Happy birthday, baby sister!

I have a baby sister, and anyone who has read my past entries about The Girl with the Flower Tattoo knows they’re about her….and from those entries, you’d know that Stacey and I have never been very close….and that she’s had a lot of serious issues.  I also mentioned in my one entry in November that I was going to be going to AZ on Thanksgiving and spending two weeks….seeing my mom, step-dad and sister.  I was excited, but a bit apprehensive about seeing my sis.  I hadn’t seen her in almost a year.  We had talked on the phone, and she sounded really good, and my mom swore she (sis) was doing wonderful, but I was still a little leery. 

Let me tell you about those two weeks….

The flight was long.  I had a window seat and luckily there was no one in between me and the guy on the aisle.  Aisle Guy and I started talking almost immediately and I talked the poor fella’s ears off all the way to Phoenix….lol.  He was awesome!  Once we got off the plane he and I walked together towards baggage and, of course, I was still talking his ears off.  As we neared the security area (for people walking to the terminals to get on a flight) I saw my sis….she was waiting for me while mom and Aunt Pam were waiting in the car outside of the baggage area.  She hugged me so, so tight….almost fracturing my neck…..and when we finally pulled apart I noticed tears streaming down her cheeks.  I introduced her to Aisle Guy, and the three of us walked down to baggage, where I sadly had to say goodbye to Aisle Guy cuz it was imperative I find a bathroom before I left a puddle where I was standing.  After using the potty we went to the baggage carousel and the whole time Stace and I stood there she held my hand and would only let go long enough to hug me…..several times!  Suitcase finally came and we headed out to the car. 

My mom and Aunt Pam jumped out screaming….partly out of excitement to see me, partly cuz they were thrilled with how I looked (I was down almost 30 pounds by then….I’m now down 34…yay!).  Once we got my luggage loaded we all piled in Aunt Pam’s minivan and headed to Tucson.  Stacey held my hand the entire time.  She kept telling me how wonderful I looked, and how much she had missed me.  I had to fight back tears many times.  We stopped at a Cracker Barrel for some dinner and after we ate we were looking around in the store area of the restaurant and Stacey found the cutest, funniest looking pair of elf slippers.  She went nuts for them!  So of course I had to buy them for her.  I didn’t think she was EVER going to stop thanking me…lol!  They looked so cute on her.  Then we finished the drive to Tucson and checked into our hotel.  Because I was wired, I didn’t sleep for shit that night.  Mom and Pam were sleeping in the big bed in the bedroom, and Stace and I were sharing the pullout bed in the living room area.  Everyone told Stace to sleep in the big bed with Mom and Pam cuz I sometimes snore pretty loud, but she refused….she wanted to sleep with her sister and she didn’t care if I snored!  Like I said, I didn’t sleep, but Stace did….and that girl can snore too…lol!  But sometime during the night she got chilly and ended up all hugged up to my back.  It was uncomfortable, but also nice…..and I wasn’t about to roll over and make her move. 

The next morning we got up (well, I was already up, the other three got up) while it was still dark, got ready and went and had a quick breakfast at the hotel.  No one was really hungry, but diabetic Amy has to take a shot and pills, so food is necessary.  Afterwards we met up with my mom’s sister-in-law (step-dad’s sister) and some of her friends, and we shopped, shopped, and shopped some more!  Around noon we all went and had lunch at a country club mom’s sis-in-law belonged to and relaxed, had some good food and talked.  After lunch we dropped mom’s SIL off at home, then mom, Aunt Pam, Stace and I continued our shopping expedition.  At one point Stace and I seperated from Mom and Pam and had some quality shopping time to ourselves. 

During this time, since we were alone, I said something to my sister I’d been wanting to say for quite some time……I apologized to her.  I told her I was sorry for not always being a good sister to her, and for using her issues and problems to paint myself in a better light to our family.  I told her that at the time I wasn’t doing it consciously…..that it was something that had occurred to me just recently, and I was so, so sorry.  Yes, my sister did and said some horrible things to me in the past, and for a time I felt my mom didn’t even care if I was alive because she was so obsessed with my sister……and I let my anger towards my sister over these things eat at me, like a cancer…..and turn me bitter and hateful.  Yes, I did things for Stacey when she was struggling…..but was I doing them to help her, or so everyone would look at me and say "Oh look at Amy, she’s such a good sister for helping out Stacey the way she does, after everything Stacey has done to her."  I know, it’s pathetic, and I am embarassed and ashamed to admit that I was like that…..but admitting it also frees me, and I believe helped me and Stacey take steps forward.  Anyway, after I apologized to Stacey, she started crying and told me I had nothing to apologize for, but that she did….but I know I did, and I promised her that from now on, I would ALWAYS be the sister she needed and deserved, and that I loved her more than anything.  It was very healing….for both of us.

The rest of the two weeks was…..in a word, Amazing.  We spent as much time together as we could, Stacey and I.  Even though she had her own place, she spent every night at our mom and Tom’s (step-dad) house and we slept in the same bed….just like when we were little girls.  We talked and talked and talked some more, we laughed non-stop, and the bond between us grew and grew with every passing hour. 

She took me to the airport the day I left….and it was really hard to say goodbye to her.  I had to fight back tears, yet again, and I was sad for several days after I got home.  I miss her still…..and I can’t wait until I get to see her again.  I feel like I got a piece of my heart back….the part that was missing because of our broken relationship.  But I got it back….I got my sister back….and I know that no matter what happens in the future, the bond between us will only get stronger as each day passes.

I have a sister…..and today is her birthday.  Happy Birthday, baby sister….I love you with all my heart, always and forever!