Metamorphosis

I’ve decided that it’s time I changed.

I’ve always been a ‘people pleaser’ and worried about hurting other’s feelings – more often than not I put everyone else first. I blame myself when things go wrong, or people don’t like, or treat me the way I treat them and…I’m tired. I’m exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster I put myself on.

It stops now.

The world is different and I need to change.

In the past I’d engage with people just because it was the thing to do, even though I didn’t particularly enjoy the company and knew I’d come away feeling worse about myself.  I’ve come to realise that this is why my mental health is bad. I’m allowing other people to influence my own self-worth and that’s not healthy.

During the pandemic I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on my childhood and adolescence and  I can remember the moments that made me this way and it was always the same thing… I allowed other people to treat me poorly and shaped myself around their needs, forgetting all the while that I’m important too.

It’s my birthday on Saturday and I’m using it as an opportunity to mark a change. From now on, I’m putting myself first, letting go of the past and wiping the emotional slate clean.  I’ll take the people that matter with me in to the next chapter of my life and leave the rest behind.

‘If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude’ – Maya Angelou.