1/14/08
i slept with pat again. on saturday night. i am such a mess over this.
we talked last night, and he basically told me that we can’t do this anymore because he really likes her.
i don’t know what i thought was going to come of this. maybe i thought he was going to realize he missed me and come running back. but what would i have done if he had? i don’t really want us to be back together. i just don’t want him to be with someone else. i never thought i could be this selfish.
all that keeps running through my head is, "he chose her over me." i feel used. i feel like he took advantage of the fact that i still love him. what’s strange is that i know pat would never do anything like that — to anyone. he may be an ass sometimes, but he wouldn’t do that. which leads me to believe that even he doesn’t know what he wants at this point.
why do i feel so sad about this? i know that pat and i aren’t meant to be together forever. so why can’t i just let him go and be happy for him? WHY?! i’m driving myself crazy over this and i don’t know what to do.
how is it that you can love someone so much even when they clearly don’t love you back? and why am i SO good at accomplishing that?!
honey maybe he does want you…but maybe it’s easier to be with her because he knows you so well, that he knows it’s not what you REALLY want. you loved him enough to walk away. now it’s his way of proving to you that he respects that and that he loves YOU enough to walk away. just a guess. in any case, i know it’s hard. just try not to let it get you down! you’re beautiful! your time will come =)
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ooooh hun. I don’t know what to say. There’s so many reasons that he might like her and NONE of them, not a single one mean that you are less than she is. You are damn fantastic. You are unique. Anyone who chooses not to have you is not the right person for you, don’t waste your time trying to make it right no matter how much you want it.
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