1/16/08

turns out my e-mail to pat didn’t turn out quite the way i had intended it to.

i don’t know why or how, but after reading it, he decided that he doesn’t want to talk "for a while."

what the fuck?

the problem is that he doesn’t know WHAT he wants.  one day he misses me, the next he wants her.  i guess i understand why he wants to stop talking to me.  he thinks that by not talking to me, it means he’s chosen her and that his life will just miraculously get easier.  what he doesn’t know is that he’s in for a lot more grief than he thinks.  because even when you’re not talking to someone, they’re always there…especially if they were wrapped around every aspect of your life for 3 years.

i guess i’m ok with it.  hurt, but ok.  i need to start figuring out how to live my life without him, because i know that eventually, he will forget me and will no longer feel the need to have me in his life.  i would love for us to be friends, but i don’t know if he’s capable of that.

anyway, i met another cute boy.  this one’s name is ryan…but here’s the kicker:  he’s only 21.  i feel so OLD when i think about it.  he’s a senior at gettysburg college…which is a great school, so at least i know he’s got a brain in his head.  what’s funny is that i’m not stupid…but i couldn’t get into gettysburg.  hah!

actually, he’s one of the nicest guys i’ve ever met.  and he carries on a conversation easily, which is something that nate isn’t so great at.  talking to nate is hard work, because he’s so quiet and doesn’t really give a lot back in a conversation.  i like him, but i have a feeling that having a relationship with him would be like it was with pat:  kind of like pulling teeth.

so, who knows.   what will be will be and i’m just trying to get through my days without thinking about pat every damn second. 

on a side note, i’m getting $15,000 for my car…which is almost exactly what i paid for it!  WOOPIE!  finally, some good news to brighten my lackluster life. 🙂