Excerpt from a Letter I Will Never Send, Part 2

You didn’t even give things a chance to turn around.  You just gave up.  Why?  Why can’t you tell me?  How am I supposed to move on with my life without knowing why you couldn’t love me, why you were too weak to choose me?

I hate you today and I feel justified in that.  How dare you do this to me.  How dare you destroy my life and any chance I had of becoming a mother.  How dare you string me along for the last 8 YEARS.  You stole my life and I willingly allowed it to happen.  How could I be such a fool?  How could I have thought so little of myself that I didn’t realize I deserved better than anything you ever gave me?

You’re welcome, by the way.  You’re welcome for all of the sacrifices I made out of love for you over the past 8 years.  You’re welcome for my lack of hostility towards you over this bullshit divorce and your bullshit excuses.  You’re welcome for my allowing you to keep our house and all our stuff.  You’re welcome for my decline of your money I was legally entitled to.  So while you get to keep your name and our house and our stuff, I have to start over from scratch.  I have to worry about never being able to afford to live on my own because NJ taxes are outrageous.  I have to worry about spending my life alone, about never being a mom, about how I will spend my holidays and birthdays once my tiny family is gone.

You have destroyed me and I have allowed it.  And I don’t know how to crawl out of this hole.   I fucking hate you for this.  I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.  I hope you’re proud of how pathetic you are.  I hope you’re proud of your weakness.  I hope that you spend the rest of your life alone and have to live with the regret of tossing me aside like yesterday’s trash.  I hope you wake up every morning and miss me so much it hurts.