More futility (making up words again?)

I feel that futility is a real word. But really no idea. So humour me again.

Having said that I’ll be pissed off unless I come out with a first (this isn’t just big-headedness, my course is not particularly intellectually demanding, and with a bit of work I could do well) I’ve discovered that I actually have to do some work. I think I’m averaging about a 2.1 at the moment. I got another exam result through today – 55%, which compared to my mock mark (96%) is pretty dire. Need to pull the socks up, methinks.

I have a totally random date this Friday. Gwen and I were watching a film on Saturday night (allowing both ourselves and our bank balances to recover from Friday’s binge) when ‘Dan’ phoned me – I alledgedly met him at the uni club night a little while ago, and gave him my number. I had to make the exceedingly embarrassing confession that I have no idea who he is, and no recollection of giving anyone, let alone him, my number. But he sounded nice enough, if not the brightest spark (intellectual snobbery all the way…) so I thought I may as well give it a try. I’m meeting him for lunch on Friday after my lectures finish. The whole thing is so totally random. And I’m pretty scared too – it’s just like a blind date – what if he’s a psychopathic minger?

Went to the gym today and made the mistake of wandering past a mirror just after getting off the cross trainer – I had no idea people could turn the colour I was. I think I would have glowed in the dark, I was so ridiculously pink, almost to the point of luminescence. As soon as I got home, I undid any possible good I could have done by eating biscuits. Damn Vicky’s lovely parents, who left a tin of the delicious but highly calorific delicacies in the kitchen as a present for us all.

I am sitting in a fridge. The bastards who run the halls of residence have decided that it’s time to switch off the heating, despite the fact that last weekend was supposed to be the coldest so far, with forecasts of snow and general freezingness across the country. Even when I’m wrapped up in fleecy pyjamas and under my lovely thick duvet, my nose is frozen and blue. I would like to know exactly what they do with the huge amount of rent I pay them which leaves none left over for providing a basic standard of living. At least it gives me a good excuse for spending most of my life huddled under my bedcovers, drinking tea and exposing as little of myself as possible to the inhospitable outside world.

I am so into Mental Health at the moment. Everywhere I look something reminds me of it – I come out with random lines such as "of course, mental illness is a social construction" while people stare at me blankly and turn back to the tv. It’s just fascinating people – can’t you see? And it impacts everyone, not just the loonies (see, there I go.. psychiatric language turned lay person’s.. constructing an image and attaching stigma to these people.. when would that have ever crossed my mind before?) and I still don’t really know what I think about it, only that I want to know more so I can decide.

Isn’t Donnie Darko just the best film? It made me cry. That song is beautiful too: Gary Jules – Mad World. Run and download it now (legally, of course…). But don’t listen to it if you’re in an emotionally fragile state.

All my friends are buggering off and I have no-one to go on holiday with. Nick and Paul (bastards) are going to Morocco but I am still on stupid placement so can’t go with them. They’ve booked their tickets and everything. B is off back to Uganda – I can’t express how jealous I am, and quite how desperate to leave this country, even just for a short while. She’s going for a whole six months. It’s not fair. Oh, and Tom is off to China, Australia, NZ, Fiji and America, so I won’t see him for a whole seven months either. I’m going to miss them all so much!

Anyway, once again I have blithered on for far too long about nothing at all, so I will cease here.