I’m such a girl!

Paul and I ended things.. Okay that’s a lie.. Paul ended things!

It’s too painful to go into at the moment but it happened over a minor fight and then ended up in being the thing that tipped everything over.

I’m trying to be respectful of what he wants but it’s so hard.

It hurts.

Like it physically burns inside of me.  Knowing the one i wanted forever.. Doesn’t want me back.

I can’t eat and i’m not looking forward to sleeping.

I know i’m being totally overreactive.  Paul always did tell me i was over emotional.

I was too attached.. He was a part of me.

He still wants to be friends.  It hurts a lot right now but hopefully in time it’ll be okay.

I know it’s for the best.. As you guys have been telling me for months.

That thought doesn’t stop me crying though.

I feel so alone and like no one cares about me.

Jacq i love you for being there for me.  I wish so bad that i could be near you!

I wish i could fix this.. I wish i could get my other half back..

But it’s not what he wants.. And i have to learn to accept that.

I just can’t

We had breakup sex last night.. It wasn’t sposed to happen and we both knew it was wrong.. But it happened never the less.. It made me sad really.. But this time it’s not something i blame on him.  As much as i suck for doing it.. I would’ve done it again had time been taken back.

I was in his bed because i didn’t want to drive home in the state i was in.. So he kindly let me sleep there.  I woke up through the night to feel his arm over me..  That was pretty upsetting, lying there thinking i wont get this comfort anymore.

If there was anything in the world i could do to fix this i would.  I hope he knows that.. I still don’t think he understands that he does mean the absolute world to me.

My heart is broken.

But i can only deal with it.  I have to learn to stop forcing something that only one party wants.

=( I miss him so so much though.