Hello winter.

I find myself already longing for the lighter nights to return. The clocks went back last weekend and it already feels like there is barely any daylight. November is always a hard month for me, but I was prepared this year. I bought myself a mood light last January as I was finding it near impossible to get out of bed in the mornings and I have to say that it’s been working and helping me hold on to my morning routine.

Joe and I have started going for walks in the morning to make the most of what little sunlight there is and it’s been nice starting the day together, despite him not being a morning person – he is definitely the night owl to my lark!

Last week was pretty stressful. We had planned for some work to be carried out to our front garden, which had been on hold for a while and the builders managed to fit the job in last minute. I’m very happy with the end result, but the disruption it caused for 6 days was unreal. We spent the majority of our time keeping contractors topped up with tea –  they took advantage of the fact that we were both working from home.

Thankfully, peace has returned and the drive looks great.

The hospital also contacted me last week to say that they could schedule my procedure for 13th November. I don’t want to go in to detail, but I’ve been waiting to go in as a day patient since March, but COVID has put this on hold. The catch was that I would have to self-isolate for 2 weeks and have a COVID test. Both Joe and I were mentally preparing for the isolation period, had sorted everything out with  our  managers… I’d told my close friends what was going on and was about to tell my parents. However, on Tuesday the hospital phoned to say it was cancelled again because the COVID cases had spiked and staff were being re-deployed to deal with the pandemic… It’s frustrating to say the least and the only way I find myself able to cope is to put it out of my mind. Back to being in suspended animation. The secretary was very apologetic.. I think she understands that I’m a very anxious patient (I’ve got a fear of clinical environments) and said I could phone to check waiting times if I needed to. It’s impossible to know what is going to happen in the next few months…

I’m hunkering down for winter. Limiting use of social media, spending as much time outdoors as possible and only engaging with my nearest and dearest. I’m also just going read and more importantly… write.. I put a lot of pressure on myself about what I should put to paper and it means I never write anything. I’ve become rusty at expressing myself and telling stories.

I used to love writing. I want to rekindle that fire.