lost

lately i’ve been wondering if i’ll ever be the same again.

i wish i could find the words to describe how this breakup has affected me…but i can’t. 

i hate him.

i hate when people ask me about him.  his name leaves a sour taste on my tongue and a bitterness that threatens to suffocate me.

he didn’t just break my heart…no.  if heartbreak was the only emotion i had to deal with, i might be getting somewhere.  i’m good with heartbreak.  i understand it.  i can overpower it.  if heartbreak was all that happened, i might be ok.  i might feel like me.

but i’m not ok and i don’t feel like me.

he took so much more from me than just my heart.  he took my trust, my innocence, my faith in people, love, life…and my hope.

i am ruined.  i am a shell.

i know i shouldn’t allow him to have this kind of power over me, but how do you take something back from someone who’s dead to you?  from someone you never really had to begin with? 

i am crumbling and i don’t know how to fix it.