Mishy-mashy Hodge Podge
Becuase of some of the things I have read in a diary or two (or more) here, I have been giving some thought(s) to matters of faith, spirituality, religion.
Granted, I have a little bit different take on the whole "religion" issue than many folks. My father was a jew. It is my understanding that when he married my mother, he converted to christianity for whatever reason. Although I am not a jew, I have a more thorough knowledge of judaism than most non-jews because being a jew is part of who my father is, regardless of what religion he professes. He has generously shared that part of himself with me.
I spent most of my growing up years attending a methodist church. In the big wide worl of chiristianity, they tend to be one of the groups/sects/denominations which is most inclusive. Occasionally my mother would also take me to the unitarian church which is a horse of an all together different color.
I attended catholic school for grades 7-12. I married a catholic and my sister converted to catholocism when she married her hubby.
My daughter-in-law is the daughter of a baptist preacher. An educated baptist preacher at that – he was the head of divinity at Vanderbilt University.
I have spent some small amount of time doing tibetan buddhist meditations and studying a little bit about buddhism.
One of my very dearest friends in the past is a Hindu and I have spent much time reading Hindu literature and being taught about it by my friend.
Currently, I have a rather loose affiliation with the unity church (NOT unitarian – altogether different animal). A very loose affiliation. They offer some workshops I like to go to.
So what am I trying to say? That I’m SEARCHING and can’t find the "right" religion? Not at all. What I’m trying to say is much simpler than that.
RELIGION AND FAITH ARE EXTREMELY PERSONAL DECISIONS.
Thats it – plain and simple. I just gave you my background. From there you can make any number of assumptions about my actual "faith". Knock yourselves out, if you even care (and I don’t know why you would). I accept your personal decision about your faith without question. It is, after all, your decision to make.
And what a perfect segue into my next diary topic…. decisions.
I respect your decision – so why is it so heart wrenchingly difficult for me to accept Chickie’s? We share a car – and she seems to think that sharing with me is too difficult. She wants insurance – but mine is too expensive (so she says) and *I* need to get on the phone and find her better rates. She would like to get a car – but is angry that nobody will buy it FOR her. Like I have the money for that… And she is unrealistic – she wants an SUV no matter what. Let’s talk about insurance rates for THAT. And when I try to set aside time to go look for cars and insurance – well she’d rather go see her DAD (who she hasn’t seen in several years) than settle down and deal with this. Its much easier to scream at me…and blame the problems of the world on me. I’m pretty awful, ya know?
Today when I told her I wouldn’t be home from job #2 in time to pick her up from her job she went psycho. I told her that grandpa could probably pick her up…and she screamed unintelligibly about things that she had to do and how she couldn’t wait and I KNOW what she has to do every night! Then she hung up on me. In a few minutes I got a text message on my phone from her saying NOT to call her – she wasn’t coming home tonight and she’ll be all right.
True to her word, she won’t answer her phone. She has not called my father for a ride to work. When I talked to him, he told me there is nothing I can do now that she is 18 – just let it be. I calmly and politely (yeah, right – calmly and politely!) informed him that I couldn’t JUST LET IT BE! I’m her mother, for pity’s sake! And she’s gonna go be a ho, not graduate from high school, and have 12 babies next week! And you think I can just LET IT BE!?!!!
WORK IN PROGRESS UPDATE: Chickie has called my dad for a ride both TO and FROM work. She has come down off her high horse long enough to phone me. She is grumpy and surly. And *I* have decided not to be held hostage by her hysteria any more. Next time she goes over the edge…….then I am going to do just exactly what my father suggested – and LET IT BE. We are all, after all, in the care and protection of someone/something greater than ourselves. It’s just REALLY hard to remember that when I’m talking about my daughter.
Talk about your perfect segue again……parents.
One of the teachers here that works at my school has gotten into some trouble at home – ugly divorce. He got arrested for domestic violence and burgulary – which can most accurately be interpreted as busting a restraining order and trying to see his kids and get some of his possessions. Dangerous criminal? No. Bad decisions? Yes.
The students obviously know something is up when their teacher doesn’t come to school for DAYS. I tried to play dumb. I’m pretty good at that. But these kids are pretty street smart – and they looked up the teacher on the sheriffs department website which allows you to see all adults arrested, when, why, bail amounts, pictures, etc. Then they came into class and showed ME the information on this guy. So much for being able to play dumb.
Here’s the real tragedy though. The next pictures the kids looked up in the arrest record – were their parents, siblings, cousins, uncles, etc. And not just one student – many. I stood there with my jaw hanging open. One little girl showed me her mom, dad, sister AND brother. Do you see why these kids have a strangle hold on my heart? What must it feel like to want to show your teacher a picture of your parents – and the only one handy is the photo from central booking?
So a mish-mash entry today. Not where I thought I was going….but it is where I ended up. Some days make me more tired than other days, ya know?
I had kids in my class that were the same way. They would show me letters their dad or mom wrote from prison. *sigh*
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{{{Hugs}}} Yep about the religion thang; my own spirituality is definitely home-grown. And good luck to you and Chickie — the whole quasi-independence/dependence of that age is nervewracking for all concerned. Heartbreaking about the kids, too. *Sigh*
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I didn’t like them much from 18 until….well, I’ll have to get back with you on that, the clock’s still ticking! lol You forgive them a bit when they bring you grandkids. *ryn* I don’t suppose I could have made her any other way, I didn’t have much else to draw upon.
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I have sad news…I’m 54 and my mom is 81 and it is still difficult to live together. *sigh* You handle a difficult job with such grace….
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it’s like Silas Marner. Your read it because you had to. in a MASH episode the reporter asked Winchester, “What memory will you take from here when this is over?” And Winchester says, “Nothing. I dismiss it as it happens..” I’m that way with a lot of the literature I had to read. I read it. I did not retain any of it..
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right at the moment I’m reading among other things, Some plays from the 40’s and 50’s. Streetcar, Death of a salesman, Iceman Cometh, Come back Little Sheba, because I want the “Story”. I can live without the analysis..
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(((((((((((Oh, I love you TOO!)))))))))))))) I’ll try calling later on when I get the free rate….
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It’s the VERY hardest thing in parenting for me, but you’re so right: You CAN’T let them hold you hostage to their hysteria. It takes two to make a drama. I find myself re-using more and more with my teens (even “adult” ones) the skills I learned when they were tantruming 2s” raise an eyebrow and walk away, then offer a quick kiss and a little sympathy when they straighten up. Keep the faith!
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As a non-Mum I can sit back smugly and hear of others’ trials with their adolescent children, can’t I! Yes….well… My new after-school charges are rapidly approaching adolescence. Yesterday the 11-year-old let her 9-year-old sister do all of a task that was intended to be shared, then came at me with a “Yeah, whatever!” when I commented. Reality check! Very best wishes to you and your daughter
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Oh dear…I don’t know what to say about Chickie. Why do kids who want to be treated as adults regress into babies? Yeah, YOU should call for better rates, Mom! Not her, of course. Letting it “be” is really your best and maybe only recourse, but a very difficult thing to do. On days you’ve had to “let things be”, feel free to vent in here. Or hit her with a soap in a sock, same difference.
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kids, we have to love them right? 🙂
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well. i’m glad i’m not the head honcho of the universe because i have enough trouble managing my own affairs let alone overseeing every single thing gong on in every city and every state and.. well, you get the idea 🙂 i’m familiar with the Unity religion of which you speak. spent teenage years in that church. i am no longer there.
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daughters are a trip. do you remember when mine left home for a month? she had just turned 18, i didn’t see or hear from her for a month other than the roses she somehow managed to sneak in the house for my birthday. i got so jumpy that every sound might have been her. it was one of the most indescribably awful times of my life. probably hers, too.
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life altering choices she made but has grown wiser and more responsible in the past 5 years. we have survived! lol! you and chickie will make it through these tumultuous times as well 🙂
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Thanks for stopping by my diary. I think I have read your diary before?? I am so there with you in regards to your dtr. It is beyond me how those teenage hormones rage on after they turn 18 and think the world still revolves around them. To “let it be” is impossible for me… even now that she is 33yrs old! It never ends, just changes over time. 🙂
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Let it be. Great advice. Your dad must have been a Beatles fan. How sad about your students and fellow teacher. I admire your diverse religious appreciation. An open mind is a beautiful place.
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Wow, they have a website with that kind of info to the general public? I don’t think that’s necessary and you have a case in point. Hmmm. I’m glad you’re not going to let Chickie hold you hostage anymore. You don’t deserve to be treated like that my friend. SOMEDAY, she’ll grow up. About the faith thing, I’m sort of with you. Not sure where I stand, but do have my own beliefs.
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Great entry, P. I grew up loosely Methodist, went to Catholic schools, attended Unitarian churches for a looooooong time, tried Catholicism, and now I’m back to being cynical, agnostic, and loosely Unitarian again. As for the DOC site, my friends who worked with me at the hospithell and I like to see if any of our former patients are in the hoosegow!
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It’s hard when parents need to start tough love.
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Being a mom (or a teacher) is not for the faint of heart!
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It’s so much fun when they stretch their wings. Ahem. I saw a woman on PBS the other day talking about mothers and daughters and she made some wonderful points about Mum being safe to attack because her love is always unconditional and no matter how ugly you get, she’s there later for you. With a warm smile…
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What a life these kids of yours lead. With many blessings to them and to you…
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your plate is certainly full of responsibilities, you don’t know how much respect I have for single mothers, let alone being a teacher on top of it.. wow girl.. sending you warm thoughts and a ton of positive energy.. xox
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I assume you have issued the old Mothers Curse..”I hope you have a child just like you”. She’ll remember that when it comes true, as inevitably it must. LOL. My favorite victory in life came from watching my daughters get theirs. I nodded in sympathy and grinned myself silly.
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RYN: It’s hard to miss a storm when you are living in the middle of one, just a different source. LOL. Thank you.
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RYN: It’s all that extra REM I’m getting I think! *ROFL* Have a good day, I was thinking about you yesterday when we were talking about liscensing. Teachers are fingerprinted in Florida? Massage therapists are too…and many other professions where care is given. Made me think of you…which of course made me smile…which of course made everyone wonder WHY I was smiling. ****Grins****
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Absolutely! on that ‘Extremely Personal Decision’. Yours would be an extremely interesting viewpoint to me. Chickie sounds so young and frustrated, we can hear her cry and encourage her to get a car from Daddy. Mothers with very big hearts must put MIGHTY effort into showing beloved daughter how we stand up for our integrity, including with beloveds. It helped with my two. Hang in there gal!
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Wow…lots of big stuff here. Regarding religion: I think religions are fascinating and that there’s useful something I can take away from just about every one of them. Who says we have to pick ONE?!
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P.S. Uh…I just reread my note. Dyslexic much? Ugh, well you get the idea…
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I’m with your dad, the more you fight her on a subject the further away she’ll go. Give her some space to run off and she’ll come back ***HUGS***
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