2/12/09

suddenly i feel like writing here again.  maybe it’s just because i have so much going on in my brain right now that i don’t know where to put it all.  here seems as good as anywhere, so here we go.

i really am shocked at how quickly i’ve gotten over the whole scott debacle.  my newly developed trust issues notwithstanding, i am really ok.  i feel stupid and gullible and naive and foolish…but i don’t miss him.  i don’t cry about it.  i don’t wish things were different.  i just wish i knew what his thought process was…and you know why?   because i think it would make a really phenomenal case study for my fucking experimental psychology class.  HAHAHA!  and no, i’m not joking about that.  if i could use him as my project, i so would.

anyway, my life has returned to the level of boringness (is that even a word?) it was at before i met scott.  the good thing is that i have my friends back…who i missed dreadfully.  scott was so good at being manipulative that i didn’t even realize it until recently.  he hated all of them and so i kind of stopped hanging out with him because i felt compelled to be with him all the time.  why?  because deep down, i knew i didn’t trust him.  why didn’t i listen to my gut?  it has never been wrong before, so why did i think it was wrong this time?

guess who’s back from iraq and back in my life?  that’s right, folks: TIM.  he always seems to pop up just when i need him to.  last year at this time, i was trying to get over pat.  now, i’m trying to get past the trust issues that scott has left me with.  does it seem strange to everyone else that despite the passage of time between meetings, tim always seems to find a way back into my life? 

he has to go back  to iraq until june, but we are going out next week before he leaves again.  i love seeing him.  it reminds me of how good it felt to be 18 and carefree and head over heels in love with him.  i like that innocent feeling and it’s just what i need right now. 

i just ran out of energy to write.  i think i’m going to take a nice, hot bath and hit the sack.