Multiplicity – A Stream of Consciousness Entry

At least I hope I have some consciousness to stream…

I am 50 years old, MY "baby" is now 21 and has a baby of her own.  I always knew I would get to this point in my life, but I never thought about it.  Now it’s here.  Wow.

This is a very difficult school year.

On the arrest front…..the hits just keep on coming.  More this week – mostly drugs, but also a strong-arm robbery arrest.  Student-on-student.  I am not timid…..but I wonder how long it will be before I no longer feel safe at school.

I wonder how it must feel to be a 11,12,13 year old in my school.  Seems to me it would be scary.  Several arrests this year for weapons at school (no guns, knock on wood), many for drugs, several trespassing arrests and now a strong-arm robbery…..that’s some scary shit.

On the student front……I have never seen the like.  Generally, these children don’t give a tinker’s dam about anything.  They respect no one and nothing.  Grades don’t matter – an F is as good as an A.  I am speaking about the prevailing attitude.  And it doesn’t seem to be dependant on grade level or age….they just don’t care.  How does a 12 year old get to that point?  How do nearly 1000 11 – 15 year olds get to that point?  I don’t get it, and I find it HUGELY frustrating.

Speaking of frustrating – is anyone else baffled by the array of presidential candidates?  I mean the 3 "frontrunners".  2 Democrats with virtually NO experience (yep, Hillary, too.  In my book, First Lady doesn’t count as government experience) and a Republican who’s age and health give me serious cause for consideration.  All of THAT without ever getting to the "issues"…… another scary place for me.

I am tired and apathetic once I leave school.  All I want to do is come home, sit on my bed and do ‘stuff’ on my computer.  I don’t want to go anywhere, be with anybody, or do anything.  At all.  I am retreating, I see it, it worries me……and I keep right on cocooning.  The effort required to go out and play nice just doesn’t seem worth it.  Not good.

Teacher burn out is a huge problem – especially with new teachers.  Everything I have read says that a HUGE number of teachers never make it past year 5.  Heck, they never make it TO year 5.  I know why.  This is the hardest job I have ever done.  I’ve worked longer hours, done more difficult tasks……but the demands of teaching on a person are beyond description.

I used to love music.  I still have that memory, but I rarely listen to anything any more.  Music was once one of my greatest joys.  Now…eh!

I am losing weight – and without any effort on my part.  Good thing or worry?  Dunno.

Why don’t thy just add a Law and Order Channel on TV?  I don’t think there is an hour of the day that you can’t find an episode of some flavor of Law and Order on TV – just condense it on one channel and make it easier for the junkies, for pity’s sake.

My sister has a criticism of me.  She says I "manage the news".  What she means is, that I selectively tell people things.  That’s a bad thing.  Manipulative is the implication, I believe.  Oh.  So tell me, why SHOULD I tell everybody everything?  I mean aside from the fact that I would bore everyone in my world to tears as I talk about mememe…… Is it really so bad to manage the news?

My dogs have fleas and the lush beautiful grass in my back yard is now a sand pit.  When did THAT happen?

Still waiting for my million dollars and my knight in shining armour.  Oh wait – you have to work hard for both of those things…….I’m going back to my computer and send my Sims on vacation…….

Back to the "I don’t care" attitude…….am I reflecting that?  Oh goodness……now I have to do introspection.  I hate introspection.  I think I’ll just turn the channel…..Law and Order SVU is on……….