I Think I’d Rather Be A Cowboy….
There’s some song that has that line in it. “I think I’d rather be a cowboy…I think I’d rather ride the range……..” Yep. That’s pretty much what I’m feeling right now – anywhere but here!
Chickie will turn 18 in a few days. Yippee! I’ve raised another child to adulthood without having to either send them to rehab or go there myself!!! You’d think things would be looking pretty good for everyone right about now.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! This next bit is a gripe-fest served with extra whine.
Chickie’s dad was unemployed much of the 7 years we have been divorced. There were many occasions he did not pay any child support and many more where he paid a reduced amount. We talked about these moments when they happened and he always agreed that he still owed the money and would repay it as he was able. By the way – some of those times he wasn’t paying I was also unemployed and without money, but I still managed to keep a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.
Now that she is about to be 18, I decided to check on his future plans regarding paying me back that money. Did I mention that he is now married to a woman with a very good job, he owns a house, a Harley and his truck? Oh yes – and he is also employed. But I digress. The money he owes me. Cany anybody guess? Yep. You got it. He has no intention of paying it. Instead he says, since the money was supposed to be to support Chickie, he’s gonna send her a few bucks whenever he can. Not only that, but he’s already talked to HER about it and promised her money. SOoooo my darling girlie-girl is starting to make big plans for all the moola that Daddy-dearest will be sending her.
HALT! REALITY CHECK! He may, indeed, send her a few dollars for a couple of months. And then, mysteriously, he won’t be able to afford to send her any more money. I can see thais coming a mile away. Big ouchie.
And back to MY reality. That Son of a Camel owes me THOUSANDS of dollars which he has smugly informed me that he’s not going to pay. Did I mention that I never took him to court or went after him legally when he was having tough times? Jerk!
And his reasoning? Very sane, oh yes. You see, *I* should have gone to court when I was making a lot more money than he was and gotten the support reduced for that period of time. Me. I should have done that. Not him. The person who actually OWES the money. And there’s still a credit card out there with his hame on it and a balance on it that’s keeping him from getting credit so I didn’t live up to the terms of the divorce. Really? Yes, there is a card with a balance in his name. I uae that account and I pay on that account. That accont AND every other one that I agreed to accept responsibility for in the divorce. MY half of the expenses. HE, on the other hand, chose to file bankruptcy and run out on all his debt which, by the way, TOTALLY screwed my credit because some of the bills he agreed to pay (and then ran out on) were in joint name.
PLUS – we still shared funds before the divorce was official. NOW he feels that this money should count towards the $$$ he skipped out on post divorce.
AFTER I told him that his attitude was morally reprehensible and his irresponsibility was legally not gonna cut the mustard, he really hit below the belt. He informed me that Chickie hates me. She is always calling him and saying what a *B* I am. I have a terrible relationship with my daughter and it is all my fault, so I shouldn’t accuse him of any wrongdoing.
Chickie and I do have a rocky relationship at times. She’s almost 18 and trying to grow up and away. I’m her mom. I want her to grow, but I sometimes forget that. And sometimes it scares me. And sometimes I want her to grow “my way” instead of hers. That’s pretty normal mom/daughter stuff. We’re just a little more vocal about it than some may be. And yes – we do get angry and yell at each other and say things that we don’t mean, like a couple of morons. But we love each other. That JERK really knew how to get to me – attacking my ability as a mom.
I told him that I would see him in court. He said he didn’t think so. Seems he doesn’t think I have the balls to take him to court. You know, I never took him before because I didn’t want Chickie hurt watching “mommie” put “daddie” in jail. You know what – she’s old enough to understand right and wrong right about now. And he is dead wrong. I will be finding the most bloodthirstly attorney I can find and going after his ass. It’s a long trip from Virginia down to Florida for court – but I guess he’ll have to make that trip.
I cried and cried and cried. I was hysterical. My finances are so tight – without that money, I don’t know exactly how I’m gonna keep going. I’ve already cut just about everything possible. No more DSL, no fancy phone service – just nuts and bolts. My dad called and I bawled all over him. He freaked out. I don’t ever cry – and I certainly don’t cry hysterically. He didn’t know what to do. Did I mention that I spent a day in the hospital with him last week because we thought he was having a heart attack? Geeze!
I cried all over my sister and my best friend. By the time Chickie got home I was calm. I informed her of the situation and the hurtful things her dad said. I was not accusing, just factual. She called her dad and talked to him a LONG time. She was pretty upset. They squared it away between themselves however they could. Then she and I talked about a lot of things that are on her mind. Its pretty scary being 18 and about to graduate and then what? OK. I get it. There are things she needs and she doesn’t think anyone will help her. She won’t ask for help. Hmmmmmmmmm. And more and more and more…….
At the end of the night, I was able to go to bed feeling much better about my daughter and our relationship. I still think her father has turned into a scum-sucking pigdog. And I am still getting a lawyer.
RANT OVER. TAKE A DEEP BREATH. WHEW!
Back to work before my babies come in to make their valentine cupcakes!
AND YOU BETTER GET THAT ATTORNEY OR I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN IN GOOD OLE VIRGINNI AND SLUG YOU MYSELF. YOU ARE CHICKIE’S ROLE MODLE…DO NOT BE A DOORMAT ! YOU ARE A BRAVE, STRONG AND INTELLIGENT WOMAN AND DO NOT EVER FORGET THAT! RANT OVER….LOL HUGS,
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wow. I can not believe what jerks some people can be… take his ass to court and sue him for damages too… I am impressed on how you handled things with your daughter. you absolutely rock.
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valentines cupcakes? chocolate? 🙂 you go, SW, hold that scumbag’s feet to the fire! its not easy being the mom of a teenage girl. you do the best you can, maybe there’s a few bumps (ok, maybe some BIG ones) on the way but she’ll be just fine. so will you~
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What a freaking *expletive deleted* If it’s any consolation, Chickie probably will realize quite soon that her dad is a jerk and that you are the (much) better parent. She’ll come to appreciate it, I promise.
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Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. It’s time for his assholishness to get the lesson of a lifetime, and you’re just the one to deliver it. Resolution will never come in this situation unless you instigate it and follow it through. The money will come from somewhere, just TRUST. Just do it. Just put the energy in motion and awaaaay you’ll go! I admire your courage. You go for it.
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Follow through with it. I have always wished that my mom had done that to my bio-dad. I have always sworn that if the man ever actually has money (not bloody likely in his lifetime, but IF), I myself will sue him for the back child support. I don’t think the measly $25/month he was ordered to pay was too much to ask!
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I’m so sorry. I know how much it hurts to have your kid’s bio-parent waltz in, fcuk things over and then waltz out again, leaving you to clean it up. No matter how much you yell at one another (and mothering teenage girls is not easy!), Chickie knows who is and has been there to *care* whether she grows up healthy and whole – though you may not get thanked until she’s a mom herself, she loves you.
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I think pigdog is giving him far too much credit and gives dogs a bad name. Go for the gonads and then hang them by a nail in the sun to dry and shrivel up. I’m glad Chickie handled it well. hugs…
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ryn… you’re on!
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I’m so relieved that by the end of the day you were feeling much better about your daughter and your relationship. I’m bemused at your ex-husband’s logic; though you’ve often been the only financial support for your daughter he feels that he should pay her, not you?! Yes… well…. The very best of wishes for getting him to think more clearly, with the support of the courts if necessary.
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Now I remember why I waited 25 years to leave my ex…..I could not have faced a custody/child support battle. Take him to court, no matter what it takes. I would bet he’ll have his wages garnished for back monies owed. Just do it. RYN: I say we run start a new website together, donating fat to those anorexic movie stars! You can wear your cowboy outfit when you do so.
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Oh I hope you get a GOOD one too. He obviously owes you a shitload of money and he owes Chickie far more than a couple bucks. I’d call him an asshole, but that just doesn’t even begin to cover it.
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Your state must take child support a lot less seriously than mine. There is no reason you should need a lawyer. Any money he owes you should be taken out of his pay automatically through your local child support agency. Further, any tax return he might be entitled to should be mailed directly to YOU, no matter how old your children are. I’m not understanding what’s going on.
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And for the record…. you should most definitely fight for every cent he owes you. Dead beat dads make me ill. If he had so little regard for his children that he’d deny them support, he doesn’t deserve their love. Grrrrr.
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Well good! He should pay what he owes, the irresponsible, self-centered, immature manipulator. But itÂ’s sad that you have to go through this hassle. As if you donÂ’t have enough to do. IÂ’m glad your daughter understood the situation.
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Get that attorney and go for the jugular!
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oh yes, get the lawyer and go after him. And good luck with these next few years with Chickie, I have one that is about to turn 20. 😀
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If you were a cowboy, I would help you and we could lasso that little feller and calm him right down. How do you say steer? LOL.
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One of the smartest (and hardest) things I ever did was toss Kidlet out of the house and make her go live with her father. It lasted less than a month and she got an upclose reality check about how good her life was (is) here and what a flake her father can be. He was never as bad as your ex, but she got the clearer picture real fast. I hope you get all he owes you and more. (c)
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(2) The idea that any parent can think they have no financial responsibility just because the other one “made it to 18” is so fucked up. Bastard. I hope he has to pay you all that money AND that his dick shrivels up and falls off. Where’s that voodoo doll?
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I hope you clean his clock. And take it.. take him into court and take him for EVERYTHING you can get. And I’m male.. Take His ass to the cleaners..men like him, make the lives of men like me, so incredibly hard, because all of us get lumped into being like that..
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My ex owes more than 46,000 dollars (240.00 total per month for two daughters) but I’ll never see a penny. You are so wonderful for making it this far, for raising Chickie so well, all without his sorry no-good ahem. Any parent who reneges should be held accountable by the law. He’s an adult and he owes you both.
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Go after the SOB and spare neither rod nor whip nor whatever your lawyer can come up with. It looks like Chickie is realizing what’s important and right (as well as what’s wrong). After the long rant your valentine cupcakes had me smiling….
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I love you, Too. So much. Wish we lived closer to each other so we could have long talks, rants, and then the best part….laugh like maniacs! I’ll try to give you a jingle this weekend, it’s been too long. Hope you get a kick ass attorney!There are responsible people and then there are shitheads….shitheads need courts to show them the way of their errors….and the courts WILL do that. HUA!
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Love TO you, Have a nice Valentine!
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What an arse! Get that attourney and scrape him over the coals while they’re lit. I’m so glad you and Chickie have the kind of relationship where you can discuss this stuff *hugs* RYN: I’ll look into the wrist bands for you… anything for chocolate right..?
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