The Dream and The Reality, Part II

Part Two – The Reality

“Mom! I can’t find my shoes!!!!” The plaintive wail filtered through the bathroom door, even above the shower noise.

“It’s not surprising, considering the shape your room is in! And WHICH shoes can’t you find? You have – at last count – more than 20 pairs – and I can’t tell the difference!”

“Mom! That’s not funny!”

“Don’t I know it! Now let me finish my shower in peace!”

Her hair still wet, Sonja came out of her bedroom dressed and ready to face the day. It was only 9 am, but already there were 5 or 6 ‘extra’ teenagers in her house. She looked at them sprawled all over her daughter’s room, the stereo blasting with a movie playing on the VCR and “breakfasts” of chips, cereal, juice, soda and something that vaguely resembled pancakes strewn haphazardly everywhere.

“Hi Mom!” they all chorused, then smiled up with vaguely guilty smiles aware that their own mothers would retreat screaming if greeted with such a sight first thing in the morning.

“Hi guys” Sonja smiled, shook her head, and closed the bedroom door.

The phone rang.

“Mom! It’s for you! Grandpa!!”

Sonja grimaced. If her dad was calling at this time of day, something was wrong. 45 minutes later, Sonja got off the phone, emotionally wrung out. Her father was feeling physically ill, which always led to a bout of mental stress that he was compelled to share with her. She had learned to hold her own and not drown in his sea of doubts and despair, but it was always tough on her.

Sonja thought that this would be a good time to meditate. She used to meditate with some regularity and had felt much more connected. But, did she really? Or was it just wishful thinking? She longed for a clear sign…preferably one in 6 foot tall neon lights. At least THAT she would notice. Maybe.

The phone rang again. This time, it was her friend in Ohio. They had been friends since they were 8 years old and knew every detail of each other’s lives. There were no secrets – or very few. The conversation inevitably drifted to men, and the relationships that they had each survived, in spite of themselves. The jokes began. Sonja started.

“Well, I’d say I married losers, but then what does that say about ME?”

“Hang on – they started out normal. They just got weird later!”

“Oh, THAT’s much better! You’re saying I took normal men and turned them into complete idiots! Damn, I’m good!”

“Hmmmm…..if you put it that way…..”

And they both dissolved into laughter.

Later, after the auxiliary teenagers had changed the guard several times, Sonja thought about that conversation. For a smart woman, she sure had made some dumb choices. Now she didn’t trust her ability to make those choices. She had built walls, and around the walls, she had dug moats. The moats were full of alligators. No chance of anyone making their way through that! But she remembered her dream. There was acceptance there… and love. But it was a dream – and dreams aren’t real.

Crash! The cat came racing through the living room with the dog in hot pursuit. The doorbell rang and the procession of teens continued, punctuated by bursts of persistent bass as the bedroom door opened and shut. It was time to make dinner and the house needed cleaning. There were bills to be paid work to be done. Soon Sonja would be able to escape back to her dreams. Soon…