As the Milennium Turns

We’re nearly down to the wire and the 1900s are breathing their last breaths. The end of the old and the beginning of the new are here. In these last few hours of 1999 I have found myself preoccupied with the closeout of 1999 rather than looking ahead to the possibilities of 2000. Perhaps tomorrow I will feel more like greeting new beginnings, but for tonight I am fixated on endings.

Were there things that I wanted to do that I didn’t do? Most assuredly there were, but I won’t be doing them in this millennium. I have eaten my last meal, lit my last candle, taken my dog for the last walk. I have felt nostalgic all day and gone over many things in my mind. I have loved my family and friends a bit more completely today for I have given them every bit of my attention.

I am sitting in my living room, the only light coming from the computer screen and the many candles lit. It is not gloomy, it is warm and cozy. I have a CD of oldies playing. More nostalgia. I am not regretful. After all, it has taken the sum of my experience and decisions over the last 42 years to bring me to this point. Is the perfect place to be right now? Maybe not. Were all my decisions wise? Definitely not. But I have loved, laughed, cried, hurt, played, married, divorced, repeated both of those mistakes, made friends, prayed, discovered, learned, danced, sung, raged, eaten, drank, gone new places, come home to the familiar, taken risks, experienced motherhood, worshiped, fought injustice, ignored the same, been outspoken, read, written, changed, grown, played with fire and gotten burned, given my all and held back pieces of myself, uplifted some folks and brought others down. What a lot of life for just 42 years!

This all sounds a bit like a swan song and, in a way it is. Goodbye to the Sunshine Wolf of the 1900s. Hello to the Sunshine Wolf of 2000. I will never again be in this same place again. I don’t regret that one bit. The road has sometimes been rocky, but it has been going in the right direction sometimes despite my best efforts.

My daughter awaits me at the neighbors for an evening of karaoke and food. I am a little reluctant to leave my cocoon here, but I promised….

Wishing you all an evening of magic tonight and a lifetime of your heart’s desires ahead of you in the new millennium.