Pissed and Confused

Hey boy I would’ve thought that,
When you left me I’d be broken
And my confidence gone, so gone.

Hey boy I would’ve thought that,
When you said that you don’t want me,
I’d feel ugly as if something was wrong.

Standing in front of the mirror,
My skin’s never been clearer,
My smile’s never been whiter.

I look so good without you,
Got me a new hairdo,
Lookin’ fresh and brand new,
Since you said that we’re through.
Done with your lies,
Baby now my tears dried,
You can see my brown eyes,
Ever since you said goodbye.
I look so good,
I look so good without you.
I look so good,
I look so good without you.

Hey I never would’ve thought that,
When you left me i’d feel sexy,
And so good in my skin again.
And I never would’ve know that
I’d be dreamin so much better
Without you in my head.

Standing in front of the mirror,
My clothes never fit better,
My life never been louder.

I look so good without you,
Got me a new hairdo,
Lookin’ fresh and brand new,
Since you said that we’re through.
Done with your lies,
Baby now my tears dried,
You can see my brown eyes,
Ever since you said goodbye
I look so good,
I look so good without you.
I look so good ,
I look so good without you.

I’ve cut out a few verses but you get the point.

So I just remembered a few days ago that next month Michael and Paola will have been together for a year. I remember what it felt like to be with someone for a year. Oh yeah, it was him. ha. ha. ha. (This is still weird for me.)

Strangely enough I find myself saying rude things about him. Like whenever I’m given an opportunity to make him look bad, I take it. Why do I still hate him?

On another note. There’s another guy. His name is Alex. Well, kind of. Anyway, I’ve admired his existence for a while now and didn’t know he felt the same. Only thing is, I was only liking his physique. Like I just wanted to play with him. But he wants me. All of me. In a relationship. Me. In another relationship. I can’t do it. I won’t. But I don’t know why.

Better yet, I don’t understand why.

And before you start telling me "Oh Aly, you’re  not over Michael. I’m sorry but you’re just not," wait a second. I don’t like him. I’m not still in love with Michael Lloyd Joseph Samuels. I’m not. This much I know about myself thank you very much so choose another way to analyze this problem I’ve got. (Please don’t take that rudely, I just know how I feel on that part of all things. I know I’m not still on him. In more ways than one 😉 hahaha)
 

I’m gonna write out a text I sent to my friend Doll.

Aly: …there’s this guy that i’ve been wanting for a long time. now he wants me and im not sure i want a relationship like hes asking for. actually…i know i dont. but i’ve led him on too much and idk how to tell him that w/o hurting him.

Doll: Aww 🙁 Why don’t you want a relationship?

Aly:  ya know…im just not feeling it like before. i get claustrophobic when someone mentions it. its just so…tied. like, idk, having someone there constantly wrapped in your thoughts or wanting to be around or talking with you all the time or getting to know everything about you. i just dont find it so comforting anymore. its bothersome.

End of text message. hehe

So what do you guys think? She hasn’t texted me back.