Million Reasons

dear spydr…

oh, what a morning. i wish you were here. i just want to go hide in the bedroom for the day…but there’s a lot to do yet, and i have some updates for you this morning. here we do go.

first, your celebrations. the Big Event in Palm Beach isn’t going to happen. with the CDC guidelines released for the prevention of the spread of Coronavirus being so strict, and the expectation of more than 200 people at your main event, the state is shutting the whole shebang down. i’m so sorry, my love. i know none of this is working out the way we wanted it to. i am disappointed, too, even though i couldn’t be there. we will all honor you as best we can. you know i will.

i spoke with wenda today, and ordered the poster for your karaoke celebration. as of right now, that’s still happening. i can’t do much, and i don’t have a lot of money to send decorations and flowers and tequila and grapefruit like my favorite scoundrel deserves, but i can make you a great poster. i can print your handsome, beloved face large enough for everyone to sign. i will do what i can. i always will, for you. the photo india chose is fabulous. i love it so much! it’s on my phone (why wenda texted it to me, i will never understand….but i have it.) so i won’t be including it here right now, (i’m on the laptop at the moment) but i’ll post it another time, for sure. tomorrow night should be a big one, with the memorial cancelled. i’m glad. i hope the bar makes a bunch of money. i hope you get to overhear a thousand wonderful things about you, and believe them. i hope our friends honor you. (i know they will.) i hope our families get through this without too much pain. and i hope, deeply, you knew how much i love(d) you.

…and that’s the haps with the celebrations.

got a call from my doctor’s office this morning. i won’t not tell you anymore, i promise. anyway, my efforts to raise my iron have failed miserably. so much so that it’s actually lower than it was the last time. oops. my fasting sugar was high, too. 110? weird. i don’t know why. and as for the rest…well. there were some terms on that results sheet i didn’t understand, with notes like “will discuss at upcoming OV.” i’m sure i’ll hear about it tomorrow, though, and you know i’ll update you then. the office called in RX strength iron, so i’ll add that to the daily xarelto (speaking of…) routine, and should be back to normal in a few weeks. i hope.

i have had nothing but trouble sleeping. i am planning to speak with my doc about that tomorrow, too. the melatonin isn’t helping. not that i am surprised, given the events of the last few weeks, and especially the last 10 days. i can’t believe it’s been ten days. it feels like an eternity.

my boredom is overwhelming. i think today i am going to play with bleach and hair dye. you know how i love to play with color. i think you’ll like the next big change. i’m going to mix my own red. you know what they say about us gingers. love. well, i won’t be a ginger for much longer. i’m going ronald mcdonald on this. heh.

i don’t really have anything else to say. mom is up. i guess i should make her some coffee. i don’t want her to start bitching this early – it isn’t even 1 yet.

i miss you, spydr, and i love you.

lolak

…sugarz

ETA: this might be my new fave. it’s being printed into a 16×20 poster, so everyone can sign it. i’ll have someone include my message. meanwhile…look at that handsome face. that smile…that smile is how i will always remember you. i wish i could touch your face once more. i can almost feel the way you’d press into my palm when i stroked your cheek…god, i miss you!! lolak, babe. so many.