I always wanted to be an only child…

I never thought I would ever feel this alone.

I’m used to the other three siblings running about around me. I’m used to seeing at least one person in every room of the house. I’m used to not being an only child. Without the other three, I’m sorry to say this, but I feel so incredibly alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got two loving parents, but they’re parents. I need teens. I need the ones that helped me through the craziest days of my life.

I feel like I sound childish and petty, but I miss them. I know Boney (family nickname) is off in her own little world. How the hell could she not be by now? For crying out loud the girl is almost 21, who am I to hold her back from her life? I guess it’s natural to miss her…after all she is my blood relative. 

I say blood relative like its the only important thing, I’ve got two other siblings for crying out loud. Well sort of. The guy, Encyclopedia (family nickname), is living with his birth mother now. He and I were amazingly close at one point in our lives. It was the coolest relationship ever. He got along well with my friends, you know, minus the fact that he dated most of my really close girlfriends. But hey, I dated his best friend for a little over a year (that was the biggest mistake of my life, but more on that in another entry). He and I, we rocked.

The other, Mantha (family nickname), she still lives with me. She’s 19 now though with a boyfriend. To be honest, yeah I guess I like the guy. It’s just a syndrome I have. I don’t trust any guys anymore. With anything. Especially not with my girls. And sometimes, to be entirely honest, I hate his Venezuelan guts. But I could go on about the many traits he has that I don’t like and then I could make lists of the many things that I do like. The only important thing is that Mantha is happy. Or at least she believes she is.

I’m happy for her, I am. My rudeness and douche-baggery have absolutely nothing to do with my bitterness at the simple fact that the guy I’m crazy over doesn’t want me. I swear.

Back to the point. I’m 17 and I’m acting like a child. But I can’t help it, I can’t handle this anymore. How do I get out of my own head?