A Strange Sense of Entitlement

maybe she feels she got shafted in other departments?

oh boy, I feel for you.. probably more teens go thru this than don’t, no consolation I know.. have you had a heart to heart with her lately, sat down on her bed and with love, told her your true feelings, your side of it? that may soften her up and you’ll feel a lot better.. then go take a bubble bath.. or maybe just the bubble bath LOL big hugs xox

Some people, it is just their “way” to feel that sense of entitlement. I have a sister that way. She grew up in the same somewhat poor family I and our other sister and brother did, and yet she’s always felt everyone should do for her and give to her and just generally be there specifically FOR her. *shakes head*

It seems I run into more and more teens with that mindset. Strange… perhaps with the virtual disappearance of the “Twenty years and a gold watch” tradition in the workforce, a career seems out of reach to many young people now. If Section 8 housing is what she can live with, let her. Someday maybe she’ll find someone to take care of her in the manner to which she would love to become accustomed.

I feel for you. I don’t have daughters, but I do have a niece that this sounds like. I wonder if this materialistic attitude has something to do with lack of self worth? I don’t know.

I think it is her age, and the generation she has grown up in. Look at TV and music, of course the world should be like that for her. Plus, I do think part of it is she is scared because of HS ending. I remember that as one of the scariest times of my life. She IS going to college, right??

Its the life they live until they become responsible for the life they live. My son, now 24, told me today that he is grateful that I gave him so much but even more grateful that I didn’t give him everything. I was floored, teary-eyed, and then I wondered if he wanted to borrow money. lololol

I think it’s hard for them to gain independence in a time when they are required (by education, the job market, etc.) to BE dependent far longer than our generation was. I also think they KNOW what buttons to push to play on our guilt. Take comfort from the fact that someday SHE’LL have a daughter — and the stories you’ll have to tell HER!

I think it’s just the way she is, it certainly is not your fault. Some people just seem to be born this way. I have 2 daughters, one leans towards this behavior and the other one doesn’t. It makes no sense to me when they were both raised in the same house, except that they just have different personalities. ((hugs)) for you having to deal with this. 🙂

You meet these wherever yo ugo, hon. Who knows why they think the way they do. I can see similar trends in my 18-year-old son occasionally. Best of luck! Hugz

I am dealing with this exact same thing with two of my kids- Tom and Kay. Both of them feel I owe them because I was part of the couple (my ex and I) who messed up their lives with our fighting, and I should’ve left him a long time ago, therefore sparing them his abuse. It makes no difference that I’m barely getting by and am going through a lot of emotional baggage of my own.

They feel they’re entitled to my undivided attention for griping at me, the money I earn and get in child support for the youngest three and ongoing emotional support above and beyond the call of duty.

It sounds like someone is “spoiled”? One can be spoiled without being rich. People who expect everything from everybody –there’s a term for that — mildly –it’s called 1. spoiled 2. selfish 3. well, they are just thinking about themselves and someday they will or might wake up and see that there’s a whole world out here , besides themselves

Our daughters have similar views of entitlement. Mine though, is quietly manipulative. And she has a codependent personality that is attracted to underdogs who she feels are also entitled. My son works hard and lives well, nothing like his sister. Did we help create our daughters’ personalities?…

…Maybe so. I think I have always put her wants over mine somehow thinking that’s what a good mother does. I’m going to stop encouraging this ugliness though. I need to look out for myself and she needs to learn the joy of self-confidence, responsibility and independence. .

we truly live in an affluent society, even if many of us don’t have it all and can’t give it to our kids. *thinking of experiences with my own daughter* perhaps its something that goes even deeper than “things” and is a combination of several issues that attribute to her attitude. as she matures, experiences life, some of her skewed ideas will probably subside~

and believe it or not, one day she just might say something that will make you cry. you’ll see that light will have gone on in her head 🙂

There are a LOT of kids in her age group like that and I have no idea where it comes from. I haven’t gotten much of it from my own kids, although #1 Daughter has intermittent moments of seeming to believe that way. Mind you, my ex was like that. Still is. With a shrug and a sigh…

ryn: yes, I realize that, but until this morning, it was a public entry. *shrug*

I don’t have any clearcut answers. But I’ve never “gotten” people who think the world (or someone) owes them everything. I provided my kids with the basics (all we could afford) and told them to work for what they wanted extra. Dan became a go-getter because he had a lot of “wants”, Steve was more laid back and contented with less. I can’t fathom kids who think they deserve it all handed to them,

or who don’t remember the two cells phones they had, then get mad when YOU get ONE new one. I still believe it builds character to not get everything you desire. Wish I had a better response for you! Thanks for the note in my journal.

This will not change overnight, she has a mindset that interprets betrayal where there is none. My daughters were easy compared, yours a high spirited angry horse. Maybe if you have a budget to print out and give her and ask her to write the checks and manage taking care of both of you for a few months? Just a thought. Rules being to stick to budget of course. Game of Life. (hug)

Oh, I could write a book in response to this – and possibly every conclusion I drew in it would be wrong! (Trust childless women to always have opinions!) Many of our children have this mindset, unfortunately. I see causes as: 1. our affluent culture. Indonesian teenagers, in general, are much more responsible than ours, maybe because their families are far poorer.

2. the part the child played in the family as it grew up. Did it help or was it helped? My Vietnamese friends’ children, who played a vital part in family economics as children, show none of this Western self-centredness. 3. physiological/genetic factors: the lad I know with mild Aspergers has little sense of cause/effect, has some expectation that things will happen simply because he wants them.

And even if my comments above are right, they don’t help you to deal with the situation now, do they? Will she be going away to college? That forces responsibility because if she don’t look after yourself, she won’t be looked after! Please continue to stand up for your rights; it’s important that she learns to see you as a person, not just a mother who provides for her.

*ryn* Well, I did wake up, but I have this stabbing pain in my side. hmmmmmm Maybe I should buy her a cell phone.

Yeah! Me too!! But what are the odds that anyone would KNOW that??

My guess is peer pressure and the fact that she’s about to graduate HS. And a generational thing, though I think every generation has this to a greater or lesser extent. My parents were Depression-era kids so I was one by proxy — I couldn’t wait to start working and be able to save my own money so as not to be a “burden”; but there are folks of our generation who are like Chickie….

RYN: You might be better off without the reality right now. Can you imagine trying to start a new relationship while Chickie-B is driving you nuts every ten minutes? They say we are given only as much as we can handle (or some such BS)and you have enough then some. A new guy in your life might become gator bait rather quickly, just as soon as he added another “I want” to your extensive list. 🙂

I think it’s a lot to do with the fear of graduation. I remember having that fear, although it didn’t manifest that way in me… I just married an arse!!