I Don’t Want To Be Here

It’s raining and I don’t want to be here.

I don’t want to be at this place in my life.

I want to be somewhere else – somewhere more defined and less uncertain

The rub is that, I wan to do things I’ve never done and go places I’ve never been.

I want to walk naked in the streets.

I am supposed to be doing something.

What is it?

It seems as if I am getting a message –

A message that I am going in the wrong direction.

Just a few short months ago everything seemed to be going right.

I was going right.

I’ve done nothing different – done nothing wrong.

I’ve hurt no one – taken positive steps personally.

Why then, am I unemployed and floundering?

Where are my friends?

I used to have so many.

I want to be normal.

I want to walk in the rain with my love.

I want to spend a day out with the girls.

I want to shop, and lounge in museums.

I want to travel.

I want to work at a wonderful and fulfilling job.

But I don’t want to be normal.

I want to stand naked under the full moon.

I want to really see.

I want to wear outlandish clothes.

I want to come and go as I please.

I want to write poetry and drink whiskey all day.

I want to be a heathen.

I want to walk barefoot on the beach for miles and stop to roll in the sea.

I want to work magic.

I want to be grounded yet ethereal.

I want to be sane yet crazy.

I want to be dependable and unpredictable.

I want to be loved.

I want, I want, I want…

Such a ball of confusion.

What a pit of conflict.

Where do I go?

What do I do?

Where do I begin?

I’ve taken steps – first one direction, then another.

But nothing seems to work.

I see no differences.

I see no light.

I see nothing in front of me but question marks.

I don’t even know where to start.

Log in to write a note

By the gods, Sunshine–you’ve turned into me. Or I you. Shall we run off together? With a smile…I think you can figure out who is unsigned again today (offering chocolates)

Hugs

((hugs)) Are you sure you aren’t me, I am so in this place right now. I think we all need to escape. 🙂

March 20, 2002

So, you want to be a Gemini, eh? 🙂 Look for an e-mail from me within the next week or so. 🙂

if i had answers i would not be in the same boat

March 20, 2002

Guess what story I’m starting to tell?

yep , definitely a Gemini/female mood. not that this will make you feel any better but you are part of a very big club . HUGS and hang in there , something will happen .

Whats to stop you from dancing naked under teh full moon??? 🙂

Let’s see….what would happen if you tried to prioritize this list? Would that even be possible? Or maybe you and I have a similar problem….we want it all and haven’t yet accepted the fact we HAVE to choose? Reading between the lines of your list, I see a person with strong passion for life. Never give up, SW.-Jeff (aka Bill Gates)

March 20, 2002

I love your name and EnTRy! =) and lots of light to you! IT is SNOWING HERE, oh yay! LOL! YD it was sunshine, rained and snowed….=)LOV

March 20, 2002

You won’t get anywere riding off in all directions at once. Do SOMETHING, even if it’s a fast food place. With your background you would soon own the place and start expanding. Read the McDonalds Brothers’ story. Their marketing guy bought the franchise & made $600 million–wouldn’t let them use McDonalds on their own burger place.

Figuring out what you really want to do would be a great place to start. The only problem with that, is that’s the hardest part of life!

((HUGS)) SW, life flows like a stream. You’re “eddying”(one d?) is all..

Mns
March 21, 2002

starts with a first step… guess the key is to figure out which direction. you’re not alone~

March 21, 2002

and from this entry I know you are speaking of life..everyones life huggles you tight

My God – You’ve said it all!

Good read! Expression at its finest. My faorite part was: “I want to be sane yet crazy. I want to be dependable and unpredictable.” With few words your writings seem to carry such meaning! Keep the pen flowing!

March 25, 2002
bd
March 25, 2002

boy does that all sound familiar..it can be so hard to choose something and then go for it…i hope you get out of the confusion for at least a little while