Today is my birthday!

I’m going to take a break from The Girl With The Flower Tattoo and reflect on 41 years…..

Wow!  41 years!  Seems like a long time, but at the same time, it doesn’t feel like a long time.  Most of the time I still feel 18…..and act it, too! LOL.

In 41 years I have learned so much, made many mistakes, and learned some hard lessons. 

I learned at a very young age what it’s like to lose a sibling.  I also learned at that same age that not all adults can be trusted, and that some have sick, perverted intentions when it comes to the 8-year-old little girl who lives down the street.  I learned what confusion really meant, and how to keep a secret.

I had my first crush, and my first broken heart, in high school.  I experienced real love at 18 with a man named Ralph, and had my heart completely destroyed by him.  Because of him, I learned to never trust anyone, except God, 100%, and became more cynical. 

I learned that even someone who claims to be your friend will stab you in the back if given the chance.  I learned that even people who love you will occasionally let you down. 

I became a mother, and learned what true, unconditional love really is.  I learned that being a mother is the hardest, most thankless job there is.  I learned that even your child will break your heart.  I learned how it truly felt to know that there was someone on this earth that you would gladly die for.

I learned that almost everyone deserves a second chance.  I learned that forgiveness is key, but that doesn’t mean we forget. 

I learned how to set boundaries with people, especially my father, and in turn, he learned to respect me as an adult and the mother of his grandson. 

I learned that the easy thing is very rarely the right thing.

I learned that no matter how much we love someone, and how much we try to help them, people won’t overcome their addictions until they are ready to do so and finally reach out for help.  I also learned that when they do finally reach out for help, the most loving thing we can do for them is to guide them to get professional help, but be there for them with kind words and compassion when they need it.

I learned that nothing in this world makes me happier than hearing (or seeing) my son say "I love you Mama" or "I miss you Mama"

I learned that no matter how tall or how old my son gets, he will always and forever be my baby.

I learned that there is no such thing as the perfect mother….but that we all do the best we can with what we have.

I learned it really does take a village to raise a child!  All the love and support and help from my family and Jason’s family (the man my son has always called Dad), is the reason J turned out to be such an amazing young man.

I learned that I wasn’t always a very good friend, a good sister, a good daughter, and even a good mother. 

I learned that making amends is good for the soul.

I learned that I would rather have a few TRUE friends than a lot of fair-weather friends, and I learned to treasure what each of my true friends have brought to my life.

I learned that sometimes, you just need to eat the cupcake and say to hell with it! 🙂

I learned to love myself.  It’s still a struggle sometimes, but for the most part, I think I’m a pretty a-okay person! 🙂

I’m still learning how to let go of the past…..it’s a work in progress.

I learned that marriage really does take work, but when it’s the right person, it is 100% worth it!

I learned that you really do have to give 100% to make a marriage work, and that we can’t always blame everything on our spouse.

I learned that when you treat your spouse with love and respect, and let him/her know that they come first, they will respond in kind. 

I’ve learned that I don’t deal with death very well, and probably never will.

I’ve learned that there certain people in my life who I cannot imagine life without…..and I really don’t know what I’ll do when they’re no longer here.

I learned that without God in my life, my life feels empty.

I’ve learned that girlfriends are absolutely vital to my wellbeing!

I’ve learned that eating and spending money may make you happy while you’re doing it, but don’t fix anything, and in the end you’re either overweight, broke, or both!  And yes, I’m still working on these two issues as well, but I must say I think I’ve got a pretty good handle on them.

I’ve learned there’s nothing wrong, or weak, about needing professinal help to deal with certain issues.

I’ve learned that without trust, you have nothing.  And gaining back someone’s trust is sometimes impossible.  Some people don’t give second chances.

However….I also learned that breaking someone’s confidence when they are doing something to hurt themselves is something I can live with.  I’d rather be hated by someone who was still alive than mourning the person whose secret I kept.

I’ve learned that I still have so much to learn, but that I’ve made a pretty good start in 41 years! 🙂