Does it hurt to know i’ll never be there?

Hey guys

I was planning on changing my name again but it’s all too confusing and i hate it when my favs change their name because it takes me ages to know who it actually is again.  So there ya go.

Brendon’s no longer speaking with me.  Yes Bren who I always rant about.  You’ll never guess why.  Cause I had sex in his bed with Geard.  Yup that’s all.  I know some people are sensitive about their beds and all that shit and i do have respect for that with people I know that would have a problem with it.  Brendon was never ever EVER in that list of people.  But apparently he should’ve been.  He’s no longer talking to me or Geard.  I tried to talk to him about it but he wouldn’t have any of it.

I’m just mad about it now.  I can’t believe he’s being so childish.  It’s only an excuse.  Geard and I became official over the weekend (yay) and he freaked out over it.  He told me this himself.  He said he was scared he was losing me, and it gets worse when things like this happened.  He said he cared for me wayy more than he should, which I know he did.  I cared for him more than I should’ve as well.  It was just the friendship that we had.  It wasn’t a normal thing for everyone else, it caused a lot of jealousy with everyone around us, but to him and I, it was normal.  Anyways that night was the night he freaked out the whole sex in his bed thing. 

He makes me so angry and i’m upset after him always telling me I wasn’t going to lose him, he refuses to speak to me because of this.  It fucks things up because I can’t go and hang out at Julie’s place like I usually do every night because he’s there.  I just want him out of my life and gone from all aspects of it.  But sadly in Hobart that’s just not going to happen, especially because he lives with my best friend.

Other than the fact that all that has happened, things are going really well with me.  I fall for Geard more and more everyday and everyday he proves himself perfect for me.  I love everything about it.  I’m also constantly happy.  I have the motivation to exercise everyday and to eat good things.  I’m actually refusing to buy and fast or even hot food at the moment.  And i’m losing weight over it too!  I’m only 64 kgs, I wanna break the 50’s now.

Jacq (Desserae on OD) Is coming down to visit on Saturday to see if she likes it down here.  I’m so excited to actually meet her.  I really hope everything goes well and she does like it down here and us as well.  I’ve never done the whole "meet someone off the internet" thing before, and i hope she realises how quiet I can be lol.  Really looking forward to her getting here though.  I’m disappointed that Bren’s decided to chuck this hissy fit right now though cause it just messes things right up there with Jacq coming down.

So last night I discovered that The Rooftop and Curlys is having a playboy mansion party, Julie and I were like… OMG…. GOING!!  We’ve already picked out and ordered out playboy costumes… I can’t wait!

Anyways i’m going ot be late for work so this will be it from me!

xx