every once in a while, but not often.
I remember as clear as can be the editorial I wrote to the local paper when I was in high school. I was flattered when it was published. Instant city-wide fame. The topic was amnesty. I made no bones about the fact that “we” did not need those draft-dodging losers that had fled to Canada to avoid the Viet Nam “Conflict”. I figured they had made their beds and they could now sleep in them – over there in Canada.
Today my editorial would be a plea for understanding of those who feel going to war would render them morally bankrupt.
I remember deciding, in no uncertain terms, that my parents were INSANE for being school teachers. Wait – for being MIDDLE SCHOOL teachers. That was no way to earn a living. It’s not a REAL job.
Would I be eating too much humble pie if I remind my readers that I currently teach….middle school. The same SUBJECT my mother taught for more than 30 years….in the same SCHOOL my father taught in – also for more than 30 years.
Once I thought that ALL people who “cheated” on their spouses were stupid, evil, loose – or possibly some combination of all of those.
Then I cheated on my spouse. (I like to dress that episode up in a lot of fancy words….but THAT’s the bottom line – CHEATED)
Just a few little twists on the path there……… but what I really am noticing more and more is that much of what I USED to hold as sacred and true – very black and white – is now exclusively gray…..depending on which vantange point I am viewing from at the time.
(No, I didn’t say that I think it’s a great idea for everyone to go out and cheat on their spouse!!)
I’m not much of who I used to be any more…but I am so much more! Strange, isn’t it, how you get to be more by getting rid of things…and ideas (oh, OK – and sometimes by getting rid of the husband you cheated on as well. There. You KNEW I had to say it, didn’t you?)
So looking back…….I cannot even begin to imagine how much more who I am will change in the years to come, but I’m looking forward to it – and to sharing my fits and starts here – and to reading all yours too…..so I can feel that I’m still at least SEMI-sane!
Here, here. I used to struggle with those teenage age views of black and white and how *I* would have frowned on *me.* Okay, sometimes I still struggle. I too cheated. Cheat. Whatever. Life is just not that simple. But now I feel like I am entering an even newer phase of acceptance and moving foward. I hope it doesn’t stall. I find it exciting.
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Amen to EVERY WORD you wrote. I used to think the whole notion of “doing wrong to do right” was bullshit spouted by losers to justify doing whatever they wanted to do. Now . . . I know it CAN be that way, but it isn’t always. Or maybe I just sold out? I sure HOPE that’s not it.
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I still view marriage as a holy thing that should never be messed with, but I am not going to judge you for your actions. It was brave of you to come out and say what you did. I do not know the circumstances of the marriage but I hope that you worked things out for at least yourself
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Check out the stories on rememory.com
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isn’t it amazing how we change our point of view the older we get. I can remember how I felt about things as a teenager too, I’ve come to the conclusion that teenagers really shouldn’t be allowed to think. 🙂
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Nicely put and I agree. I had similar thoughts a while ago about how everything used to be so definite — either things were black or white. Now there’s so many shades of grey. I guess it shows that we’re growing up. ;p *with warm hugs*
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****Smiles**** Funny how as our minds grow our thoughts/opinions are often altered. Ummmm, I counseled conscientious objectors during the seventies. Some things have certainly changed for me…but a lot has been fortified over the years too. Interesting. Gotta go get some sleep. G’night my friend!
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the fickle fingers of fate.. sometimes we seem destined to repeat our forefathers sins until the lesson is learned… well I wouldn’t call teaching a sin but you get my point I hope.. I think that’s fascinating btw, what a history your family has with the school
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It is amazing how the black and white we see at one time blend into so many shades of grey, isn’t it?
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there’s a whole lot of gray in my world. . . even the black and white are mostly dark gray and light gray. . . i’m not sure there’s any black or white at all.
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I’d like to have just one more day when I know EVERYTHING. It was such a common taken for granted thing when I was 16, maybe even until I was 24. I was brilliant and the only one who could see pure truth. LOL. I am shamed by my arrogance.
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Everyone changes, hon, and with that their perspectives change too. Just go with the flow. Analysing past thoughts can just hurt too much! Hugz
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I see mostly white and some gray and almost no black and it is a very nice world. It certainly is different from the world I saw all those years ago.
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Therein lies the beauty of OD!
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I think that we all think in terms of black and white, then slowly become aware of the different shades of gray as we start to open our minds to the different possibilities and it’s a wonderful journey. That’s not to judge others that still think in black and white though because we each are on a separate journey. But it sure is nice to have company along the way.
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Great entry! Doncha just love OD????
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I agree with FD. (I say that a lot).
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Oh, I love this entry! So true! I smiled at Blevin’s note:yes, just occasionally it would be nice to have the certainties of youth again, for a few minutes! Nah, I like me much better the way I am now! And I like the fact that I’m still changing – and no doubt, always will. The bones of my perceptions remain the same, but the details are often altered and added to.
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I like how we change. Parts of me get softer and others get tougher, but all in all, I just get more comfortable in my own skin. I think I like me. Why, I like me so much, I’m treating myself to a chocolate truffle this very second. Yep….(munching slowly)….life is good.
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We all change over the years, and it’s probably just as well. The world would be a horrible place if we were all what we were even a few years ago. With a grin…
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LOL! You’re pretty good at talking about thinking! 🙂 I rather enjoy eating my words, being wrong about some things can be just plain yummy. It’s fun to look back and see how much opening to the world’s greater self we’ve been able to do. A reflection of how much we’ve opened to our own greater self?
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Don’t feel bad, there are five kids in my family. My oldest sister teaches kindergarten and has for almost 30 years. My sister Patty, who died of breast cancer, taught 4th grade. I teach HS and firmly believe I am the only sane and intelligent one of the three (lol). It runs in a family.
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I hope my ideas don’t ever take such a severe swing. I’ve been a pacifist all my life so far and would hate to change *hugs*
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