Well I say, I’ve got a bit of a tummy ache

Holy cats guess what!? I…am going to be a daddy.

Ha. Nah, just kiddin, Im impotent.

But almost as exciting as that news. I…have chosen my summer sandals. It took five stores and more time than I’ve put into writing my final Evironmental Ethics paper, but I found the perfect pair. Its like…wow. Its like a million tiny angels massaging my feet. 30 friggin bucks though. For a pair of sandals. I feel old when I complain about the price of things.

Skipped class tonight. Woooo hooo hooo, I friggin rule, oh yea. Went and bought me the Star Wars Essential guide to vehicles and vessels. A book on the schematics of of various space craft in the Star Wars universe. I think thats why chicks dig me so much cause bitches love fanatical Star Wars fans.

Ya know whatd make a good game show? A game where you win degrees. Like, ok youve won the BA from NYU, but you can trade it all to choose one of the boxes that the lovely Gerald is standing in front of. One of the boxes contains a Masters degree from Stanford law. You’re going to risk it? Ok! Ohhh you selected a degree from Brown. Good luck with your new job at Taco Bell. Oh or, youve won the Masters from Princeton, but now are you gonna trade it for our grand prize by taking our physical challenge? A PhD from Harvard!! You’re going to risk it? RELEASE THE MONKEYS! Ya last three minutes, ya win the degree.
I need a masters degree. Someone gimme god damn degree already. And a knighthood.

Horses are stupid. FYI.

I think Im gonna make a Brittany Spears doll thats like the Taun Taun action figure from Empire Strikes back where you can play with Brittany, and then you can open her stomach and take out the baby and dress up her exploited child. Two dolls for the price of one. Kids fuckin LOVE bargains. No wait, not a baby, just a fetus. A fetus you dress up. With little shorts that say “Daddy’s Girl” and “Hottie” across the ass. The end.