Insanely (Or is that Inanely) Bored…

Young Stud went home, the Christmas frenzy is over, I’m still unemployed and still smarting over my ‘friend’s’ betrayal. I have a bookcase that needs painting and a quitclaim deed to get filed. So….of COURSE I don’t want to anything and I am BORED. My brain doesn’t seem to be functioning in any constructive manner, so I am embarking on a diary project which is a large departure for me – a survey! But one answered MY style – c’est la vie!

1. What’s on top of your desk? If I answer this completely I will exceed my character limit for the next 7 entries.However, it may give you a hint if I say that I haven’t actually SEEN the top of my desk in 17 years-but I’m sure it’s under there somewhere.

2. What is an appropriate curfew for a 15 year old on a weekend night?That would depend on a lot of factors. Is this the parent’s opinion or the teenagers? If you’re the parent, do you actually LIKE the 15 year old and want them back in one piece? What country do you live in? And finally-I’m not sure that 15 year olds should be loosed on the world AT ALL!

3. What should be done with telemarketers?Shoot em all and let God sort em out. Hang on-that was a knee-jerk reaction. Upon further reflection, I’d have to say – nope. I’m sticking with my first answer.

4. What do you think of when you hear the word “weasel”? Dubya

5. Which of Santa’s reindeer do you like best? Olive the Other Reindeer

6. What kind of screwdriver do you like best? The kind that comes with Orange Juice and Vodka

7. Could you ever be friends with someone you knew served time in prison for committing murder in the first degree?It would probably be easier than remaining friends with my so-called best friend. (Told you I was still pouting about that).

8. What words do you like to hear the most from the opposite sex? Here’s my credit cards, my check book and my wallet. Do with them what you will. And when you get back from shopping, I’ll be waiting here nekkid on the couch, flexing my amazing pecs waiting for you to ravish my body. Is that so much to ask of a guy?

9. Do you prefer dining in or dining out? As long as I’m not cooking, I don’t care where I dine!

10. Do you think there is a “correct” way to install a roll of toilet tissue on the dispenser? Absolutely. It must be installed so that it doesn’t come flying off at the first tug!

11. Have you ever considered getting your genitals pierced?No. But I have considered personally piercing the genitals of one or two individuals I’ve encountered over the years…

12. If you have had a tattoo done, how old were you?40

13. If you have a tattoo, why did you have it done?Cause the tattoo artist was SO talented that I couldn’t say no. I was all out of breath from screwing anyway. Oh yeah – he is talented at tattoos as well.

14. Your ideal man approaches you – how is he dressed? Nothing but a kilt, baby!

15. Do you find freckles attractive? Since I have (at last count) 1,492,354 of them, yes. And anyone who cares to comment on freckles had better find them attractive as well…if you get my drift.

16. Do you like country living or city living? I used to refer to the VERY rural place I lived in as Nowhere, TN. So tell me – which do YOU think I prefer?

17. Say you just purchased a parrot, what would you teach it to say?I’m a prince in disguise. Kiss me and all your wishes will come true. Then I’d sit back and watch the action.

18. Who’s your favorite James Bond? Sean Connery. (Please refer back to #14 and kilts….)

19. How do you feel about the practice of chest shaving?Why would anybody practice shaving their chest?

20. Who do you resent?It’s a tie – Dubya and my ex-friend are running neck and neck.

21. Would you destroy an ants nest in order to preserve an area in your garden? In a heartbeat. Guess those Buddhism classes I enrolled in didn’t “take”

22. Have you ever found a cartoon character sexually attractive? Batman and all that black rubbery leather…..Oh hold me back.

23. You just saw a mouse. What do you do now?Give it a survey and bore it to death.

24. Are you a regifter?Isn’t this a Seinfeld term? I hate Seinfeld and all things associated with it. How did a show about insipid self-absorbed morons totally entrance an entire nation anyway?

OK. Well that was certainly …er…different. I promise not to inflict anything like this on anyone again any time soon. On the bright side, now it’s bed time and I can go to sleep!