3/21/2012

I’m writing this on my phone at work in between calls.. So I don’t know how I’ll go

It’s over between Bren and I. For good. It wasn’t working. I don’t know why, we just don’t click when it’s just him and I. I guess it’s always been about the thrill for us, stealing each other away from our partners. I’m okay with it being over. I’m not okay with the fact that we can’t talk anymore. I know it’s for the best. I do. But I miss him, as my best friend not boyfriend. We talked on the phone the other night to finish things after a big fight about how much he had to pay me back for our Bali trip that he’s obviously not coming on anymore. We decided it wasn’t working, we needed to stop. I was bawling, he was crying, only the second time ever I’ve seen him that upset. We can’t talk anymore, we’ll only continue this cycle over and over again and continue to fuck up our futures over the thrill. I get that. Im just lonely without him there to talk to. No one knows me better than him. I asked him bawling on the phone “I’m going to ask you once, because I won’t forgive myself if I don’t… Please don’t do this..” “I’m sorry.. ” I said okay bye and hung up. I deleted him off Facebook and his number out of my phone, all my msgs from him all my photos off fb. I emailed him my bank details so he can transfer the money I paid for Bali. Mons taking his ticket to lady gaga. And that’s it, complete radio silence. I’m bummed but I do know it’s for the best. The only annoying thing is that we work in the same damn building. I saw him this morning I went to double take and turn back around but I thought screw it, held my head high and just kept walking. My hands were shaking when I got to my desk though. I wish he wasn’t here.

Although I miss talking to him during the day. I love having my freedom back. I knew I wasn’t ready to give up my singledom but I was trying to force it. Now I feel freeee. I went to the gym yesterday morning, last night and this morning and didn’t feel guilty once woo! May seem excessive to some but it’s my coping mechanism and my family is there and I feel better when I’m around them. Plus when I fall into bed I fall asleep instantly without having to think.

Work is treating us to gold class tonight to see 21 jump street, for making target last month. It’s at 9pm though which is annoying, no sleep tonight for me.. Well prob about 5.5 hours which doesn’t work with the amount of exercise I’ve been subjecting myself to.

I’m going to nz in Sunday woo 🙂 actually I’m staying in Sydney for the night on Sunday and then flying to nz first thing Monday morning(free for a couple of hours jacq?!) I can’t remember if I wrote it here but I won yearly sales achiever at work so there’s 21 of us heading over there, back Friday night. I haven’t thought about it much but it’s going to be pretty fun, the itinerary is jam packed for the week!!

Oh I totally forgot! I’m moving out of home yay! I’m moving in with Megan and mon from the gym 🙂 were looking at places at the moment I’m hell excited!

Okay I better actually go do some work. Sorry if the format is screwey.