dear pat,

so i know that you probably just opened this and went, "holy shit…what else could she possibly have to say?!" actually, i think you might be pleasantly surprised to read what comes next.

first and foremost, i want to say that i’m sorry. for everything. from 2004 when we first met all the way up until now. i’m sorry for every fight and every time i nagged you and i’m sorry for confusing you these past two months. it’s important that you know that.

secondly, i want to tell you that i spent a lot of time at work today thinking about things, and i’ve come to some conclusions that i thought you might be interested in hearing. so, here goes.

i know i said i was trying to win you back, and in some small part of my mind, i may have believed it. but truthfully, i don’t think that we should get back together. in fact, i know that we are all wrong for each other – romantically, that is. just because i’m attracted to you doesn’t mean that we are compatible with one another.

i’m sorry that i freaked out last night. it’s true that i don’t want you back as my boyfriend, but i guess i was just being selfish and i didn’t want anyone else to have you either. it hurt me to realize that you, who once loved me so much, now care for someone else. that would hurt anyone – even you, i assume. it’s not that i didn’t want you to be happy…it’s that i didn’t want you to be happy with HER.

that being said, i realize that that was wrong of me, and i’m sorry. i DO want you to be happy – with whoever happens to fill the void that i left. and i know that someday i’ll find someone to fill the void in my heart that once held you. and what i’ve realized is that i want you to be a part of it. i want you to be a part of everything. i don’t know if i’m still in love with you, but i do know that i can’t imagine living a life that you aren’t a part of. you are one of the only people in my life who knows me COMPLETELY – and still cares about me. you’ve seen me at my best and at my worst and every possible way in between. even though we aren’t together, there’s still so much love between us – i can feel it when we talk and when i see you – and i’m glad for that. i’m glad that this hasn’t destroyed us.

the truth is that you already are one of my best friends. you have been for 3 years, and i don’t want that to change. we’ve been through so much – my grandfather, your DWI and your dad – and that means a lot to me. we’ve shared so many good times, and hard times, and i don’t want to let that go. i want to be able to call you and tell you when good things happen — or when bad things happen. and i want you to be able to do the same. i want us to be able to hang out and have fun and talk without there being that underlying tension that was there for so long. i NEED you in my life, and i hope you feel the same.

so. that’s about all i’ve got to say for now. i hope you’ll read this whole thing and feel good about it. i will ALWAYS 58 (in a friendly way, of course). 🙂

love,
amy