Diagram of a Horrible, Awful, Very Bad Day…
My sense of humor seems to have flown the coop today, but it’s amazingly resilient – so expect to see it, in some warped form or another – popping in here somewhere.
Yesterday was a day of loss. Thankfully it was not a day of loss of life, limb or health. What I lost yesterday was less tangible, but still quite devastating in its own way.
Yesterday I lost my trust. It hurt like hell and I’m pretty sure that if I could actually see my soul there would be a gaping bloody hole in it.
I was on a cranky day yesterday – probably PMS-ing. Felt out of sorts and hermit-ish. So…..when my boss showed up on one of her rare appearances at the office, I was not exactly thrilled, but I put on my happy face, because my boss has been my best friend since we were 9 years old.
We talked about stuff and things….and then my boss and friend for nearly 35 years totally devastated me. She told me that we were going to have to close up the office and that I’d no longer be working for her.
My best friend leaves me high and dry with not even a week’s notice, 3 weeks before Christmas. To underscore just how unfeeling she truly is about anyone other than herself she made 2 comments: “I’m glad your sister will be moving in with you temporarily – she can help pay your bills.” and (my personal favorite) “*I* don’t have anyone to pick up the slack for my bills when I run out of money.” (an oh-so-thinly veiled reference to my father’s ability to help me out). Then she sweetly batted her eyes at me and asked “Do you hate me?”
Saints preserve me – I don’t know HOW I did it – but I managed to stay calm and refrain from grabbing her around the neck and pounding her head to a pulp on the desk.
Hate you? Why should I hate you? Because of your coaxing and promise of employment I left a home that I loved and uprooted my daughter AGAIN to come back to Florida. Based on your enticement, I moved so far away from my son that I’ll be lucky to see him twice a year rather than once a month. Because of my faith and trust in you as my oldest and closest friend, I put myself in your hands fully expecting you to respect and cherish that gift. The betrayal of all that surely isn’t a reason to hate.
But it is a reason to never trust you again. Not a single inch worth. Not with my thoughts, feelings or heart. I’d trust you with my last penny though – for that truly is the only thing you understand.
The good side is that my son will be home for Christmas and I will get to devote every minute to enjoying him. (hmmmmm…..better let him know just how much MOM he’ll be getting!!)
And I knew that I needed to look for another job. This was not my cup of tea and I had no health insurance. I was planning to do that at the first of the year. It really didn’t occur to me that my friend would do this to me 3 weeks before Christmas.
Last week I accompanied her to do some shopping. In the space of 2 hours she had spent $800.00 on two suitcases and nearly the same amount on shirts, sweaters and blouses. The week before….$500 on blouses and $200 on a leather jacket. And now she’s out of money – my salary at the business is draining her. In an entire week she doesn’t pay me what she spends in one two hour shopping spree. Am I bitter – you betcha!
Does she understand what she’s done to me? Not one iota. She truly sees the justification for all she’s done. It makes perfect sense to her and she doesn’t see how I can see it any other way either. Besides – DADDY will pick up the slack for me, right?
Except Daddy has already spent $5000 moving me down here and $25,000 for a down payment on my house and another $23,000 to make up for the loss on the house I sold in Atlanta. And he is subsidizing me temporarily with the house payment because the salary she was paying me as a ‘beginning’ salary was not enough for me to pay for a roof over our heads. All of that money Daddy has already spent based on her offer of a job. And now I should just pop on over to him and say “GIVE ME MORE!!!”
I should have seen this coming I guess. I don’t know. So…..it’s off to find a job yet again.
It’ll be OK. It must. Chickie is doing so well here. I cannot leave my father again – not after all he has done for me (and the fact that I already flew the coop once after he had helped me enormously). And last night, I put on an old Lesley Gore CD……and Chickie and I danced around the house singing at the top of our lungs…..
IT’S MY PARTY AND I’LL CRY IF I WANT TO…… followed by a rousing chorus of….. YOU DON’T OWN ME – DON’T TRY TO CHANGE ME IN ANY WAY…. And I felt a huge weight lift.
This will be a difficult December – (remember me saying I hate November and December?) But the coming year is a blank page just waiting for me to write on it with big bold strokes. (er…probably preferably not in big bold strokes of my ‘friend’s’ blood….but who knows?)
The Universe loves me and blesses me. I can say it – now I just need to believe it.
Huggies… I don’t know what else to say… ‘cept, be strong….
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*UGHHH* and I say that with a capitol UGHHHHHH* That wench! You want I should go down there and hurt her for you? 🙂 Seriously, I can’t believe how some people are that thoughtless, let alone someone who was supposed to be such a good friend. I love how you and chickie used music (LOUD MUSIC) to help cope. It does work, doesn’t it? 1 for music 0 for your (so called) best frie
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p.s.. and RYN: All the cool and wonderful parts about me – you know exactly what to say to make a girl feel good, don’t you? Thanks sweetie. I needed that. *hugs*
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OMG that was cold!! Can she really be that much of a heartless bitch????? I’m so sorry that this has happened. But you my friend are strong and will come out on top. I use music to cope with bad times too. Much love and laughter ~hugs~
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Oh my goodness, I really think I would have throttled her. With friends like that who needs enemies. I really can’t believe somebody would do that to you, and right before Christmas and then still want to be your friend. I sure hope you haven’t bought her anything for Christmas. ((hugs)) I don’t like December either. I guess we have to put up with it anyway. 🙂
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sheesh, friend or no friend, i would have strangled the woman! totally out of line the way she handled things and really her loss since trust is something no amount of $$ can buy. you’re strong, clever, and very talented SW, let’s hope since she, in all her holiday kindness slammed the door, there will be an open one somewhere {warm hugs}
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A warming hug and much light from Sweden to you dearest S-W —- CARE AND many oh´s! If you need anyone to listen to you, I will be here by the side….
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There’s just something not RIGHT about the Universe at the moment. What with Paula’s daughter’s accident, another of my Faves going through a bad spot, my own crap–it seems downright weird. But, not one for reading too much into naturalistic events, I’ll just say that I hope your “friend” finds out what it’s like to be unable to drop $800 frivolously. The bitch! Thank you for your kind notes.
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Well… that kind of sucks… further proof that people will always hurt you somehow *sighs* sorry about your bad luck. And the universe does love you, or at least the members of it who read your OD daily 🙂 sometimes some people get so money oriented, they lose sight of what’s really important… and all reality. Will you be okay? I hope so. *hugs* she doesn’t realize what she’s doing… ttyl
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Oh, dearest Sunshine. Words fail me. I can’t begin to express my sympathy and horror at all this. Life will unfold as it must, but I hate when it’s so damned hard and harsh and hurtful. With the biggest hug and warm blessings and much love…
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God Bless you. First thing, as much as you hate having to depend on him, be thankful you have your father. Second, rush right down to the unemployment office and foodstamps, it is not much but it will help. Third, grab hold of your positive attitude and aqueeze it tight, I know you can make it. I live in terror that I will go in to my office and be told I have no job.
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OMG…this sucks so much ass that I’m completely speechless. I’m so sorry. ~:( ArtImp
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Sheesh, what a downer, Sunshine! Well, you said you weren’t very happy there and was thinking about looking for another job. Wonder what boss lady will do if she is closing the office? Does that mean she’s out of business? If that’s the case, she certainly could and should have handled it in a more share-the-misfortune way CompuKat has a good idea. There may be unemploment insurance available
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I am so sorry…..I don’t know what else to say….keep writing and we will keep reading and caring….~hugs~
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Damn…what a bitch!! To think of all that you did and how she repaid your kindness with this nonsense just pisses me off. I just know she won’t be getting anything but coal in her stockings from Santa this year. *hugs* It’ll be ok sunshine. ryn: heck no, in fact I think you know a whole lot of things about a damned lot of stuff! =)
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Oh Geez! You poor dear! I admire your will power. I don’t think I could have restrained myself with the bitch. My deepest sympathies hun. What goes around comes around & I truly believe she’ll gets hers one day. With warmest hugs!
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Oh, lordy – how utterly awful. Darling, you’re not alone – I understand your grief and disappointment. Let’s pray that there’s a silver lining on this cloud of yours. 🙂
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Just to thank you for your note . No-one makes me offers so it is easy to hold refusal in the corner…sigh…along with turkey…Alexias
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woah. i’m really sorry to hear that. i’ll send good thoughts your way, and if you need some job hunting spells, email me. ryn: i’d love to help on the grill, too bad i know we’re just joking or i might actually book a flight.
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I hope that raggedy excuse for a human being is ready when what goes around comes back to her…and you’re not there as a friend!I’m sending you warm hugs and good thoughts. If I was independantly wealthy I’d become a philanthropist…and you’d be a recipient. I’m stunned at how some people live their lives…or their excuses for a life.I’m so sorry things turned out rotten w/ this deal,I know…
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how tough this whole decision re: moving was for you and the kids. One thing I do know is you are a very talented and beautiful person and you will go on to bigger and better things minus the icky so called friend.I’d apply for unemployment and use any other resources available to you…food stamps, whatever. What a jerk! I feel just awful for you, Wolfie. Hey, hey…
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What a pile of shit. Sorry SW but this is how I feel. I can’t believe she has done this to you. I just wish there was something I could do… but there is a small Christmas preset coming…. guess!! I am VERY proud of you for not hitting her, strangling her or basically trashing the office. *HUGE HUG*
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HUGE wolf howls for ya! So are you going to open your woooo woooo bookstore now in the warm south with no ice storms and no power outages (most of the time except when it’s two hundred in the shade and your last tree has a bird in it who – oh but nevermind about the summer) SO i am so proud of you for not killing her. I know i would have exploded. SUch restraint. WOW. you are SUPER WOLF!!!!
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Super Wolfie girl is greatSUper wolfie girl’s never Late WIth a smile and hug for her friends She’s got the biggest giving heart that never ends Super Wolfie Girl loves booksshe loves to read and has a desk full of rooks. She’s got more smarts than any redhead i know. She’ll land a great job and i’ll say, I told you SO!
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reyn, you can wear your slippers now! 🙂 okay i’m going. see ya after i get back from my job interview and library book stacking. Then i get to wash the showers. want to help? no really, it’ll be fun cuz the kitties want to get in on the act and they really like the vinegar smell. (did you know white vinegar kills fourteen or more kinds of mold?)
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I will do the only thing I know how… The Universe shall provide that all needs of sunshine wolf’s shall be met X9 that she will find a job quickly easily and efficientlyX9 and that the pay will be over and above all she needs in life adding a few luxuries as well I thankyou I thnakyou I thnakyou sobeit sobeit sobeit huggles and yes I think she is incapable of seeing past her self
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that was not capable of seeing past herself at all times…time to reevaluate the friendships surrounding you love Kristine
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betrayals always hurt! sorry!
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Xmas is not all it should be or what we want it to be and there are such joyless and heartless witches in the world. Betrayal is hard to take when it is from a friend .Did she kiss you on the cheek as well? But I neva met a girl called Judas…perhaps she is the first. So sad to see such a sunny heart made sorrowful….LUV..Alexias
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omigosh….you know what youre gonna do…… youre gonna show her….and you know how i know? cause youve got soul. it takes a stong woman to keep her wits in tact when shes getting emotionally stabbd in the back… “if you can give it; i can take it; cause its going to take a lot more to break this heart than this” ill be praying.
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oh! lol this is casey by tha way..i almost forgot!! “familiar places” hehe yet another name change.. one more thing……hes def. a “yes mam” type cowboy. 😉
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I am sooooo sry hon….but your strong find that in yourself and you will be doing GREAT Lael
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Oh honey I am so sorry to hear this. I know what it is to be let down by a long and trusted friend. I can totally empathise. I know you will find another job soon….you’re too good to be down for long 😉 Hugz
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I don’t understand people sometimes… I remembe reading your diary how you sweated this decision to move out… and months later she does this!?!? you are a better person than I am. I would have strangled her.
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Maybe I missed something…but I believe you referred to her as “friend”……what are you…NUTS !!! you close that door…lock it and throw away the key! ! Do not let this piranah back into your life EVER ! Enjoy these three weeks, apply for unemployment to tide you over till you find a job and do not look back at that _itch/witch! Enjoy your family and the holiday and the
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and the time with your family….concentrate on good memories and positive things. 2003 will be a new beginning ! GO FOR IT! Sending love, hugs and good thoughts!
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The universe does love you and will CONTINUE to bless you!! A note for you (nsi)
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Sorry to hear this, SW. Yes, the Universe will take care of you in its own way, and when it does, it will make up for all lost time and things like this will become a distant memory. Enjoy your family during the holidays and they will provide a source of great strength for you in the new year.
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