the end.

At the end of our warm-up, we lined up in the order that we take the field in. As we stood, waiting for our march to the field, I realized for the first time where I was. This was regionals. This was the most important day of this year of my life. This was the moment I had worked up to for a year, for the past 4 years, for the past 17 years of my life. Nothing could mean more to me than this. I didn’t want to think this before. I didn’t want to know how important this really was. But now, it hit me. I was here.

We began our walk to the field. Once again, I began to pray. I looked around for my symbol of God. Sometimes it helps me to see God when I pray. I saw a tree in front of us. And for the first time, I saw the leaves. There was just as much red in that tree as there was green. I realized that the season was changing without my noticing. I hadn’t noticed the leaves before this moment. I thought about the symbolism of the tree. The tree is changing colors, just like my life is about to. This is my last year of marching, my last week of marching, possibly my last day of marching. Things are about to change. And so I looked at the trees as we drew nearer to the field, and I prayed with tears in my eyes.

When we stepped onto the field, I sighed. The field is astro-turf. Man, it feels good to march on. The show began like every other. My clarinet was good. It sounded good. I felt good. Then the show took off.

See, this is a college field that we march on. There are two sets of hashes, one being college and one being our normal hashes. We knew this. We knew which hash to ignore. We had marched this field a month ago. We still forgot which hash to use.

I don’t remember much of the show. I know I wasn’t perfect. I know it didn’t feel GOOD. But it didn’t feel bad. It just is no comparison to last week’s show…..the best show I EVER have performed.

We left the field hopeful. I didn’t talk much at all. I was too tense. My parents came to talk to me, and gave me beautiful flowers. Then we got lunch, and sat down in the stands to wait.

See, there were 19 bands that we were competing against. Only 5 can make it out of state. But we’ve been sitting pretty high this year, and just about everyone out there we had beaten before.

Finally, awards. I held hands with Chris and Tracy. The whole band was linked together. First the announcer went through each of the 19 bands and called out division ones and twos. If you get a two, you’re done. You didn’t get a high enough score. If you got a one, you are in the running for the top five. So finally, 19 division ones and twos were handed out. Four bands were eliminated then; they got division twos. It was time for the top five.

I clutched hands tightly, my head down, my eyes shut, tears in my eyes, praying. I knew we had a long wait. Our band was 14 out of 19 in order of performance. The top five are called in order of performance.

Gibson Southern

We sighed. Gibson Southern is a given. No one can beat them.

Heritage Hills

We moaned. We’re pretty competitive with them. This season they beat us twice, and we beat them twice. We didn’t want to hear THEM at state.

North Harrison

There was no outward reaction. We knew that if we were going, our name was next. Tracy turned to me, told me we were next. I barely heard her. Eyes shut. Prayer screaming through my head. I was already crying, the tears rolled down my cheeks as the north in North Harrison rang out.

Edgewood

Tracy was gone. I didn’t know where she went, and I didn’t bother to find out. I had one hand over my eyes and the tears came. I stayed that way until the sobbing began. Then I covered my mouth.

Scottsburg

Chris pulled me to him, and I cried. I cried and cried.

I lifted up my head to look at our drum majors down there on the track. Our drum majors whose hands must have been so ready to grip our trophy. The trophy that we didn’t get. I watched them pick up the division one trophy and walk away. They were the first drum majors to leave the track. I knew that they were breaking.

I kept one hand over my mouth, the other clutched in Chris’s hand. I didn’t really want him there. I didn’t want anyone. I kept looking around. I looked at the field. The beautiful field that betrayed us. I looked at the other bands. Crying. And I couldn’t think. I don’t remember what ran through my head. There just wasn’t anything. We walked down from stands, following the crowds. My parents were at the bottom. Mom hugged me, crying, saying she just couldn’t believe it. Then Chris led me away. We were almost to the buses when I saw Carrie. I called out to her, ran to her, and hugged her. She cried so much harder when she saw me. So hard. We stood and talked a moment. We talked about getting away. Just walking. This was too much. Then we walked on to our buses. We stood in a mass of tears. For a long time I just stood there. I was shaking really bad. From the cold, the shock, the sadness. Chris held me tight, but I didn’t want him there. I can’t remember how many people I hugged. Miranda, Lindsey, Stephany, Joe, Matt, Tracy, Sarah, Jill, and I have no idea how many others. When I hugged Joe,a freshman, he started bawling. He said he was sorry, so sorry. So I hugged him again. Then he asked if I hated him. Because he let me down. He made me lose my last shot at state. I hugged him again, telling him with tears in my eyes that he could do nothing wrong, that he was perfect, that I loved him, that it was no one’s fault.