Updates

I officially suck at trying to keep on writing, I find it so hard to motivate myself to do it though!

I still haven’t talked to Bren since he decided we couldn’t anymore.  The hardest part is that he ran straight back to Sam and starting throwing it in my face at work whenever he can.  Every time I see them it feels like someone has stabbed me in the heart but I pretend not to notice them.  The first two days were the hardest, I was missing him like all hell and when I went out to get my morning coffee he had planted himself as close as he could get to the coffee cart with her for breakfast.  The first morning I thought maybe he’d just got coffee and she’d joined him, but then I came back the second morning and there they were again.  That’s the first time I’ve ever cried at work, I just lost it.  It hurt because it’d only been like a week, I missed him like all hell even though I didn’t want to and I know had the tables been turned I would have way more respect for him than to purposely throw it in my face.  I just.. I have no words for how he has acted.  I guess he really doesn’t care.  I can see the self centered person he is now, he’s only ever in it for him and when I go through all the bad things he’s done to me and the ways he’s hurt me over the years I know I’m better off.  Fuck I miss him though.

Okay off the negative stuff, I went to NZ and had an absolute ball!  I’ve never in my life had a busier week!  I went jet boating x 2, quad biking, FWDing around a cliff and through gold mines another day, I did a wine tour, shot a gun for the first time at moving targets, panned for gold, took a helicopter, a scenic flight, had an entire nightclub booked out for us, ate at some amazing restaurants wineries and buffets, it just went on and on and on.  It was amazingly good for me to get away and just forget about all the shit here and it has made me a lot more chilled out a lot more happier.

I went and had drinks last night because my friend Megan has just moved in to a new place.  I went with Mon, who is my friend that I’m looking to find a place to move into with.  Mon’s a year younger than me (22 turning 23) and I like her and think we would get along well living together because she’s very similar to me, she’s pretty quiet and likes to keep to herself a lot, like me.  She’s a little bit younger in the head as me, she hasn’t had as many experiences, she doesn’t really have any close friends like I do, I guess yeah she’s just a little inexperienced at life for our age.  Anyways that doesn’t bother me at all, she’d be very easy to live with.  ANYWAYS got off on a tangent there.  

Last night we’d had a bit to drink, Mon has liquid courage and is being massively loud trying to keep center of attention, not in an annoying way, but just being loud.  She followed Megs around like a lost puppy because she was the only one there we knew, I just mingled with the other guys, got to know her sister etc.  Anyways she went into Megs room and didn’t come back out, I went down to check on her and the door is closed, Megs is in there with Mon who is on the floor with her hands over her face upset.  She refuses to tell us what’s wrong, we ask a billion different questions as to what it could be but she just shakes her head no, she basically ignores us, runs outside and we lose her for half hour, turns back up and is still carrying on.  I feel like I’m 18 again, but I don’t know if she actually has a problem or if she’s just drunk and is wanting attention (which is what I was inclined to believe.)

We call Michelle (our trainer and friend, Megs and her are like sisters) and say that Mon is being weird, we can’t help her and we’re pretty sure she’s only doing this because it’ll get back to you.  She texts her anyway because Michelle cares like that.  Megs and I have pretty much had enough at this point, I’d gone in, spooned her on the bed and told her she can tell me anything and she wouldn’t believe what I’m going through with my family right now and that it can’t be too bad but she just said she couldn’t trust us and didn’t want to tell us because she’ll get hurt.  She’d sent Michelle a reply saying she was worthless to everything blah blah boo hoo on me bs.  So we go out to town (about an hour late because Mon ran away and we couldn’t find her.) Mon says she doesn’t want to come and she’ll be okay, she’s "talking to Michelle now"  UGH. 
I can NOT stand people who be negative for attention.  I KNOW she’s immature because I don’t really think she’s ever had any major problems in her life, but she didn’t have to ruin our night just to get attention from Michelle.

I was meant to stay at Mon’s place, which was where my car was, but I didn’t want to deal with her anymore, at about 2 this morning I’d had enough of town and didn’t want to go deal with her so I paid the $70 taxi back to my house and slept in my own bed.

It has really turned me off wanting to move out with her.  I know I’m a judgey person but I honestly can’t see how that’s necessary, I’ve been so upset about the whole Bren thing but I’ve been spewing my guts up to her about it and now I feel kind of weird that I did that.  Bleh, I dunno… PEOPLE!

I’m going to see Titanic 3D tomorrow night in gold class with Jess from work.  I’ve seen it a bazillion times and I’m so emotionally unstable I already know I’m going to bawl my eyes out haha.

I don’t think anything else of significance is going on… I’ll mull it over, I have until Wednesday til I have to go back to work yay 🙂 

Me and Chris in Queenstown NZ

Chris me and my team leader Simon going down the luge.  Best fun EVER!