infectious

dear spydr…

turns out, sadly, i was right. i called my doctor in the morning, the next day, and as we were speaking, i was inspecting the area i was almost sure was infected. you know me, i did what they do – i marked off the spot where the redness ended with a permanent marker. while i was trying to schedule an appointment, i noticed the redness had spread, not only up over the marker, but also down over the top of my foot, and almost to my toes. that’s new; never has happened before. so, off i went to the er.

dr murray, who is normally a cranky one (at least with mom) was the provider on call that night. he came in and asked for my hx with this particular disease. you know me, i loaded on the info. told him about the last three infections, and how i went home with the picc lines, and how the normal course of keflex and cipro just don’t work. when i mentioned that dr villanueva (infectious disease, which i told dr murray) he said “wait, you had an ID for this? WHY????” and i explained my long and contentious relationship with cellulitis. he sat back after poking at my foot and leg (ooooouuuuuccccchhhh) and sighed. “you know,” he said, “it’s really pretty great to speak with someone who knows their history right off the top of their head. so we’re going to test that now. ready? what did dr villanueva send you home with PO and when was the last time he did?” so i told him. everything. and he just sort of smized (i could only see his eyes. they smiled.) at me. “this is so great. come in any time.” hah! made a friend in the ER. likely a good thing. haaaaa.

anywhore. so he put me on the strongest PO antibiotics he could (given my history) and also a round of prednisone. uuuugh, but okay. he has seen me before, though, and knows how i feel about just throwing pills at things. if i can get by without narcotics, or extraneous antibiotics, or really, extraneous anything, you know me. i will. but he popped his head into the room, and explained that a round of prednisone might be better to alleviate the swelling and redness of the infection, according to several studies recently published in The Journal. because it wasn’t narcotic, i agreed, but lemme just say – i haven’t slept since.

my brother called me last night. well, technically this morning. apparently, he got himself arrested again. stupid. just absolutely stupid. he won’t leave well enough alone with the neighbors, and they keep dragging him to court. he SWEARS he “didn’t do anything wrong” and he “is right” but the fact is, they keep arresting him, and at his hearing this morning for an issue other than his latest arrest, the neighbors were granted a no contact order for one year.

i’m sorry, if you are SO RIGHT, then why is there a restraining order against you?? nice try.

anyway, he was totally fine when he called – upset about the arrest, crying, but fine, you know? and then he turned into a complete and utter asshole, as he tends to do when he has been drinking. suddenly, it was “i remember when mom brought you home, she would put you in your pigpen and we would play.” my what? “your pig pen.” do you mean playpen? “i guess that’s what most people call it, but i call it your pig pen.” then it was something about how mom supposedly financed my “high school life” in florida? he didn’t really make a whole lot of sense, since he really has no idea what life was like in wonderland. he ended up keeping me awake until damned near eight o’clock this morning, and kept calling and calling…i finally blocked him from that. then he kept texting me. he said “see you are the smartest person i know, and i need you on my side! you HATE me but i know you still love me!!” i didn’t answer. i don’t HATE him. i don’t particularly like him when he’s being a complete dick, but he’s my brother. i don’t HATE him. then he was like “oh, well, then i guess i just have to go to jail. now you’ll NEVER EVER GET A BREAK from taking care of mom, never EVER.” really? he hasn’t cared two shits about that since 8 months ago, given the fact that i haven’t had a reprieve since before that….so…? i wonder if he knows that threatening to take something away that isn’t there to begin with is ridiculous? empty. stupid. ugh. he really did let loose, and said a whole bunch of shit that just crossed every boundary and line i ever drew. fuck him. then he calls mom today, and wants to talk to me to apologize. no! fuck you!! i love you but i’m mad and i’m tired, and i am in NO MOOD to hear your insufficient, inept, and less than genuine apologies, they will just set me the fuck off right now. he didn’t like that. OH he told me that he had been SO EXCITED to have me move back because he would get his sister back, but then Florida sent him a “prissy bitch.” poor thing. he hates the fact that i managed to find my spine while i was away, and i am totally able to count on my lack of tolerance with his B U L L S H I T anymore to make the mouth move when i’d normally go hide. fuck him. i would never let a stranger talk to me the way he does, what makes him think i’m putting up with it from him? and he better mind his p’s and fucking q’s, or the neighbor isn’t the only one he’ll have a legal problem with.

he really hated it when i called him Bob. heh.

anywhore again. now that i have gotten the most exciting thing to happen in quarantine off my chest, and have peed twice, i have to pee again, and i NEED to get some sleep. the whole hour i got last night isn’t going to last much longer, though i admittedly wish it would. part of me doesn’t want to go to sleep, as i remember how prednisone works with my dreams….please don’t walk away this time. don’t get on that plane unless you’ve got my hand in yours, because even in dreams, watching you walk away is like hearing you’ve died all over again, night after night. i just need a little peace…so. please. just. either don’t go, or take me with you…

i love you spydr. i miss you. all i thought about the whole time in the ER was “i wish he was here.” i always do…but especially when it comes to medical BS.

i hope you’re resting peacefully in Our Father’s arms, my love. lolak, 4e

…your sugarz