Hope

Thanks to two notes left on my last entry from two of the sweetest people I have yet to meet (but I will one day, I promise!), I’m feeling more hopeful…about my diagnosis, my faith, and my life in general. I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and was a little weepy during the session, so she said it was time to up one of the new meds I’m on. They started me out on a low, low dose while I was in the hospital and told me it would eventually have to be increased, so I wasn’t surprised when Melissa (my shrinky-dinky) said it was time.

I have a meeting with my pastor the Monday after Thanksgiving. I had facebooked him (he likes getting messages that way because if everyone bombarded him with their issues while at church, the man would have to live there!) and told him the struggles I was having regarding my illness and feeling like I failed God. He sent me a message back saying Amy, let’s talk in person. So I contacted his assistant and she got me an appointment for Monday. I’m very grateful for that. My pastor is a wonderful, caring man, and the fact that he’s making time to talk to me personally really means a lot to me.

So hubby and I are leaving this afternoon for Chicago to spend Thanksgiving with our friends Erik and Jen. We’re also going to have a couple of special guests. My BFF’s younger sister Corri and her boyfriend Tanner will be joining me, hubby, Erik and Jen for dinner, and I am so looking forward to it! Corri is pregnant and due on December 17…and it’s a little girl! I’m so, so excited for her and Tanner! I’ve known Corri since she was a baby, so she’s like a little sister to me as well, and since my own sister can’t have kids, I’ll get to be an honorary aunt to Corri and Tanner’s baby girl 🙂 I’ve gone crazy buying things for Corri and baby, and I’ve loved every minute of it! LOL! My oldest daughter, Caity, is also going to come over after we have dinner and bring our grandbabies…YAY!!!! I know we’ll get to see them more during the weekend, but I can’t WAIT to get my hands on them! And I think Corri and Tanner will get a kick out of Bella and Sophie…and get a glimpse of what lies ahead when you have a little girl.

Bella and Sophie are hilarious…and drama queens big time…lol. Bella is dramatic in the sense that “Oh my God, my life is over” whenever things don’t go her way. Sophie is dramatic but in a hilarious kind of way…she is total comic relief. I wish I could post recent pics of them, but I had to disable a bunch of stuff on my Diary Manager just in order to be able to post an entry. I don’t know why…I don’t know what happened to my diary. And it’s not my computer, because I tried it on my husband’s as well and it was the same issue. Almost makes me wish I would’ve kept the iPad, but I really didn’t care for it so I sold it and got another laptop. You can just do more on a laptop, ya know? iPad’s aren’t good for much, in my opinion.

Right now I’m sitting here writing this entry (obviously) and I’ve got my headphones on listening to my Christian music. It’s very relaxing. I think I’ll definitely be writing in here more, because it’s good for me. I can talk about what’s bothering me, or just ramble on about unimportant things…whatever I want. I don’t feel pressured to write about certain things or bare my soul (unless I want to)…I can just come here and type away to my little heart’s content about whatever I want.

Oh, my psychiatrist gave me an assignment to complete by the time I see her on Tuesday. I have to write a letter (but NOT send it) to my mom (because I have some anger issues with her that I’ve kept stuffed down because if I try and talk to her about them, she gets all defensive), and I have to write a letter to myself, forgiving myself for not being perfect and feeling like a failure. That one’s going to be tough, because that’s one of the big things I’m struggling with, but I’ll give it a shot. The letter to my mom, though….piece of cake…lol. I’ll get to scream and cry (in writing) and chew her out, and she won’t be able to say anything about it because she’ll never know about it. I think it’ll be cathartic.

I woke up this morning a little before 4 a.m. to tinkle. I didn’t feel tired anymore, but I tried to lay back down again and get a couple more hours sleep, but couldn’t fall back asleep to save my life. So I finally got up for good around 5 a.m. and did my Bible study for the day, checked the amount in our bank account (and really wanted to cry after seeing that!), then came here to read my notes and some of my favorite’s entries. Then I thought, what the heck…let’s do an entry as well! TA-DA….and here I am!

But I think I’ll sign off now. Hubby will be getting up soon for work, and as soon as he leaves I’m going to clean up the kitchen and start packing for the weekend. I was going to clean the kitchen before getting online but I was afraid I’d wake him up so I decided it could wait.

I hope you all have a wonderful, blessed, peaceful Thanksgiving!!! xoxo