Depression sucks

Depression and its little friend anxiety need to find a new hobby. Life hasn’t been ideal lately, but it really hasn’t been too bad. I’m finding it hard to get myself out of bed on the daily, though. It takes all my willpower just to get up and moving, and things around the house are falling way behind. It’s embarrassing. It doesn’t help that I’m not getting a whole lot of help in the house cleaning department, and most of my friends are too busy to do much of anything. I’ve reached out to two close friends, and it’s been several days and no response from either of them. My very best friend is going through a whole lot right now with her family, and she’s practically unreachable these days. She’s there whenever she can be, and I appreciate her more than I think she knows, but the fact that she’s not around to hang with makes life a little harder. Life at home has been a bit stressful with a sick kiddo the last several days as well.

On a positive note, I’m getting together with an old friend next weekend. We are each driving two hours to spend a few hours together and catch up. That will be absolutely lovely! And early in November I’m driving to Chicago to see another old friend (it’s been close to 11 years since we last saw one another) and go to a concert with her. I’m clinging to these days ahead.

Unfortunately my motivation and energy level are just barely getting me by. I feel like I’ve been a pretty fail mommy lately because I’m struggling to even cook a meal at home. We’ve eaten out this past week way more than we have in a long time. I’m not taking care of basic things around the house. I finally got up the motivation to wash 5 loads of laundry today, but that’s after an entire week of not doing any. Dishes need done as well. The whole house is a wreck. It needs a good pick up and sweep. It’s frustrating because 95% of the things that need picked up aren’t mine, and I’m getting tired of being everyone’s maid. We have so many things going on, and so little is getting taken care of. I’m tired of living in the chaos of the mess (mostly all clutter). It’s adding to my stress, which is making me less and less motivated to do anything.

Adulting is hard.