Sunshine Wolf
July 2, 2002

The Idiot Quota

OK, here’s the deal. I have bagged my idiot quota for the year. Unfortunately, there are still idiots out there who insist upon flinging themselves across my path. So what’s a girl to do? That’s right – you guessed it. I’m bundling them all up and sending them off to each of you. Check your mail…. or not.

I need to register my daughter for school in Florida. Acting in my role as a concerned parent and good citizen, I called the school to find out what I need.

“You need a school physical. (check) You need a shot record on one of our special county school forms. (check) You need her records from the last school she attended. (I can get those). You need 2 things that prove you live in our school district such as a lease or mortgage in your name and a utility bill. (Uh-oh)”

“Well”, says I. “We are living with my father and I don’t have a lease or a utility bill in my name.”

“Please hold”.

“Why do I have to hold? Surely I’m not the only person in this school district living with a parental unit!” Too late. I was already on hold for Mr. I-am-oh-so-important-and-you-are-sneaky-scum.

“Yes?”

“I am living with my father and don’t have a lease, mortgage or utility bill.”

“Well then, get your father to put the utilities in your name. That will be fine.”

“It won’t be fine with my father.”

“Look – you have to understand. This is one of the best schools in the country and people will do ANYTHING to get in here. We must have these proofs. OTHER schools might accept a notarized and signed in blood affidavit from your father, but we won’t.”

“People will do anything – including living with a grumpy old bastard of a father who will NOT (I guarantee it) put the utilities in my name? Seems a pretty steep price to pay for your PUBLIC school. Do you mean to tell me that the law requires me to register my child for school and you won’t let me do that very thing?”

“We are the best. We don’t want our classrooms overcrowded.”

“I see. Thank you.”

Not to be discouraged by a little thing like idiot school administrators, I called the ex-school (which, by their own admission is ALSO one of the BEST schools in the country) to have Chickie’s records sent.

“Please send me my daughter’s records. We are moving and she is changing schools.”

“Oh dear. I think the records are in the guidance office and they’re all out until July 24th. I think they’re the only ones who can send her records, but I’m new here – can I call you back?”

“Please do – with a reasonable explanation of when you WILL send the records – preferably before July 24th.”

I’m still waiting for the return call.

Here’s the real corker, in my humble opinion. Tonight, as I am sitting BLISSFULLY alone for the first time in a month (yes, Dad, I love you – but you sure can be a pain!) (yes, Dad, I know that I am equally capable of being a pain, but thank you for reminding me.) a commercial comes on TV.

“Problems are easier if you talk about them – even if it’s burning feminine itch.”

Well Praise the Lord and pass the pretzels! At last! I have permission to discuss my burning feminine itch. I don’t know about you guys – but that sure makes me feel better. I am SO relieved!

So……anybody want to talk?

Log in to write a note

OMG, this is too too funny!!!!!! Well, not your quandary, but your writing style. And don’t get me started on burning feminine itch. . .LOL!

Willy & Wilma
July 3, 2002

You have done an excelent job of finding problems, Sunshine. Im sure you can do as well finding solutions. An old sadage says you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar Here’s a suggestion: I think telephones are also utilities. Try getting your own line & use the billing for the school requirement

🙂 LOL , aint life grand !!!!! as to THE ITCH , yoghurt of course , plain ole yoghurt ……….A TUB FULL 😉

ermentrude
July 4, 2002

Oh… I swear by Diflucan!!!! People like that are known as ‘Jobsworths’ over here as in “It’s more than my job’s worth”… good luck *grin*

Enough idiots in this home so puh-leese do not send more!! And I am honoured dear Sunny by all your many notes.Would you believe when I thought i had written the last page re A yet another poem re him pops out of my stupid mind! I will hold it a while whilst i await sunshine to strike…Alex

Nectar
July 4, 2002

covers my ears..hides my eyes…i never saw or heard about that itch…not ever…nor have I experienced it…did you have a father like that too…we have a similiar experience I am sure….and I too cannot suffer fools too easily….dam bueracrats…and neither can I spell giggles off

No, No, don’t send me any more idiots. I see enough of them at the swap meet. Like the lady that picked up the burner that was going, hidden behind a sign and tipped it over to see the bottom. (why I don’t know, it happens alot) As the hot water and oil drip down her arm she goes that’s hot. Duh, what part of the combination of candles, water and oil didn’t you get?

Thanks so very much for all your cool notes! You certainly have an intrepid soul to have gone thru my entire diary!! LOL! Ace shooting by age 10–yep, sounds like TN! I am too much of a Yankee, I guess. BTW, I just love the way you write, and I already love your dog (and don’t much like that cat….) LOL! Happy 4th!

Just RYN about your wonderful sharpei’s skin–I give the problem child fish oil capsules. Fish oil is supposed to calm down the immune system (which, in lupus, is in overdrive). I had hoped that would help in lieu of steroids, but so far, it doesn’t seem to have made a difference with his skin lesions. His coat, however, is gorgeous!

The Watcher
July 4, 2002

Thought you were getting that itch tended to over in my diary…ahem. Lordach has told half the tale. *smiling*

Wow, I know right where to put my idiot. Right along side the idiot that called 911 to see if it’s OK to shoot fireworks in the next county!

Thanks for the chuckles. Now I think you sent me more than my one idiot – I will redirect the extras back!

Ha! The feminine itch issue just came up in my household the other day. My son had mosquito bites that were bothering the hell out of him. He asked for something to use. I got out my Aveeno. (not for feminine itch, but I told him it was AFTER he applied) I though I’d die from laughter. You know, sometimes being a mom can have little hidden rewards. :)))

interesting. good luck.

Eons ago, when I called to find out what was needed to register Kidlet for kindergarten, the woman told me “Blah blah blah … and bring the child to registration with you.” I asked, “Why do I have to bring the child with me?” thinking she would not enjoy standing in a line to (from her perspective) do nothing. I swear to Howard, the woman said to me, “Well, why do you think you need to bring (c)

(2) the child?” And she said it in the snottiest tone of voice. I literall pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it with a “are you nuts?” look on my face. Then I said to her, very calmly, “Now, if I had any idea why it was necessary to bring my child to the school just to register her, don’t you think I wouldn’t have asked you?” Her huffy reply was, “Well, we need to be sure you (c)

(3) really have a child to register.” I was so stunned. I said to her, “You trying to tell me people are taking time out of their day to STAND IN LINE at the school and register FAKE CHILDREN??!!” I think I then muttered something about small minds and government jobs and just hung up on her. Funny thing was, I went down there, sans child, and had no problem registering her. And I thought when (c)

Luna
July 5, 2002

(4) I>/b> was the student that school was ridiculous! I think it is just even more unbelievable because we aren’t the oppressed kids who lack the experience (read: balls) to stand up to these morons and tell them to stop treating us like idiots. That lady is funny. Put the utilities in YOUR name. Riiiiiiiight. I could rewrite these notes and mail them to you, to prove you live there! 🙂

Luna
July 5, 2002

Damned HTML. 🙂

Or, maybe, you could make your dad Chickie’s legal guardian? If that would be easier? LOL!

LMAO!!!! Egads, woman you ARE hilarious!!! You should write for stand up or sit com or any other position in between!!! Missed your writing, SW;)) Keep it up, dear lady!!;)

Here is another note from me to thank you for taking time to read my sad poem! Now try to write more cheerful epics….Alexias

I know it ain’t funny, but I’m crackin’ up just the same! Due to the current state of my love life and the number of idiots already involved in it, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask for an exemption regarding your sending MORE. *hanging No Vacancy sign* ~:D ArtImp, nsi

I HATE red tape. You have burning feminine itch too? LOL.

Torin is tending that itch very nicely, although there is much snorking involved. The Unsigned Watcher

LOL – thankfully we don’t have that type of ad here .. yet. Let us know how this school thing works out. Glad to see you’re doing well except for th idiots dropping at your feet.

*~*Lady Moon*~*
July 8, 2002

LOL You are a funny friend TAKE CARE

Oh my goodness, I don’t want any of your problems, I have enough of my own. But I’m sure glad we can all talk about them anyway! Good luck with all the school stuff. 🙂

well, i’ll talk, want to know about taking progesterone that should make me have a period, and is only making drips. I mean why buy pads for a quarter teaspoon drip, what’s the point, so i put on my frog green underwear, special for frog day and go mow the lawn. Guess what! of course not enough for the doc to day HEY you are out of menopause and don’t need dastardly tests, but enough to ruin..TMI?

i am aware of the districting schools stuff, we had that problem when my old school yanked the records, did not have space for me, and i was living in a hotel with my dad. NO Utilities in my name there. I know dad won’t switch, but could you get a “new” or additional thing there in your name? They did take my dad’s cell phone bill for my younger bro years ago, and voter reg card.

does this mean you are selling the new garden home with the lawnmower??? Are you moving? Need help? let me know, have station wagon, will drive. 🙂

un be lievable….

btw.. i like to soothe itches {smile}

Mns
July 15, 2002

*giggles* yeah, i’m with The Watcher, i was just over there last night and saw your itch being attended to 😉 *ahem* anyways, no idiots please, there’s enof to go around out here. i’ve heard of that having to prove residence to get into schools, but i never considered something like the situation you’re in. argghhh..how frustrating! maybe a change of drivers license if it’s a more permanent move.

blondragon
July 16, 2002

red tape and bureaucratic bs, that commercial had to be the straw to break the camel’s back…:)

Kidd J
July 18, 2002

ROTFLMAO!

Elle: 2
July 19, 2002

This is too funny…..but so true!!!! Believe me I know! What about a driver’s license? Or Willy’s suggestion… Good Luck kiddo…..LOL Smiles, 🙂

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