The Dream and The Reality

Part One – The Dream

It was 6:15 and the alarm shrieked its wake up song at full volume.

“You’re a BITCH girl, and you’ve GONE too far…”

Sonja never opened her eyes as her arm swung up over her head and began patting the headboard in a blind search for the source of the offending racket. Her groping hand located the clock radio and she fumbled for the off button. She succeeded only in knocking her instrument of early morning torture off of the headboard and onto the floor – still blaring.

One eye pried itself open and Sonja muttered under her breath as she leaned over the edge of the bed to retrieve and turn off the radio.

“Damn oldies channel. Shoulda left it on the jazz station.”

Finally, the wellspring of the aberrant noise located and silenced, Sonja rolled onto her back, sighed heavily, and stared up at the ceiling. She needed a few minutes to pull her thoughts together before getting out of bed to face her day. She had been very deeply wrapped in a dream, which she had been loath to leave. Sonja had been dreaming of a love and acceptance she found only in her dreams these days. Since she didn’t have to be at work particularly early, Sonja closed her eyes to try and recapture the magic of her dream. It wouldn’t be too difficult for, although the setting and the other actors in her nighttime flights of fancy changed, the theme was consistent.

The mini drama always unfolded in a home – her home. Sometimes it was a simple hut on a deserted beach, sometimes in a grand and glorious manor, sometimes she lived in a monument to yuppie-dom, and sometimes on a farm. Some nights the setting was a light and ethereal place, with fluid walls that was unfamiliar to her, but felt like home. On a few quite remarkable nights, the locality was some curious blend of several of these dream homes.

She was never alone in these dreams. Sometimes there were children – her children. The ages varied, as did the genders and the number of children she had. But always, when there were children, there was love for them. It was an unconditional love that knew no bounds. These were not perfect fairy tale children, but they were Sonja’s flesh and blood and she would have done anything in her power to keep them safe. And she knew, as sure as the night follows day, that she was loved in return. She was not always appreciated, oh no. Not even in her wildest dreams could Sonja conjure up perfect adoring children. Her mind could not conceive such a thing, for that would have removed their humanity, individuality, and much of her love.

She always lived a portion of her life in these dreams. Sometimes a single day, most times it was years – lived in the course of a single night. There were good times and bad. She felt sorrow, pain, joy, hope – a full range of emotions. Her life was never the same from one dream to the next. But there was one constant.

There was always a man in Sonja’s dreams. When she looked back on her dreams, she could never quite describe his features. She didn’t know if he was tall, short, stocky or thin. What she did know was that there was an aura of strength around him…and that he loved her completely. Sonja’s strongest feelings in those dreams were of freedom, acceptance, support and – oh yes – and awe. She was amazed that anyone could accept her. No, that wasn’t quite it. She was amazed that there was a person so secure in himself that he had no qualms about accepting her, along with all her idiosyncrasies. He added balance to her life. When she lost her focus, he was a friend. When she was ill, he was sustenance. When she was scared or joyful or confused, he was always an unconditional refuge. He was not doting. She didn’t live those various lives on a pedestal. But he was there – fully there – for her. And, as a result, she was more fully there for him than she had ever imagined possible. She felt no need to hold a piece of herself in reserve. It wasn’t always fun, but it was always safe and real.

Sonja sighed again bemoaning her dreams in her mind. Dreams seemed to her to be a product of an over-fertile imagination. Nothing, in her experience, in a dream ever had the slightest resemblance to reality. However, she treasured her dreams and those nightly escapes. If only……

And the alarm erupted again, jarring Sonja fully awake this time. She grabbed the clock and shook it.

“When will I learn that the snooze button is on the LEFT and the off button on the RIGHT?!?!”

Sonja turned off the alarm, stumbled into the bathroom, and turned on the shower. Time to face reality.