May 30, 2007

Nothing To Say

It’s the truth. I have nothing much to say. However, I have an incredible urge to say that nothing right here. My fingers need the exercise.

At some point, I seem to have ceded half of my bed to the dogs. I don’t know how that happened exactly. They have their own custom made beds. They have their own flluffy pillows. They have their own personal maid who maintains these beds just the way they like them. OK. I maintain them just the way they’d like them if they were actually going to sleep in them.

It’s bad enough that I have less room in my own bed than I did when I shared it regularly with another 2 legged creature. But the crowning glory on this idiyllic little picture is – dog farts. Dog farts at midnight….and at 2 a.m…. and at 4 a.m…. get the picture? Enough said.

Well maybe that’s not really quite enough said. If it’s not sporadic dog farts, it’s continual dog breath. Hot and spicy all night long. In my ear usually. But sometimes down the back of my neck.

And the twitching paws! Oh my goodness. Chasing furry little bunnies in their sleep I suppose. If they ever catch one, I’m gonna guess that my pillows (which they delicately rest the big old fat heads on) will be shredded history.

Sometimes Kya wakes up and catches her reflection in the mirror at the end of the bed. Then she growls and barks at herself. Of course she doesn’t actually realize that she’s trying to threaten herself out of existance….

Oversleeping. BIG problem. If I sleep too late, hot sloppy tongues all over my face are the tool of choice to waken sleeping beauty. And when I am about to cuss them out thoroughly….they look at me with those big brown puppy dog eyes……and all is forgiven.

EXCEPT for when the toenails get too long and scratch me while they’re chasing bunnies in their sleep. Really – that is unforgiveable. Get a pedicure for pity’s sake!

Oh dear. I just went back and read what I wrote. Seems that sharing my bed with my two beloved dogs is really no different that sharing it with husband’s past… farts, bad breath, twitching paws, lots of ridiculous growling at nothing and a hot sloppy tongue.

So really – does anyone wonder why I got divorced???

Case closed, cause I’ve got nothing to say.

May 31, 2007

LOL How true that sounds, and I don’t have a dog..:)

Luna

Few things in life make me laugh more than dog farts! I used to housesit for a friend whose dog was afraid of farts! Not kidding. If anyone farted, he ran out of the room. The funniest was when we would be sitting on the be (me in bed, reading, him, dog-lounging) and HE would fart and scare himself! I almost peed from the laughing.

Jinn

That is why I refuse to sleep with dogs…Smiles…It’s good to read an entry from you !!

Arbi

*grin*

blevins

LOL! Large dose of strange truth from someone with nothing to say. I didn’t note to your last post but your UN family and friends is wonderful to be hold. Such lovely smiles, such joyful times. Baby will love seeing pictures of that occasion as she grows.

solovoice

The gas our puppy passes could peel paint! I often have about two inches of space because of two of the dogs and the neurotic cat. I am awakened in the morning with weight of the third dog on my chest giving me sloppy kisses.

February Gold

You mean a puppicure! Hahahaha! Maybe you should lay in their bed and they will want to lay there. If its possible. eBay is just so so so fun! I love it there and spend waaay too much money there.

amorcita.

oh how i love this. i miss my old man dog SO MUCH. i lost the custody battle. 🙁 but your pups sound adorable, farts and all!

moongate

“Seems that sharing my bed with my two beloved dogs is really no different that sharing it with husband’s past… farts, bad breath, twitching paws, lots of ridiculous growling at nothing and a hot sloppy tongue.” I am laughing so hard my eyes are watering!

Willy & Wilma

The ass gas is most likely from yeast fermenting sugar in the intestines. Pepto Bismol is an antibiotic that can kill it and give good bacteria a chance to take over the food processing with very little gas made. I have a bad case of farting myself and am thinking of using three days of Pepto Bismol double doses to clear them out. On the other hand, for every molecule of fart gas (CO2), there is another of C2H5OH… ethyl alcohol, like in vodka

lifeisuhmistury

{{{{{{{TOO}}}}}}}} Oh shit, I am laughing so hard I’m crying!

aquaphoric

you should get them doggie breath mints. That’d solve one problem.

Queen Wysiwyg

Yeah…sounds like you’ve got the DISadvantages of sharing a bed without any of the advantages! 🙂

.imp.

June 1, 2007

What? No SNORING?? That’s next, I’m sure…MUUUUHAHA!!

zhnee

And this is why I sleep alone. Still chuckling.

jule

hell. i even kicked my cat out of the bed. just me and my pillows. lots and lots of pillows. and i still oversleep too. LOL good entry anyway….. now your crazy really shows. *grins and runs away laughing*