This, that, and other ramblings

Well, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it?  First something weird happened with my laptop and OD wouldn’t let me write an entry.  Then I got rid of the laptop and got an iPad, which I love.  But while I was able to write an entry with the iPad, trying to write an entry without a keyboard would have taken days.  So I finally got a keyboard to use with the iPad and ta-da!!  Here I am!
 
So where should I start?  Well, I got the job with AAA.  I work for their in-house legal counsel.  The job is…..wow.  Stressful doesn’t even begin to describe it.  So many different programs to learn, one attorney who does nothing for herself (I’m surprised wiping her ass wasn’t in the job description) and she has a massive workload, and another attorney who, while she does a lot of her own typing, there is still a lot of stuff I have to do on her files.  Thankfully, since she’s a baby attorney (my term for newer attorney), her case load isn’t as huge as the other one’s.  I’ve been there almost six months and still sometimes feel like I don’t know shit.  But one of the attorneys who’s been there forever and a day, a super nice older gentleman, told me that this job takes at least six months to a year before you even begin to feel confident and comfortable in it.  So I’m hanging in there.  And I pray every day on the way to work!  LOL!  No, seriously, I do.
 
Speaking of prayer…I got baptized the weekend before Easter!! *huge proud smile*  I finally got tired of it all….tired of running from God, tired of feeling dead inside, tired of being afraid.  I finally gave it all up, told God I was ready to surrender it all to him and submit to him completely, and it’s the BEST decision I’ve ever made in my life!  Don’t get me wrong….I still screw up every day.  I’m not perfect and never will be.  But my heart has been healed, I feel truly alive, and I am filled with a kind of love I never in a million years thought I’d feel.  And the baptism was extra special because my friends Jen and Erik came from Chicago for it, my friend Mary and her husband came, my friend Janice came, and most importantly, my husband was there!  It was an amazing night….one that I will never forget!
 
So let’s go back a little over a year.  My sister had just been taken to the hospital because she had tried to commit suicide, then was admitted to a psych hospital.  Turns out she’d been using and drinking again…for quite a while.  I was worried, scared…..and pissed.  Worried and scared that this time she was going to succeed (it wasn’t her first suicide attempt), then after I knew she was going to be okay, I was furious!  She’d been lying to everyone for months….for well over a year.  But I was also mad at myself.  She’d never gone to AA, never admitted she was an addict….we just all took her word that she wasn’t using or drinking.  We were fools, and we should have known better.  Addicts don’t get clean without help….it just doesn’t happen.  She hid it very well, I will say that.  But addicts are amazing liars and manipulators…..and they always get found out eventually.  
 
So anyway, she’s in the psych hospital for a while.  Mom cleaned her apartment out while she was in the hospital….getting rid of all the booze and drugs.  Apparently she missed a few, because as soon as Stacey got home she found a hidden bottle of pills and took some.  But after that, something happened.  I can’t describe it like she can, but what happened is that as soon as she took those pills it hit her….she had a serious problem, and was seriously fucked up.  She flushed the pills and the next day she went to an AA meeting.  She got a sponsor, she started working the steps, she finally admitted she was an alcoholic and that she needed help.  Her first sober day was July 22, 2012.  
 
I just got back from Arizona yesterday.  I flew in on Friday, July 19.  Mom picked me up from the airport, but my sister had no idea I was coming.  She got to mom’s the next day and when she got there I was hiding in the office, which is off the garage.  My gift for her was sitting on the dining room table….I got her a Pandora bracelet.  Those things are freaking expensive!  Anyway, Mom said it had come in the mail.  Stacey opened it and I could hear her going crazy over it.  Then she called me to thank me…lol.  I pretended I was out shopping with my friend Jen (Stacey thought I was in Chicago) and that I was in a dressing room…that’s why I was whispering.  When we hung up I snuck in the kitchen door and she was standing by the patio doors with mom and they were looking at the bracelet (she already had it on).  Luckily Stacey’s back was to me and I was able to get right behind her.  Mom was asking her what the one charm stood for and I said “It stands for journey.”  Stacey turned around, screamed, and jumped on me…lol!!  There was lots of hugging and a few tears.  Surprising her was awesome!!  She loved the bracelet, and the charms I put on it were ones that had special meaning.  I got the one that stands for journey…it looks like hills and valleys; one that had little red butterflies on it, which stands for change and freedom; one that says “sweet sister” on it; and a flip flop…lol.  The flip flopis meaningful because it stands for our nicknames for each other.  She’s flip, I’m flop.  We’re a pair J  My mom also added a cross charm. 
 
Anyway, mom and I got to be there at the AA meeting on Monday, July 22, 2013, when she got her one year clean and sober coin.  I can’t even begin to tell you what it was like…the pride I felt…it was very emotional.  I cried like a baby…it was so amazing!  She did it!!  She fought the demon and she won!  She’s got a wonderful sponsor, amazing AA friends, a family who loves her and couldn’t be more proud, and most of all, God.  She’ll tell anyone, she couldn’t have done it without AA and God.  She’s amazing.
 
In other news, I’ve lost 53 pounds!  I’m off of cholesterol, triglyceride and blood pressure medicine and I take less than half the insulin I used to take.  I’m healthier, I feel a million time better, and I look damn good in clothes now! LOL!  I have to say, God was instrumental in my weight loss as well. One night during my prayers I finally admitted that I knew I needed to get healthier, but that I couldn’t do it alone.  Ever since then….well, it’s just been easier.  I eat better, I exercise (I have a workout buddy in my friend Janice, we go to Planet Fitness together), and my whole attitude about it all is just….GOOD!  I want to be healthy…I want to live!  I have so much to live for, and I want to be here for every bit of it!
 
So all in all, so far it’s been a great year.  I have my health, my friends and family, a good job (even if it does drive me crazy sometimes!) and God…what more could I ask for?
 
I hope you all are doing well…..mucho amore!  xoxo