My cuticles are attrocious

Being election time again Id like to point out please dont pay attention to the “Get out there and vote, yay!” commercials. Please fuckin learn one issue before you vote. Since everyone is gaurenteed a vote, give everyone a vote. Then give out a test from a fourth grade social studies class on History and current events. If you pass, ya get another vote. There. Then everyone vote. Someone who cant point out Canada on a map, but is voting because Dale Earnheart told him to….yea, that persons vote shouldnt be equal to mine.

Yup. Thats it I guess. Too tired these days I reckon. What with the uhhh…misionary work Ive been doin…in…Arizona. They love me there ya know. Very big. Funny story Im doin a show in Tempe, occurs to me, no material. So I start with the whats the deal with the lazy fuckin native american, jokes. And in hindsight, maybe a poor idea. But I kinda figure ya know there so drunk there not gonna remember it. So they have a tradition of throwin kittens at people when they dont agree with em. And although there customs may seem strange, we should respect them. So I pee on it. Cause thats just my first instinct. Like the bible says stick to what ya know. And when I see somethin that cant scream “STOP PEEIN ON ME!” I pee on it. I mean call me traditional.

So Im peein on this kitten, crowd goes nuts. They love it. And ever since then, you gimme a stadium in Arizona…you better believe that place’ll be packed. And ya better believe theyll be some kittens in that audience. Fame has a price though. Ive really been kinda known not so much by my name but more as the guy who pees on kittens. And its really kinda sad cause I just feel like I have more to offer ya know. I wanna branch out man. Cause I have more to give then that. So this one night I pee on a bunny….whew, brother….they werent havin it. 14 people were injured. Riot police called in. Tear gas, the whole deal. It was like when Dylan switched and played an electric guitar.

Ya know I guess the lesson here is if yer a poitician, dont blame it all on the illegal mexicans. Blame it on the Indians. Cause ya cant find one. Whole country erodin, its the indians fault! Give a no bid contract to a company ya used to head for a country months before ya declare war on it….Hey, ya find them Indians yet? Better get out there and keep tryin. Stay the course. Cuase we turned a corner.

it IS the Indians’ fault, Anndy. GOSH. and finally. somethin political that I care about that we agree on. don’t vote-or-die, buncha ignorant 20 year olds who don’t know a goddamn thing out there votin cause Puff Stupidity told them to. Er a video game. Er. the f8cking voices in their stupid little heads. Bah. Humbug.

mesohippus

November 2, 2004

these bastards that live by me have a huge sign that says “vote pro-life or die!” that’s classic. and they made a very good point, so I changed my values and am now only voting for who they say. maybe you should move away from pissing and try scat. Scat with cats. That’s a hit

vndttrd

oooh ur funny…no…no ur not. you think you are and all your minions *fools they are* think you are but NAY i know the truth!! and you spelled masturbation wrong…but im sure you “meant” to do that eh? oh and PAH-LEASE ya wanna talk typos re-read ur entries mr. phonetic spelling. whatever. oh and…we have an airport? get me a sandwich and dont skip on the cheese whore ~ heather

I think she meant skimp. and what the hell’s a cheese whore? I want one!

dancing in plastic

dude, they should totally still envoke that grandfather clause, except it should be for all people, not just black people where instead of there being that test asking you if your grandfather was a slave they should ask you if you’ve completed your fourth grade education.

Sad Angel

November 3, 2004

get a peticure(sp). ya in the ghetto here they came to our doors numerous times to had more tree’s out to us. and doing this yesterday…dummys

sadangel was most definitely drunk when she left that note. what the. and dancinginplastic is right. I pencilled her in on the ballot.

November 4, 2004

hahahaha and ha if i could afford a bottle of vodka i would have been drunk but other circumstances kept me from doing so. they were pushing the issues of voting here in the Ghetto/slums/poor folks homes/etc. by coming and knocking on my door with flyers on the date of voting (hence the mentioning of tree’s) to the point of annoying me. got it? or do i need more details?

November 6, 2004

that was a good joke. you must be a comic genius. haha no apparently i am cause i said that with a straight face. anyways, maid, i forget what you wrote but i assume its insignificant. oh and you left two notes. you better stop doing that or your mysterious ninja aura will deteriorate. trust me i know things & listen to your naval it knows things too. ok leaving now. bye slore ~ heather

ryn- the only reason why i steal your ideas is because I wish that I could be as profound of a genius as you. See? I even stole the idea of your profoundness from your note. Your intelligence outscales mine by so much that I have no choice but to stomp all over your glory. Less than three.

You effing WHORE WITH NO G’s// the only effing person I know who emails someone telling them to shut up…what the eff. haha thats okay…you’re allowed to be stupid.

a. shut up, three a coins would be a GREAT band name. 2. if you actually read all that, yer a bigger pussy than I thought. and believe me. I thought you were a huge pussy.

you got some definite crackhead teenagers notin you. f8cker.

November 10, 2004

youll be waiting all day fer my return. ryn. ya i named my pet dog that…duuuude

November 22, 2004

feminist slut! get back in the kitchen! what are you doing without your apron???? your the worst maid i’ve ever had. not only are you a bad maid but your terrible in bed AND on the kitchen counter. i dont even know why i keep you around. you barely amuse me. yoda eight ball? yes please. thank you cap’n may i have another? ~ heather

November 24, 2004

YEAH???? YEAH???? YOU SHUT UP TOO! muwhahaha im hardcore b*tch ~ heather