i’m baaack!

and so i finally have a chance to write.

i’m at melissa’s house right now, watching baby ryan. he’s napping so i have a break. 🙂

i don’t even know where to start.

i guess i never wrote about what happened with tim. we went out that wednesday night…god, i guess it’s been 3 weeks ago now. basics of the evening: i finally realized that i’m not in love with tim anymore. at least, the 24-year old me is not in love with the 24-year old him. it’s the 18-year old in me that loves the 18-year old in him. and it will always be that way. tim was the first boy i ever loved more than i loved myself – perhaps the ONLY boy i’ve ever loved more than i love myself – and i’m so thankful that i had a chance to experience a feeling like that. the memories of how great we used to be make me smile, and that’s enough for me.

obviously, i drank way too much that night and ended up having to stay at his brother’s apartment.

aaanndd….his brother kissed me. in fact, we came thisclose to having sex. now, keep in mind here that i was extremely inebriated and had i been capable of logical thinking, it never would have happened. mark is a great guy, but all i could think when he was kissing me was, “i am kissing this man and i’m in love with his brother.” he asked for my number and i gave it to him (the next morning) but he hasn’t called. and that’s ok with me.

so tim leaves for iraq in….a little more than a week. i just hope he knows that he will be in my thoughts and prayers every day. i hope he knows that a piece of me will always love a piece of him. i hope he will be ok.

on to different and somewhat more exciting news….

ryan. the 21-year old who goes to gettysburg. turns out he DOES like me. apparently, he got the vibe that i didn’t like HIM that night we hung out. which is precisely what i thought happened.

we met up for a drink when he came home for spring break and talked a bit about it. he doesn’t want a long distance relatonship…and quite frankly, neither do i. so we’ve decided to take things one day at a time and see what happens. all i can really say is that i really, really like him and i hope that when he graduates and comes home, things will work out. we talk every day, and he’s home this weekend for easter.

oh, one thing i forgot to mention: we definitely had sex when he was home for spring break. yeah. i don’t know what else to say about that except that he is an AMAZING kisser and had i not been completely wasted during the act, it probably would have been pretty damn good.

has it occurred to anyone else that i should probably stop drinking when i hang out with boys?!

we’re hanging out at my house tonight, probably just to watch a movie. and by watch a movie, i of course mean making out. 😉

and on that note, the baby has woken up and is in desperate need of a diaper change. i promise to keep my updates closer together from now on. 🙂