My Itty Bitty Shi**y Little Feelings… EDIT
Chickie is graduating Friday. Today was her last school day. Young Stud and Star are flying in just for her graduation on Thursday afternoon. In the midst of all this excitement….I still managed to find time to get my feelings hurt.
About a month ago Sis offered a graduation party to Chickie. Sis loves these big to-dos and promised that Chickie could have a party for any and every one she wanted. Chickie said she really wasn’t interested. Sis asked me what to do? I told her that we should check back with Chickie again in a week or so to see if she had changed her mind. Then I got lost in the whirlwind of teacher appreciation, shopping, 8th grade dance, end of school, after school program, etc. When Sis did not ask again, I just sort of assumed she didn’t want to do the party. I never assumed she wasn’t even going to attend the graduation.
Family times were always a big deal for Sis and her family. They had HUGE family parties for birthdays and graduations. It has never really worked out that way in my family. We have always been a bit more casual. Because of the physical distance between Sis’ family and mine, I have not been able to attend graduations and birthday parties. My circumstances have always been that I work. Sis’ have always been that she got to be a stay-at-home mom. Neither good or bad for either of us – just different.
When Young Stud graduated, Sis and her husband drove across several states to make sure to be there. Today when I called Sis about Chickie’s graduation, she said she thought she was going to go to a painting class instead. She would only have to drive across the county this time…a 30 minute drive…not a 30 HOUR drive. YET – she is not sure she can be there. Sis’s response to that……Young Stud is nicer to her than Chickie is.
I told her that hurt my feelings. "I" am her sister and, if nothing else, she could be going because it is MY daughter. (Never mind the fact that a lot of the animosity she feels from Chickie is brought on by her own behaviors and actions). Sis said that Chickie didn’t care. Chickie isn’t all that nice to her and it wouldn’t matter.
Shit. Chickie hides her ‘caring’ behind a very callous outer shell. I know this because this shell frustrates the hell out of me. She does it to me also. If she can just pretend she doesn’t care, then it doesn’t matter what you do to her – it won’t hurt. That’s the theory anyway. Sis knows this. We have discussed it.
SO…….this young lady who is pretty sure nobody in her family gives a shit about her, is just about to be proven correct. Her own aunt won’t drive across town to her graduation. Never mind what that does to Chickie’s feelings. It crushed the hell out of mine.
And Sis says…….well, you’re so casual about everything – how would I know that its important to you?
How about 47 years of history? I have ALWAYS been more casual about things. MY WHOLE LIFE is more casual than hers. I am more laid back by nature (although I do manage to eat with forks and spoons rather than my fingers on most occasions). Do I have to issue you a formal graduation invitation for you to know it’s important? OH WAIT!!! I DID ISSUE YOU A FORMAL GRADUATION INVITATION!
And at the end of it all……Sis says she is sorry. She didn’t mean to upset me. She loves me. She’ll see if her painting class is going to be at a crucial point on Friday or if she can maybe skip out a little early…..
Whatever. Do whatever you like. See if you can squeeze us into your oh-so-busy life. Apparently the painting class still holds priority over me and my family. That sucks. This is why Chickie has that hard-ass shell out there. If I pretended that it didn’t matter to me that my sister is stomping all over my feelings, then it wouldn’t hurt at all, would it?
FOOTNOTE: I know there are two sides to every story. I realize that this is probably a communication snafu. I understand that I am being a bit dramatic here. But dammit – it’s my diary. It’s my life. And right now, I am feeling pretty stomped on.
EDIT: I just re-read this. My bad. My error. I have spent a lot of time in my life putting the needs/wants of other people ahead of mine. Now, I realized, I just want somebody to put MY needs/wants ahead of theirs – just once. Not every day – I just want to know I am that important to someone – at some point…..please.
I don’t blame you, I would be uspet too.
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Better communications between all concerned would help bring you together
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Sounds like you have made it clear that it does matter to you and that your feelings are hurt and that you want her to attend. Now the ball’s in her court. We’ll see what she does. You get to let go of it now and do all of the thousand things that need to be done at graduation. I just went through this two years ago – with three different groups of family who don’t talk to each other!
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Family drama sucks. SUCKS.
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If your feelings got hurt, there is probably more to it than just drama. Maybe something not so obvious. I know that my daughter’s pain/joy is my pain/joy, no matter how much I try to distance myself from her.
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((hugs)) I don’t think you are asking for too much here. My mother has conveniently been able to get out of some very major things in my children’s lives because my dad might be there. She drove over 24 hours to come to my son’s graduation and then wouldn’t come to the party at my house because my dad was going to be there. Made me mad, it wasn’t my dad graduating. 🙂
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I hear you. Everyone else’s feelings always come first for me, too. Hence, my irritable, bad mood of late. Sometimes, I just wish someone would take care of me.
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Your last two sentences say it all. Don’t apologize for any of your feelings. I know that feeling of just wanting something…anything….to go your way, just once. Or to know that you are important to someone. Go ahead and feel this way, it’s valid.
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It’s OK! You are pooped from being so busy at this ‘teacher-time’ of the year so things are really hurting you. I know this won’t help much, but I had a good guffaw when I first found out how Americans celebrated highschool graduations, and I am not being mean. Shortly after marrying my husband,I uncovered boxes of graduations gifts that he had received when he graduated from school in Texas.
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((((hugs))))
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Good Lord, he wasn’t getting married or anything. Why on earth all the gifts? I could believe that there were even engraved invitations/announcements! Up here we don’t have all the pomp and circumstance surrounding those events. I am a laid back person, too. When I graduated from university I wasn’t even going to attend my ceremony until I found out mom and dad had booked the day off work to come.
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Maybe she is testing you…???
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not very conciderate of her, at one point I’d let her know how her ‘laid-back’ attitude hurt you and your daughter.. huge feel better hugs xxoo
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Some kind of breakdown in understanding along the way? I do hope Sis makes a point to get there now that she knows how important to you it is. I’m thinking in the long run Chickie will appreciate it, too.
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My own daughter is graduating Saturday. I’m guessing she wants me there so I’ll put on a smile go… even though there’s been some unspoken issues lately. Half my fault for not communicating well but I’ve been sick. Family, ain’t it great?!? 🙂
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You want what we all want and what we all deserve.
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Why should you blame yourself for others failing to understand. You sent her an invite!! How COULD there be a break in communication? Hugz
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Your sister offered a big to-do graduation party but now may not come to the graduation? Something came unplugged there. I’m sorry. A graduation is a big deal. It’s time to make nice and celebrate. I hope it all works out, for all of you.
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You are important..to everyone who knows you. I’ll bet she will be there and she will think not one thing is wrong. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just exchange brains for maybe 10 seconds sometimes? Hugs to you, Sunshine Wolf.
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((((((HUGS)))))) and LIGHT to you and fam!
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..ty, It is me as cat massaging 🙂 love you, Faerie
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Oh damn the communications. I hate when things like this happen. I’m sorry your feelings got hurt. I hope it doesn’t put a damper on this very important day. **thinking of you**
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I think you’ve made your point. I am betting that Sis will show up. I hope she does.
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I’ll check my lottery ticket and if I won the $21 million, I’ll come down. With a hug…
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personally I would rather it went back to the cleaners inside the pants of the tux, then inside whatever girl they had the date with..Thas just me..
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Sorry, but I think you have a point here…a BIG one. I can just imagine how hurt Chickie’s feelings are going to be. What is Sis thinking?? That doing this will HELP the relationship?! ugh.
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btw, I don’t suppose we want to imagine how many 8th grade girls went home a little wet and bothered too, do we? Lust cuts both ways Ms Wolf..
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Communicating has never been my strongest point either
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I don’t blame you for being upset. I’d be upset too. I hope your sister figures out that this is not about her at all and does the right thing.
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I have a sister like yours, and sometimes it surprises me what she considers important and unimportant. I don’t blame you for feeling hurt and upset. I’d be angry too.
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No one is blame for the anger (except maybe your sister). Chickie is normal, she feels uncomfortable with the fanfare. Why is anyone asking her permission to honor her in the first place?! You are mom, making Chickie the most important person in your life – above yourself and your sister. Your sister should have thrown the party anyway. Her feelings are hurt, too… it was her gift.
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I say, “Let’s not take the attention off of Chickie… Let’s happy dance over the fact that she graduated!” It is *something* – just ask those of us that have no graduation to go to because our children are so messed up! Make this ALL about Chickie… even if she sighs and frowns.
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Saw your note at Falling Dog’s. The only way you can use Fuck in notes is with a code with brackets. Here is the code but don’t put the spaces in and you will get what you want. F uck
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I’ll try it again. Put this code between the f and u.
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Once more. < /! >
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i’ve started telling my family/loved ones when i am needing to feel special. and surprisingly they do it for me with a smile. i’m also the one in our family that puts my feelings behind theirs and makes sure they feel most special. they tell me they like it when they can “special” me back. go figure that. i’m sorry your sis hurt your feelings. sometimes people don’t think out to the edges.
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There are certain times when wanting people to put your needs before theres is important, and your daughters graduation is one of them! I hope it goes well 🙂 Will be thinkng of you all tomorrow. ps did you get the parcel?
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I would have felt the same way.
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Reading on to see how it all turned out.
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Well as I’m reading backwards I know that all ended well. My sister’s boys have that hard shell too – I never know how much I count for them. You seem to speak for me and my sister here. Guess we sisters need to be the adults sometimes, eh!?
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Oh girl, I totally know where you’re coming from. You have every right to feel that way. You are important to a lot of people here in OD and especially your students. *with a big hug*
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