1/15/22: First Entry

Hi! I am starting this online diary to share my experiences and struggles as a college freshman. It has been a really hard school year for me. I moved 4 hours away to go to college. I have always been a homebody, so this was very challenging. In the first semester, I excelled in my classes and sports but had a really hard time socially. I tried so hard to put myself out there and make friends. However, people were not very perceptive to me. I never really found out why. I tried over and over again to make friends but it always ended in me being disappointed that I was not included or nobody wanted to hang out with me. I made a few friends but scattered here and there.

The other freshman on my sports team were very cliquey and did not include me at all. This was very hard to grasp because I had actually no friends. I considered us all to be friends, but they talked bad about me, did not include me, and sometimes even ignored me. I kept (and continue) to reach out and be friends with them even though I know I shouldn’t. I just desperately want people to like me and want to be around me. The older girls on my team are nice, but never actually include me either. I ask to come to things, but most of the time plans change and nobody tells me so I am left out. My mom says this happens to me because college kids only think about themselves and what is beneficial for them. On the contrary, I always think about other people’s thoughts and feelings.

As the second-semester starts, I am hopeful that I will make new friends. With new classes and more free time, I am going to try to reach out to new people. I need to accept that the other girls on my team may not be my friends and that likely will not change. I am trying to think more positively, even though I miss home like crazy. Seriously, I have been back to school for a week and I still cry every day because I miss my family and my dog. I just have to take it one day at a time.

– The struggling college freshman