I’m backkkk

So I’m back in heatless Tassie 🙁 aw.  Got back late last night.  Well actually Geard and I got back fairly early, we went with Jetstar.  Mum dad and little brother went with Tiger unfortunately.  Originally meant to be arriving same time as us.  That flight got cancelled.  Their second one was delayed another hour so they didn’t get back into Tas until like quarter to eleven last night :(. Not fun when I had to get up at half seven to take Geard to work this morning.

He’s finishing up on the farm.  He got a call saying he got the full time job in the fire crew for parks and wildlife.  So proud of him.

I never wrote what happened after my last entry.  I made peace.  Purely because I had two weeks left in a different state with him.  I told him all the issues I had with him and that if he EVER spoke to me like that ever again I was done because, regardless of ANYTHING that I may have done, I did not deserve that and I would’ve never spoken to him like that.

He said he understood and he knew how wrong he was to lose his temper like that.  I’d like to believe that he wouldn’t do it again, but I know he loses control when he loses his temper so I’m only fooling myself to think that it wont happen.  He did make a lot of effort for the rest of the holiday. But as soon as he got angry or upset over something I just shut off.  I’m not dealing with it anymore and I honestly don’t know how much longer I’m going to be with him if it’s how he’s going to act.

I just don’t know if it’s worth it anymore.  I love him but he honestly doesn’t think that he’s done anything wrong when he hurts me.  And he refuses to see that.  He’ll be all "I’m sorry BUT.." 

That’s not being sorry at all.  That’s trying to keep the peace.

Uugh I don’t know.  I don’t know what to do.

It’s his birthday.  He asked for a wallet.  I got him one that he picked out one day and I went back and got it with mum.  I also got him a pair of Nike trackpants for $90 just because I thought they looked like him.  I don’t know how he’ll react to them.  Usually he says something dumb like "I don’t need trackies though.." lol hm. 

He’s deadset convinced that I haven’t bought him anything though lol it’s so cute.. All week he’s been like, Oh I like that, get that for my bday!! Or when he buys something for himself he offers for me to pay and give it to him as a pressie.  I’ve been all NOPE you don’t get a bday present this year I told you I can’t afford it.

He knows I’m dead broke that’s why he’s convinced.  Nope,. $200 on just you, darling.  Even though I can’t afford it.

I had an amazing time in QLD though.  It’s quite heartbreaking not to wake up on the 22nd floor to the sound of the waves crashing.  It is nice here today though, not warm but the sun’s out so that’s a bonus I guess.

I ate so much omg it’s not even funny.  I’m going back to recording everything I eat and making much more effort to exercise.  It’s so hard working a 10 hour day and then finding time to exercise though :(.

Speaking of, I think I want a new job.  I KNOW I KNOW I’ve been ranting how much I love it.. And I do.  I can’t handle the hours though.  I’m the first one up of a morning and last one home at night.  I get no time to exercise or do anything that I love doing and it’s putting a huge strain on Geard and I because we don’t get to spend time together.

Plus on the gold coast there was a VIP Party type kiosk thing on every corner and they all nagged you to come join and they’d take you clubbing etc and my whole family would like growl at them and I’m just there thinking hm that’s what I do to people.

I want to try for the Police Force again.  Being a salesperson has changed my attitude and my interpersonal skills so much and I’ve only been there a few months.  I feel prepared more now.  I need to go talk to some cops though to get it sussed properly.  And my fitness.

There’s an add for a Vodafone outbound sales consultant on Careerone.  I was thinking maybe I would go for that and try that for a while and get myself prepared for the force.  It really is something that i want to do.  I’ve never done anything interesting with my life and I’m ready to start now!

I feel like I’m letting people down by leaving Surefire Sales though.  I probably wont get another job I guess anyway so I wont have to worry!

I’d honestly just be stoked to work 8-5 9-6 9-5 days, and be able to have a two day weekend.  And not worry I’m going to work and wont get any sales and wont be paid.  I know my current job sounds horrible but I honestly do love it and I’ve learnt so much and it’s going to make it so much easier to get myself another job.  Every single job out there involves sales.

I’m trying not to stress about money but I kinda am.  I only have $1000 to my name.  Like, that’s all.  I have a $300 phone bill due in 5 days, I have no petrol in my car and it’s Geard’s bday tomorrow.  All my savings are gone 🙁  I underestimated how much I would spend on food in QLD.  Three weeks is a long time on holiday.

Because I don’t get a set income I can’t budget, so I’m stressing slightly.  I never know how much money I’m going to make in a day/week.  And as soon as you start stressing about money you find it hard to get sales because you’re too desperate.  Argh.  What I’d give for an income lol.

Okay, I haven’t unpacked yet and I’d like to get to the gym today so I think I may leave it here.  Congrats if you got this far!