January 22, 2003

For Now…

Humor is my weapon.
Humor is my solace.
Humor is my cover-up, my defense, my everything.

Having said all that – there’s not a damn thing humorous that I can find in my life right now. It’s all too pathetic to be funny. And who bears the responsibility? ME.

I have health issues…none of them major, but enough minor ones that the straw that will break this camel’s back cannot be far away.

I have sanity issues. Nope – not going ‘postal’ yet, but that may just be because I make sure to keep no weapons of singular (or mass) destruction in my home.

What I’m doing right now isn’t working. Of course, that just may be because I am doing absolutely NOTHING. I am vegetating. I am withdrawing. I am paralyzed.

The good/bad about that is that my dad is providing me with the cushion that allows me to remain paralyzed. I am not living high on the hog – but I am living…in my own home…with a car and food and all the material basics.

Life is about more than the material basics. When one doesn’t have the mental and spiritual basics in place… who gives a shit about the rest? (oohh…that was harsh, wasn’t it?)

This is a rather lengthy ramble – I guess I should get to the point.

If you don’t see me here for a while…please know that I haven’t forgotten you. I am most likely missing you very much. You guys have become treasures to me. But for now…I think I need to withdraw even further in order to find the strengleth to battle back. Not sure that will make sense to anyone but me. But then – do I ever?

There is so much going on behind the scenes that I wish I could tell you…because maybe you’d understand it better than I do. But this is just way too public a forum for that. I woke up screaming last night, with my heart pounding…certain I was under “attack”. I’ve never done that before. Ever. Screaming. too weird – I just don’t have problems like that….but apparently I do.

I hate being needy. I don’t know how to be needy. *I* am the strong one – the glue that holds eveything together. I have never been allowed to fall apart or to have someone take care of me…What to do when the glue comes unglued? I need to find a way to take care of me so I can still be strong…or I’ll crumble.

I’m rambling again. I’ll be back – bigger and better than ever (er- I mean that figuratively – I certainly don’t intend to gain any MORE weight to get bigger!) just as soon as I get a grip on…..on something! Course I probably ought to figure out what that something is first. I’ll still check my e-mail. I’m not THAT much of a hermit!

Love you guys!

flesruoy ekam

January 23, 2003

:whack: CONGRATS! you have been hit with a random note! WEE!

Mns

January 23, 2003

humor is a great thing. so is chocolate! 🙂 sometimes life is such that we have to laugh so we don’t cry. i pretty much understand what you’re saying here…. just don’t stay away too long. i don’t see your e-mail on your contents page, you gonna post it?

lifeisuhmistury

January 23, 2003

(((((((Wolfie))))))) Okay, now I know why I woke up in the middle of the night wondering what the hell was wrong…even thought to call you but it was 2:30am…were you up? Crap, you’re a smart woman, you can do this!!! Best of luck in future endeavors, your own “retreat”, and in coming back ’cause we’ll miss you too. ***Beams you a big smile*** It’s so freakin’ cold here…-30to-40F…brrrrrrrrrr

Sometimes we need to take a break from everything. You’ve had alot of stressful things happening in the last while, it’s no wonder your feeling unglued!!!! Being a strong person, doesn’t mean that you have to be strong all the time. I know how this is, everyone is counting on you to be strong and it’s just not there right now. You will be back, stronger then ever, but you need to recoup!!! xox

And many of us adore you in return, most cherished Wolf. You know my email, my diaries, and if you need to chat, just holler. I’m also usually the strong one, and I well know how hard it is to cave in and lean on someone else. Damned near impossible, but sometimes necessary. Do what you must and know that we will be missing you. With an enormous hug and much affection…T, still U

Lael

January 23, 2003

We, er can’t speak for the rest of the gang but I will be here when you return, oh yeah that drum you got,,,sometimes it’s great just to find someplace to go and beat the ‘ell out of…..don’t worry about correct rythem. play what your heart leads you to play, it’s for your ears not anyone else’s Lael

things will change for you, dont give up

Ah girl…I’m sorry this is such a crappy patch for you. I’m going to refrain from depositing yet another pep talk here and just say: I’ll be watching for you, rooting for you…~:) ArtImp

aquaphoric

January 23, 2003

if you are going to check your email, can I have your email? I think I will miss you too much if you go away… you’re one of my favorite favorites, no lie. I always save what you have to say for last… save the best for last. I honestly hope you get everything worked out. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. If you want to talk, check all your notes to find my email. *hugs*

As the saying goes laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone….

((hugs)) don’t be gone too long. I think that I am facing a lot of the same feelings and issues you are. Hang in there. 🙂

Methinks this is not a good time to withdraw. In fact, your very urge to withdraw signals that it’s not a good time. REACH OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We love you, too!!!!!!!!!!!!

humor is always a way to avoid things…im kinda fond of it 3.1.03

Ainekate

January 23, 2003

Dearest Wolfie, take what time you need. I can sympathize & understand how you’re feeling. Please, please come back as soon as you can. You are a wonderful person. I feel truly blessed & priviledged to have gotten to know you here. If you’d feel up to it, please e-mail me. I’d be thrilled to hear from you. You’ll be in my thoughts. Take care hun! *with a big warm hug & kiss on the cheek*

ermentrude

January 23, 2003

humour’s great and sometimes it’s not. The times it isn’t is when it hides what’s really there. Take care SW, find some extra strong glue and let your dad hold you up. It is his job after all 🙂 I look forward to you writing in the future, take care and I will miss you a lot *hug*

you have until ground hog day, and then, by then, if i don’t see your shadow here you are in for it. I know your chocolate weakness darling, and i’ll just make chocolate shaped wolves, (er somehow, maybe tuppence will help me with the designs) and then we’ll film ourselves eating them and you’ll have to come out to join us, i know you can’t resist us, er chocolate! 🙂

LOVE YOU! Ribbit, not frozen streets nor iced over frog ponds will keep us from giving you a big amphibian *HUG*

Elle: 2

January 24, 2003

Life has it’s ups & downs and at times the downs seem harder and longer (I could write a couple of books on this)….so do what you need to do for you. We are all here and you have my email…just holler if you need and hurry back. Big Hugs,

Torin

January 26, 2003

Lordach lives! And speaks, yet. Delightful to chat the other day, dearest SW. We must do it again sometime. Oh, by the way, I didn’t win the $6.5 million, but I DID win a whole $6. It’s a start. With a smile…

Mama Blue

January 26, 2003

Find things that feed your soul. I find some of that here, through friendship, but there ARE times when I have retreated a bit to pursue other interests. RYN: I watch very little football but BUCs fever is running high. I live about an hour south of you. 🙂 Hi, neighbor!

In my case it retsinated all over the place. Have written a luvly romantic gooey cushy luv pome called >>For Love. Opes ya like it. I am too busy writing anti war pomes and tomes and feeling depressed so about time to write of love. Yeah baby!!!Keep up the writing …Lerv alexias

Torin Invanusson

January 27, 2003

I bet you thought all the story-telling was going on over in Pay-to-Play OD! With a grin…

Torin Invanusson

January 27, 2003

Going for a record number of notes on a single entry. With a grin…

We love you too, SW! Fancy disappearing just as I come back to FOD! Hurry back, honey! Hugz

i miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i cant wait for your long awaited return..hehe well be watching!!!

Torin

January 28, 2003

And wandering by on another post-entry stroll. With a smile…

Nectar

January 29, 2003

sometimes we need to take time to heal ourselves….you have been amongst many traumas lately and they have been harsh ones…I know the pain of betrayal as you do and I guess the right thing for you to do is to find yourself…don’t forget me..I think you are the lovliest…huggles you warmly

Come over to OD+ to read me, P–I’ve had to make my FOD diary private because of continued abusive notes. When we can delete notes here, then I’ll make my diary available again. Until then–I’m only on OD+, unfortunately.

Torin Invanusson

February 1, 2003

Dropping in again, dearest. With a smile…

K it’s groundhog day. you alive? just post I’m alive or send me y9our phone number so somebody there can verify your living. i only had your cell phone from two years ago chica. 🙂 Stands here holding some lime yoghurt or is that really a margarita! 🙂 ribbit

Torin Invanusson

February 4, 2003

Testing the note-leaving ability. With crossed fingers…

*~*Lady Moon*~*

February 5, 2003

You are wonderful LIGHT

It’s okay to be “needy”, it certainly doesnt make you less strong, and I have a feeling you’re very strong…I hope you’re smiling…..yes, smiling is a good thing!!! ~Hugs and Loves~

Not sure what’s worse… Night or Day dreams. Hoping things work out for you… and for your quick return.

Well damn and grrrr. How did I miss this one? Hey, write!!!!