My 9th. day of writing my toughts

Today I woke up around 3:25 am I had another nightmare. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I was tossing back and forth just thinking and thinking about how to forget my dream. My cat kept coming on top of me and that made me feel good. My husband was asleep in the other room with my new dog. It was so quiet so I thought he was still asleep so I just stayed in bed. Every time I have a nightmare I keep thinking about it and what I could have done about it. If I only knew… if I only knew. I talk to myself and ask many questions.. what if.. my life were different and I did not have all these emotional and physical problems i would be okay, with no PTSD no suicidal tendencies no anxiety no nothing I would be a normal citizen. That is what I think when I wake up from my nightmares and now Im a nobody a piece of shit that no one wants. I’m a loser. But I have a husband my dog and my cat. I have to live for them most of the time. Despite how I feel I have to think about myself and make the best of it. And understand that I’m not alone. Good nite