Sad
Mom and Dad are leaving AZ in the morning, going back to ND for the Summer. Mom’s cancer has been “under control” for a little bit now, but she’s tired of fighting, and I’m really concerned. As everyone does, I love my Mom like nobody else in my life, and she is my rock. I guess I’ve been concerned about her for a few months now, because I’ve taken the time to see them almost every weekend. It wasn’t until she started talking about her mortality that I got really concerned. I would talk about things we would do next year when she’s down here, and she has said things like “if I’m around” and stuff like that. I had to scold her and tell her that talk will not fly with me. Her father had this same thing, and he lived for 30 years longer! But she was diagnosed with it a bit earlier in life, and it’s really taking a toll. She has other medical issues as well, and she has lost so much weight that she said she is smaller than she has been since my younger brother was born, 49 years ago. I don’t like the quick weight loss, but she looks GREAT! Now she just have to maintain, and not lose any more. Sadly, I’m not sure that will happen with her mindset. I’m really concerned about that part of it. When someone starts wondering if they will wake up in the morning, it really goes fast. So I am screaming inside… at this point, I can’t see my life without Mom in it. She’s been the one I called when I’m elated for something good in my life. She was the first one I called when I totaled my favorite car (at the time). She’s been the one I’ve always thought of first when I have had either trials, or tribulations. Her hugs are awesome, and she is so welcoming to my friends! So many stories I could tell… but she’s always telling me to tell my friends who’ve lost their parents and have no place to stay if they come back to our hometown, they always have a bed, whether I’m there or not! She is a saint! I may not be really religious at this time, so I’m not even sure what a saint really is, but in my definition, she is one. Right up there with Mother Theresa!
I’ve been thinking about writing a book about my life. Just little stories about how great my life has been, with all the trials and tribulations. I’ve always loved telling stories about my life, but in OD’s absence, I lived in Florida for a while, and I met a guy who was thinking about starting a company to make movies, and from what I’d told him, he thought my story would make a good movie. (strange, huh?) LOL But then I started thinking about it, and I really do have some GOOD stories to tell, and as many “down” times as I’ve had, I’ve created them all. I wanted adventure in my life, and I have had it! I’ve been to all 50 states, and many countries. I’ve come out as gay. so.many.times. I’ve never had a bad experience with that. NEVER! Some comical ones, yes, but bad, no. I’ve got some comical stories to tell, some inspiring ones, and pretty much everything in between. I’m really not sure anyone would buy it, but I also know that if I read my story about someone else, I would enjoy it! If only a few people bought my book, and enjoyed it, it may just be worth it to me…. I have very few friends here in Phoenix, and the ones I have all live a good distance away. Might as well make some good time of my loneliness, right?