Long time

It’s been so long since I’ve written.  I started a couple of times but then realised I had nothing of importance to say and deleted it.

I feel in a funk at the moment.  I think it’s work.  Which is wierd because I really enjoy my job.  But it’s been hard lately.  I didn’t get a senior position in my dept because two of the team leaders think that I’m "unsocial".  What the fuck ever.  I know who it was, because the two that wanted to me to be leaders told me so and told me how hard they tried.  Worse thing is it’s made me resent that damn place more than ever.  I am NOT antisocial.  I know everyone in that arena and most people know OF me in the rest of the building because of my sales achievements.  No, I don’t go out and get wasted on Saturday nights with them, I don’t go out to rib and bingo nights with them because I’m at the gym NOT getting fat just to sit around with people that I don’t even want to socialise with but feel pressured to do so.  RAH!  The 70 odd people in the dept know me, I have them all on facebook and I talk to them all in passing but apparently I should start doing it in front of the leaders which have not made effort to socialise with me either.

Okay maybe I’m a little more pissed at work than I realised.  I actually had a bit of a teary to my team leader about it because I got told to move around more otherwise I would never be a senior.  I don’t want to sit around and socialise during the day, I want to sit with people that help me get me sales.

I don’t want to be on the phones, but now I’m pissed at all the bullshit that I don’t know if I want to be there at all, even as a leader.  I really would love to be a personal trainer.  But I can’t justify leaving this money, I’ve saved enough for a house deposit, I just haven’t looked around yet because I’m so unsure of what I want.

I’ve started training to be a bodypump instructor, I’ve been taking a couple of tracks once a week, it’s so much fun, but I keep messing the timing up.  I know I shouldn’t be so impatient but it’s contributing to my feeling of failure lately as well I think.  Gym has been going well though.  I’m more than obsessed but I don’t really care, most days that’s all I really look forward to, work is just the 8 hours in between the gym!  I eat much better now so I actually see results in my body and I’m able to push myself way further than before.  I’m looking forward to the fun run season this year to see how much I’ve improved for the year.

I’ve been talking to a boy from work on facebook.  Like, everyday for at least an hour.  I’m not into him, like okay yes I am, but I don’t want to have his babies, I just want to fuck him if we’re being honest.  He has a reputation for being a man whore even though I’ve never seen him with a girl before.  He’s 3 years younger than me, and he’s not someone I would usually be attracted to but it’s his banter.  He’s SO confident and actually thinks he’s gods gift to women which makes me laugh but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t attract me.  He has a mind like mine, which has always got me into trouble, but it’s a distraction right now.  One of the girls I sit with got wind of how much we actually talk and asked last night "what the hell do you guys talk about for so long"  Honestly, it’s mainly sex, like just joking and pushing each other, it’s all a big game.  I’m getting myself in trouble but whatevs.  I think maybe it’s been so long since I’ve had sex that I’m actually losing my mind haha.

Haven’t seen douchebag or his fat girlfriend all week and it’s been AMAZING.  Hopefully they’ve got lost in a dark hole somewhere and aren’t coming back.  It’s amazing how much my mood improves when I don’t stress that he’s around somewhere.

I had a massage today because I squatted too much weight on Monday and hurt my back.  It hurt like a bitch but I know I’ll feel better tomorrow.

Hm I don’t really have that much to write.  Work Xmas party next weekend.  I will be interested to see what happens with boy above.  Or anyone else, I don’t have the best track record haha.