Conflict and Relationships

OK. I know – with a title like there you’re all going “Yep – that’s the name of the game – can’t have one without the other!” But that’s not where I’m going with this. That type of entry would span several pages and I’m much too tired for all that.

Nope, this is a little different. About a month and a half ago I had a ‘reading’ done by a very interesting fellow. He is a management consultant during the week. There was evidence of this in the style of the reading he gave – there was a definite motivational flavor to it. I received a tape of the reading. I tossed it into my car and there it has sat. Today I remembered the tape and felt compelled to listen to it on my drive through Atlanta rush hour traffic.

There was lots of good material in that tape, but what stuck with me were two concepts. Almost the first thing on the tape was a question. “Are you in a relationship right now?” My answer was a little hesitant since I had already determined that Bear must move out – I just hadn’t told him that yet. The reaction from my reader was that I most definitely did NOT need to be in a relationship now. The cards showed that I am at a point of new beginning in my life which will require all my attention and energy. If I were to be committed to a relationship, something would suffer – either the relationship or my life.

The second point was that conflict is not bad. It is how we handle conflict which is good or bad. Simple concept, right? Then why is it so difficult to remember?

The universe was talking to me today through that tape and giving me a reminder of where my focus would need to be today. Management structural changes were put in place today and all of a sudden I find myself with 11 people to supervise and 3 more to be hired in the next 3 weeks. If some of the deals come through that are in the pipeline right now, this number can easily double in a very short amount of time. I have full accountability and responsibility for the success/failure of my group. Yes, it seems that I am at the very beginning of a very demanding path.

I didn’t make it home tonight until 9 PM. My poor daughter! No dinner and no mom ‘til very late. I am too pooped to pop. There is certainly not an ounce of extra energy in me to focus on someone else’s needs and desires. Just me and my daughter – that’s all I can handle. Well, my son can float in and out as usual, I should be able to muster enough pep to deal with him intermittently. I’ve only got one question – why didn’t I have a challenge of this magnitude when I was younger, fitter and more eager for impossible tasks? Isn’t this the point in my life where I should be able to at least BEGIN to think about slowing down and mellowing out?

As for the conflict message – I was put into this position over a young woman who, before I got there, had been valiantly battling to assume my current role. Unfortunately for her she had no experience and not enough skills. She also possesses a knack for pissing off her would-be subordinates. She took the announcement that I was to be her boss with a grim face and an air of despair. Over the past few days she has chosen to enter into a pissing contest with me. I think she was sensing that her position was being threatened and was trying to establish herself. Right about now I imagine she is worrying about how I will try to get even with her.

Bingo! Ready made conflict. Now to remember the balance of the message…..how to handle the conflict. She has the core skills and can be taught to be a successful project manager IF she will cooperate and take direction. I’m not sure she will. I hope she does. I intend to give it my best shot. The thin line though is that I get to be the boss whether she likes it or not. The complication is that my boss was forced into making this move against his wishes. He has some sort of personal attachment to this other woman. To be fair to him, I believe he will try to be impartial….but he has already spent a lot of time trying to make up to her for her perceived loss of status and backed her in the pissing contests.

Oh yes, I have my work cut out for me. Gotta stay focused and gotta manage the conflict. Who was the damn fool that said “Life begins at 40?”